Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
17

Spider Is Fierce For Fierceness Sake

turn it to the leftHow boring and human is it to think that the female crab spider would change colors to ward off predators and cajole plasma-swollen bugs into webs? Pshaw. Who drinks blood anymore? Vampires are out! Centaurs are in! Fashion spiders are innest of all! Stop scratching your heads scientist-people! Don't be all up in de rigeur arachnid biznass, harshing the mellow, weezin' the juice, and trying to divine some sort of evolutionary FUNCTION for the spider looking appropriately resort seasonish on a resort seasonish flower. There are no reasons, there is only FASHION! Fashion that maybe should crush these delicate exoskeletons to make pigment because these bitches WORK. Unless crushing them unbinds the magic to restore dun-colored, ugly, plain-jane reality and these formerly Bollywood-looking happytime outsides go back to looking uggo. Hungry, dead, AND unpopular? What scientist will look at you NOW spider? That's what you get!

17 Comments / Post A Comment

The middle part of that gave me a decidedly Pauly Shore vibe.

(Also, this Shorty Short Short cycle of ANTM is totally boring, but I'm kinda looking forward to tonight's ep, too.)

mathnet (#27)

Figures some dude would think he could learn everything by interfering with their lives for three total days of study. It's like dancing about sticky architecture.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Exactly. And he even feels like he can weigh in on the alternative hypothesis, which frankly makes a hell of a lot of sense, and say that, even though he didn't study it, it's probably wrong because he only saw one spider get eaten. Nice science, buddy.

I used to know a guy who studied fruit flies and extrapolated/hypothesized data on human life cycles from that.

Wow! A 'Playing by Heart' reference? Fo realz?

BoHan (#29)

Getting all up in Charlotte Ronson's Web.

Is that anything like supermodel Veronica's Webb

"For the female of the species is more deadly than the male." Which is why I am a homo.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Wrong species.

HiredGoons (#603)

"Not the cognac, just in case."

kneetoe (#1,881)

Boy, did someone wake up crabby?

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

At the Awl, crab is the new bear apparently.

iplaudius (#1,066)

Spiders change colors because baby Jesus wanted it that way.

Bittersweet (#765)

Is Mary channeling Karl Lagerfeld here? Because I could totally see him barking out "There are no reasons, there is only FASHION!" to Leighton Meester.

What about the vegetarian spider. Why isn't a vegan arachnid all up in dis bitch?

Dave Bry (#422)

Spider changes color for one obvious reason: spider is too sexy for original color.

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