Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

Your Halloween Costume: A Bigot

offensive-911-costumesThe offensive costume is a Halloween staple. Because some people, you just can't reach teach. Combine a need for attention with alcohol and some markers and duct tape and sometimes you get something great. Sometimes you get something else. But we do expect businesses to know better. Read on for this year's most bigoted, misogynistic, racist costumes. All available from legitimate retailers. Including Amazon.com.

Teen Asian Dragon Lady
The world of Suzie Wong includes registering as a sex offender, apparently.

"Fee Ling"
It's even cheap. Just like all Chinese stuff.

Barack Obama
While the above is the worst example, why would you even try to do this? Because you're racist, that's why.

Pumpkin Head Obama
Is this racist? Might be. Is it beyond stupid? You bet your ass it is. Would the only person to wear something like this probably be kinda' racist? No doubt.

The Vagina
"Way to go brah! Let me touch your clit! Oh, I can't find it! Get it? Ha ha. Gimme' another Bud Lite Lime." Hey women who sleep with these men human dildos, you're only encouraging them. (For shame, Amazon.)

Illegal Alien
Ha! Get it? It's a play on words, like going as delinquent beauty queen "Miss Behavin." Except racist. Target actually got into trouble for carrying this mask's full body counterpart. But this mask is so much worse; like a masterpiece from the Charlie Chan period.

Ha! So gay.

91 Comments / Post A Comment

Whoever designed the Pumpkin Head Obama mask was tripping.

mathnet (#27)

Without the label, I'd have had no idea it was supposed to be Obama. Am I tripping?

Nah. But that vagina costume is just obscene!

HiredGoons (#603)

It looks like a California raisin-pumpkin. Which is also racist. And like, totally retarded and gay.

dweeb (#437)

Obama is the Great Pumpkin… not a sign of hypocrisy. Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see.

jt (#1,997)

You are a fucking idiot thinking that jack ass is the Great Pumpkin. I am going to get a mask of the fucking morons face and I am going to put a bullet between the eyes of the mask with blood dripping down it. I hope this offends a lot of liberals. Happy Holloween!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just to make this clear I am not raciest. I pray that a black conservative kicks his ass in 2012.

joelbranstein (#2,017)

@dweeb – Oh Great Obama Pumkin, if you can bring us a Public Option… oh, no, I said "if" – I mean WHEN! WHEN you bring us a Public Option! Oh no, I'm doooomed…

spanish bombs (#562)

I don't see what's racist about the Obama pumpkin.

mathnet (#27)

I am so serious Illegal Alien is scaring me.

Fee Ling You looks like Ed Gein.


HiredGoons (#603)


I wonder if the same people that brought us "Halloween III: Season of the Witch" were also behind "Cube 2: Hypercube"?

HiredGoons (#603)

I suspect also the entirety of the 'Leprechaun' franchise.

joelbranstein (#2,017)

NO WAAAAAAAY!!! I'm actually watching Halloween III RIGHT NOW!!!!

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

I think the RUBIES Obama latex max is just the Nixon mask with a deeper tan.

mathnet (#27)

Hey dudes. I'll make you look like a pussy for free.

With pink-ish lips?

mathnet (#27)

No costume of any color required, wuss. Now go pick up my NuvaRing at Rite-Aid, and make my parents dinner!

And carry my purse.

kneetoe (#1,881)

That seems like a lot to pay for a pussy.

cherrispryte (#444)

New is always more expensive than used.

kneetoe (#1,881)

I guess it's not the kind of thing you want to pick up at the thrift shop.

Matt (#26)

The fine Belgians at the Anheuser-Busch corporation know perfectly well how to spell the word "light" and I am shocked and appalled at the insinuation.

Bittersweet (#765)

No penis costume for Mr. Idiot's wife, Amazon? Bummer, dude.

Looking for a wizard costume for my kid the other day, I saw way too many slutty teen costumes, including a slutty Dorothy costume (guess that's what you get when you put 'wizard' in Search form). None of them had that special racist angle the way the Dragon Lady one does, though.

I got your slutty Dorothy costume right here.

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

Hmmm. Slutty Dorothy. No homo.

iwantyrskull (#1,706)

Slutty Dorothy: no rainbow.

Sakurambobomb (#1,722)

Slutty Wizard of Oz Dorothy or slutty Golden Girls Dorothy?

Bittersweet (#765)

The former. The latter would be pretty freakin' awesome (on an adult).

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

Disagree with Bittersweet. Dorothy was the only un-bangable chick on that show. Er, no homo.

atipofthehat (#797)

There are non-slutty teen costumes?

daria-midori (#1,984)

It figures, they sell human dildo costumes all year long though.

Sakurambobomb (#1,722)

What's up with all of the strange teeth on these costumes?

Who would wear these, anyway? A full-head mask will keep you from drinking, so they have to be immediately eliminated from consdideration, never mind the racism!

Fifi (#1,639)

I thought that the Fee Ling mask was Jimmy Carter at first.

Fifi (#1,639)

Ha ha, if you scroll all the way to the bottom, you get a funny!

HiredGoons (#603)

I thought it was Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

They had me at "Barak Obama."

brent_cox (#40)

A quick Google reveals that the mask of the Asian man who might somehow capture your soul (!?!) is actually known as "Fee Ling *Yu*". Much more discrete.

cherrispryte (#444)

I am disconcerted by the fact that Pumpkin-Head-Obama looks more like President Obama than the Obama mask does.

Also, I see how 9/11 can be done, but how does one dress as sexy 9/11?

brent_cox (#40)

You know, short WTC skirt, smoke billowing from decolletage.

oudemia (#177)

Or your dress can be #7 and "collapse" a lot.

Bucko (#1,599)

First of all, anyone who has an education should know that everyone is a racist. There's no avoiding it. The only racists we need to worry about are those that think they are the arbiters of who and who isn't a racist.

Twothly, these costumes aren't very racist or bigoted at all. It's like you spent ten minutes looking and just chose any that happened to represent race or sexuality. Lame.

Finally, what's wrong with having an offensive Halloween costume? The most offensive thing in this world is people trying to modify other people's behavior to suite their own stunted views of morality.

Abe Sauer (#148)

Clearly the Economist's declaration that contrarianism was dead missed the interview with you. And maybe I'll get lucky and somebody in your family will suffer in some horrific, devastating way and then you can experience people making fun of it for no gain whatsoever and they can be at the top of this thing next year.

I think what Bucko is getting at, is that Henry Rearden wouldn't think twice about dressing up as suicide bomber.

Radtard (#1,852)


Listen people, lighten up. As a person of mixed race I bear a message from the future (where we will all be half-breeds, mixies, and sexier): W/E! lets party it's Halloween!

kpants (#719)

Wait, you're part pumpkin?!

sfbirdie (#979)

Tolerance in the future? I do NOT believe you.

Is a"realistic" Obama mask inherently racist, or just the (terrible) caricature shown? I wore a Prince Charles caricature mask one year. Was that racist?

HiredGoons (#603)

Just Xenophobic, which is entirely justifiable. Especially against the Windsors.

Would have been great if the rest of your costume was a tampon.

Meeg (#309)

I want to know if these masks will someday be used to rob banks or something.

titfos (#1,983)

None of these are racist. Toughen up folks, tough times ahead. Your never gonna make it if you keep living through someone elses paridigm.

Dr. Spaceman (#1,211)

Yeah man, like, we're all made of matter – and that's all that matters.

HiredGoons (#603)

If I dress up as a regular Alien, is that equivalent to Gaylien?

Kataphraktos (#226)

No, but if you dress up as the vagina and go to a gay party, well, not finding the clit won't matter!

Also, you'll be a cunt.

Can't believe you missed these:


Abe Sauer (#148)

People already hate me enough thank you very much.

Aw, you could just say you're going as Tyra!
(Ahem, erm, this Tyra.)

Let's try it with a link that works, shall we?

saythatscool (#101)

That's a huge bitch!

toadvine (#1,698)

My wife completely nixed my proposal that I dress as Beyonce in "Single Ladies" and she as Jay-Z, just because we are white. But I submit that it is even funnier to do a sincere costumed cross-dress with tasteful black-face exactly because you are not supposed to. My wife completely disagreed because no one else would get it. To which I responded that with my being 6'2" and blonde nothing would be funnier than me in the Single Ladies outfit exactly because I am not racist. There isn't another couple I like that would be as funny. Is that bad?

"Tasteful black-face"?
I think Harry Connick Jr. would like to have a couple of words with you…

toadvine (#1,698)

C'mon — you act like the very idea is offensive. Maybe I should've said "non-caricaturish" black-face. You know, color but not exaggerated features.

Oh, I wasn't trying to be a troublemaker, promise! Just had a bit of a giggle over your choice of wording is all…

missdelite (#625)

Dude,trust me. You'll get "lynched" for that.

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

I saw an Apocalypse Hoboken show a few weeks ago and the lead singer was in black face; I thought it was sensational and confrontational and enjoyed it. But you will not be performing at a punk show in some basement. Have to go with your wife on this one: ditch the idea. You have to know your venue and audience well to make a statement like that. Ten bucks says ninety percent of the audience wherever you are will be offended.

daria-midori (#1,984)

just let your natural white lips hang and leave some skin around the eyes. that would really help to make it "not exaggerated". and if by the end of the night nobody talks sense into you, ask your wife what a "historical context" is. i have a feeling she knows.

toadvine (#1,698)

Look, I was actually being sincere. I understand the implications, I get your indignation, blah, blah. I just think cross-dressing as rich people is funny. My wife is way wiser than me.

Tuna Surprise (#573)

Why not just go as Jay Z and Beyonce without trying to change your skin color? Wigs and clothes should get you there.

Even if you did paint your fact, you're not going to change your facial features enough to look like them so I don't see what blackface does for you except push your costume into the offensive category.

Bittersweet (#765)

Agree with Tuna here, especially since Beyonce isn't very dark-skinned. Maybe just some bronzer?

Black-face, the third rail of costuming.

Maevemealone (#968)

It could possibly be the funniest costume ever in the history of costuming. But you just need one photograph of you to get out… and it's all kaput.

I don't think it can be done. A few Halloweens ago my tennis partner and I thought briefly of going as Venus and Serena Williams. Mostly because we were damn lazy and wanted to wear our frilly tennis skirts…but inwardly we hoped, I think, that we could impart some sort of progressive message underneath it all.

It didn't take long, of course, to discover that this is extremely hard, if not impossible, to pull off. Pull off without offending (Does "moving beyond" race imply that some are less desirable than others and need be disregarded? And so on.) or feeling gross about it, that is. Extremely foolish in retrospect. Madcap in all the wrong ways.

So my erstwhile tennis partner became my naughty nurse partner in crime. And a commenter was born this day! Happily ever after, as they say.

^ Er, no face painting, of course.

carpetblogger (#306)

Yesterday, I talked a gay couple out of that exact same costume (the appeal of it to them was exactly as it was to you) because black face never turns out the way you hope it will, even (especially) in Istanbul.

daria-midori (#1,984)

i didn't question your sincerity. so go for it, it will be funny, guarantied. we all got our things: you get off on "cross-dressing as rich people", i get off on the wrong foot, blah blah. and i also truly believe you could pull off Beyonce's masculine dance. i would actually like to see That. just don't hurt yourself in training which will have to be intense since you're running out of time and still have no other costume ideas.

But he made too many enemies
Of the people who would keep us on our knees
Hooray Obama Pumpkin
Hooray Obama Pumpkin Head!

Women can go as "Slutty Obama Pumpkin Head."

zack petrick (#1,335)

OK…. If someone wants to be the Vagina I already have a huge tampon! WOOT!

rivergo (#1,986)

Just an idea, you can find e-card at Happy Halloween 2009 for halloween. This site allows for anyone to upload their own picture so they can send it out to friends and family with a message as a greeting on Halloween.

cherrispryte (#444)

Are you going as spam for halloween? because if so, that's sorta clever.

Abe Sauer (#148)


garge (#736)

Here's an historic costume duo sadly compounded by racism–

In '97, bff and I went as John and Patsy Ramsey. Our friend from Barbados went as a beauty pageant queen. One nice suburban couple: Oh LOOK! It's THE RAMSEYS! And … THEIR MAID!!

So sometimes even tastefully offensive costuming can draw forth racism.

sfbirdie (#979)

Ah, but maybe they thought you were trying to provoke it?

If you don't want to pay that much for a vagina, maybe you could use Molls' :http://molls.tumblr.com/post/73310307/fuck-it-i-look-great

EmilyVanzant (#1,998)

gay alien is so funny..hahahaha

joelbranstein (#2,017)

The "Obama Pumpkin" doesn't strike me as racist at all. Now if it were an "Obama Watermelon-Head with a side of fried chicken and chitlins and carrying a basketball" – now THAT would be racist.

Clemdae (#2,096)

I think Halloween is in a way outside of normal rules and that it's the one time you can escape the norms of society and your own identity and be anything or dress as anything and that anything in history is open for depiction. I don't think a costume is an endorsement of the era in which it was prevalent or the idea it may represent in modern times. I think it's almost like an anthropological and cultural gallery showing tidbits of characters in the entire history of humans.

I cringe at the racial caricatures personally and would never wear one and hope my friends wouldn't, but I hate the idea of restricting or censoring any part of Halloween. If I were to get offended by one thing (and I think I'm just more annoyed than offended) it's the way women (and even girls) have few Halloween options that aren't hyper-sexualized. I don't remember this being the norm until the last maybe 10 to 15 years. It certainly wasn't the case when I was a child or even in my teens or twenties. To me this drastically limits what we are allowed to be. Even so I don't think banning or protesting "slutwear" is the answer. The vagina doesn't bother me either. It's just a body part.

cherrispryte (#444)

Are you trawling old The Awl posts looking for a last-minute Halloween costume idea as well?

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