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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

32

Booze, Booze, It's Good For Your Heart

Heart healthyHere is some excellent news: "[R]esearch reported today in the journal Heart found that men who consume large or very large amounts of alcohol are least at risk of developing [coronary heart disease], which kills more than 90,000 Britons a year. Men who drink regularly, even in small quantities, are more than 30% less likely to suffer from heart disease, it found. But those who drink the most cut their risk by the most. Those classed as high consumers of alcohol, between 30 and 90 grams per day, had 54% less chance of getting the disease, while those deemed to have a very high intake, of more than 90 grams or at least eight glasses of wine a day, were 50% less likely." Experts caution that while alcohol may, in fact, help reduce the–BLAH BLAH BLAH I CAN'T HEAR YOU BECAUSE I AM FILLING MY EARS WITH DELICIOUS ALCOHOL RIGHT NOW. Ladies and gentlemen, I am NEVER GOING TO DIE. Thank you!

32 Comments / Post A Comment

cherrispryte
cherrispryte (#444)

DO THESE RULES APPLY TO WOMEN AS WELL?

The Epicurean Dealmaker

Only if they drink heavily in the company of lascivious men.

josh_speed
josh_speed (#97)

90 grams = 3.17465658 ounces. 'Heavy consumers'? That's like one drink...

cherrispryte
cherrispryte (#444)

I'm thinking they mean straight alcohol, not alcoholic beverages? Or would that kill you?

Tulletilsynet
Tulletilsynet (#333)

Use a straw and hoover that shit.

Tulletilsynet
Tulletilsynet (#333)

Lather, rinse, repeat.

slinkimalinki
slinkimalinki (#182)

booze, booze, the magical food/
the more you have, the more you brood

mathnet
mathnet (#27)

the more you brood, the better you write/
so drink your bourbon every night

mathnet
mathnet (#27)

BUT NOT REALLY

Mindpowered
Mindpowered (#948)

No? Are you sure?

slinkimalinki
slinkimalinki (#182)

got writer's block? got bills to pay?/
drink your bourbon every day

Bucko
Bucko (#1,599)

but if your words get stuck/
nothing's better than a fuck/
with some gin-soaked butter faced bimbo/
to regurgitate those words from limbo

GiovanniGF
GiovanniGF (#224)

You're clearly drunk because the link doesn't work.

Alex Balk
Alex Balk (#4)

Blame the Guardian, not me! But it appears to be fixed now.

GiovanniGF
GiovanniGF (#224)

They have an excuse - they're British!

HiredGoons
HiredGoons (#603)

*liver punches heart

dado
dado (#102)

Booze isn't the problem. It's what you do after drinking that causes the problems.

cherrispryte
cherrispryte (#444)

now you're telling me that vomiting is bad for me? Shit.

Mindpowered
Mindpowered (#948)

Only the kind hat happens when everything else has been "evacuated".

See "Kebabs" below.

HiredGoons
HiredGoons (#603)

Texting ex-boyfriends?

SquarePeg
SquarePeg (#1,098)

That isn't bad for your health. Just your dignity.

HiredGoons
HiredGoons (#603)

I have none, so I'm fine.

GiovanniGF
GiovanniGF (#224)

Kebabs!

slinkimalinki
slinkimalinki (#182)

ohmygod those russians who killed a dude and sold him to a kebab merchant. that's what you're thinking about, right?

HiredGoons
HiredGoons (#603)

Saw that! Goodbyyyyyye Halal food!

cinetrix
cinetrix (#47)

Decisions, decisions: Equinox ad on the left, Passages Malibu on the right, and Wild Turkey dead center.

resipsaloquacious

It's not the booze that kills, it the cigs that the booze makes you smoke.

ecgroom
ecgroom (#570)

Hey Balk - the link in the story isn't correct (unless I can read further, how can I believe you?) ;)

Alex Balk
Alex Balk (#4)

I think they've fixed it now.

missdelite
missdelite (#625)

What if the researchers were shitfaced when they did the study?

Bucko
Bucko (#1,599)

Correlation is not causation. We alcoholics are already less likely to get heart disease because we drink because our hearts are already broken.

kitten_witawip

Is this the reason the price of bourbon has skyrocketed in the last year or so?

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