Tuesday, October 6th, 2009
9

Zach Braff Uses His Tongue For Toilet Paper

"Never has adorableness sounded so effortful. Never have an adult male's vocal cords issued so many cutesy sing-songs and plush purrs. Everything I dislike about the schmaltzy, doofus-y Braff seems to have been compressed into this single 30-second performance." Slate's Seth Stevenson rightfully criticizes Zach Braff's voice-over work for Cottonelle toilet paper.

9 Comments / Post A Comment

EvilMonkey (#1,063)

I've been wiping my dog's ass with Cottonelle for years, and I'm not about to stop now.

mathnet (#27)

But isn't it partly because he's doing a voiceover for a dog? I'm not a fan; I don't watch Scrubs. I just don't like talking animals.

Bucko (#1,599)

I can only assume that people are jealous of Zach, even though everything I've read about him makes me feel like he's living in hell and deserves at least our pity, if not our gratitude for having sacrificed his soul for our entertainment.

"attempted entertainment." I assume. That or some kind of Red Chinese psy-ops mumbo-jumbo that we won't understand until President Palin eats our faces off.

Don't assume.

P.G.O.A.T. (#1,470)

Thank G-D I know this now. I was really afraid that my urge to kick that puppy was evidence of some sort of psychotic break.

jfruh (#713)

So the puppy … represents the viewer's anus? Is that what this is about? Because if so, Zach Braff is the LEAST OF THE PROBLEMS HERE.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

I remember seeing this awhile ago and thinking, "ew… dog voiceover saying LLLLAP of LLLUXXURRy at the end… totally giving me tard tingles." Small wonder, thanks Braffroom tissue.

So, he's been a shit-heel for years.

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