Top Five Questions About This Weekend
1. Will I put together a Halloween costume? And if so, will it involve an age-appropriate amount of fabric and/or racism? (Yes. Age-appropriate racism.)
2. Am I ever going to finish the Lorrie Moore book that came out like a month ago?
3. Am I ever going to make myself read that must-read New Yorker article on Texas executions that came out like a month ago?
4. Am I going to be able to resist seeing Saw VI again?
5. On Monday, am I going to read New York mag's investigative essay-report into their own popular Sex Diary feature? Answer: Yes, I am, because it is written by Wesley Yang. But that doesn't mean I'll like myself for it.
And you? Bored this weekend? Only boring people are bored! Here are the contributions of our fine columnists from this week, give 'em a whirl! Or okay, don't! You think I care? I DON'T CARE. Leave me alone! I have feelings too, you know. Fucker. Wait, I didn't meant it. Come back, guys… You guys?
#whatevs
HA!
#HA!
I plan to spend all weekend adding comments to this post in hopes of becoming The Awl evening/weekend editor.
#openmicnights, #openbeerbottlenights, #slavelabor, #sad
#breathlessly_waiting
Dude, weekend = sex, drugs and pounding house music.
sorry: #sex, #drugs, #poundinghousemusic
#UNTZUNTZUNTZUNTZ
#Grandmother's birthday in New Jersey
(I know you're all jealoussssss).
Troll says, what?
Troll leaves a link to a video about slapping gay children (avec music)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zsxQIL8oik
I finally got to the New Yorker article last week and recommend it, unless you want to have a nice weekend.
Yeah, and once you're finished with that, this week's issue is an absolute belter: Lethem, SFJ, Lane on Antichrist, and an article on drone-killing that reminds us that the US under Obama remains as fundamentally amoral (I won't say evil) as it ever was with that last guy!
Caption contest's a bit of a dud though.
HK Choi is not a columnist?
She's actually one above a columnist. She's a paladin!
What's her alignment?
'Chaotic Neutral' I'd guess.
Geek test!
Paladinissima.
Mary is a shapeshifter.
The only hash I care about? http://www.420magazine.com/forums/how-videos/69892-how-smoke-hash.html
Can I ask a question, without answering the overlord's? WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THE BIRTHDAY PARTIES?
OH MY GOD, you too?? It is nuts. It has been three weeks of birthdays. It is making me hallucinate.
I'm told this is because of New Year's/the holidays being a popular time for bareback fucking.
Just read this week's Peter Hessler instead – easy yet totally deep.
#drinking, #making betty draper costume!
Fancy Betty or Housework Betty?
and zOMG get your shortest friend to dress up as Sally and glare at you all night.
OMG YOU HAVE SOLVED PROBLEM #1! Choire. All you need to do is wear the new Brooks Brothers suit that you ran out and bought last week. (Just don't go to any of the same Halloween parties as Balk because he also bought one on the double.)
Fancy Betty! With the baby, booze and "Mommy's little helpers" bottle in my handbag, next to the smokes. I want it to be a group idea but nobody else fits the theme! Unless I can get that one quiet smart friend to be Peggy…
I am trying to get my kid to wear her fedora, carry a glass of apple juice on the rocks, and a Pixie Stick to smoke, and go as "Ron Caper". She does it around the house all the time. But she won't do it in front of her friends.
I got in some trouble with my building the ONE year I ever stayed home to give out treats. I hit up Economy Candy and got tons of candy cigarettes! Later that night, my doorman saw me and said "Are you the one giving out candy cigarettes?" Yeah! Why? Oh….
I really miss calling it The Pound Sign. :(
#bringbackThePoundSign
It's an octothorpe damnit.
For me and my friends, the 'hash sign' means holding your fists as if you're pressing two knife blades together.
Wow, the 'Blind Melon' chick really blossomed.
Good for her!
OMG, Blind Melon. Massive, massive earworm.
#gradschoolmidterms, #partyfullofstrangers, #findingafuckingnewjobcausethisoneskillingme
#workingovertime, #thirddatedoesthatmeanwe'regonna…?! #danceinmypants, #cleanoutthecar (no, that last one is not related to the second two.)
Read the Lorrie Moore book and then tell us what you think of the last 1/3 of it.
I am probably going to see that goyishe Coen movie.
Input please: I am watching 300 tonight. Am I going to love it or hate it?
Are you using Awl comments to come out of the closet?
If only.
It might insult the 'thinking person' aspect of your being, but not the 'boner' aspect.
Crap! I am a lady, so I can't get boners! And I am a thinking person!
So far, shirtless men = thumbs up. Otherwise I'm really fucking bored.
You will like it. It will give you a lady boner.
I loved it, but only in a distant, sort-of, spiritual way. It's awesome in a production values sort of way, but soul-crushing if you're looking for meaning.
It is visually stunning! Oh look! A tree full of dead people!
I forgot to mention the 'visual feast' aspect. You should just see Watchmen though. Much smarter movie, still nice to look at.
Watchmen was a visual feast, but there were certain images I really just didn't need to feast on. Blurgh.
Yikes. SPOILER ALERT! Sorry Gerard Butler and the other 299. And what was that hunchback's story? And the ancient Persians had orcs? Confusing.
Verdict: Cool-looking. Hot boys. But I can haz plotline and character development? Oof.
#airbrushedasses
Oh also: Question 6: Should Choire ever lock Balk out again or is he OK with headlining a British lack of knickers?
As I currently understand it, he needed space to screen all VI of the Saw franchise. Understandable.
For reading stuff, I recommend the program Word Flash Reader. It flashes words one by one on a screen so you can read "faster." Great for that sh*t you want to read but can't.
Also check out the RSVP reader bar in firefox.
http://wordflashreader.sourceforge.net/
That sounds like smoking a feature article instead of reading it. And then drinking the bongwater.
First sleep-over with 5 year old niece. We're baking cookies, watching angelina ballerina DVDs and having a tea party. plans subject to change… Plan B: I call sis to pick up her brat early.
Can someone help a poor troll add a photo to display when I'm trolling you poor saps? It's not like me to ask for help, but even Google isn't helping me out today. Poor sad troll :-<
Your trollings are offensive to real trolls. So no.
Also, i could not figure out myself how to add an avatar. Well, i figured it out, but then i'd have to start a new account and loose my awesome "not a year in the last millenium" member number. So if I can't have one, neither can you.
Racist!
Gravatar.com should allow you both to keep your commenter numbers AND add pictures. I am tech-impaired compared to the likes of the commenters here, and I figured it out, so I have faith in both of you! You just need to make sure your gravatar and awl passwords match, and then magic happens.
I just spent half an hour trying to make this work, and NO MAGIC IS HAPPENING.
OMG THE MAGIC, IT HAPPENED! SWORD-WIELDING MERMAIDS FOR EVERYONE!
gravatar.com
Thanks Hey* and Cap*, see my new picture? It's amazingly difficult to accomplish. Had to create a new identity, but then the avatar appeared on my old Bucko account (which is, apparently, someone else entirely than me).
The Lorrie Moore book is SO GOOD except for that one part. You will know which part it is when you get to it. It is awful.
WORRIED ABOUT MOZ.
yes! we need a Weekend Special Report.
BUT NOT WORRIED ABOUT ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER
OMG I COULD NOT WORRY LESS ABOUT ADW
Moz : singer :: PBR : beer
is so in love with Jon Hamm it is painful.
I knew I would find you here, swooning. DEAR GAWD. Orgasmic.
It is a testament to how hard I was cry-coming that I am STILL GNASHING MY TEETH at the idiot ruiner person who decided to fuck the whole thing up by selecting Where Is Love for the closing credits. I mean, fine. Bang me over the head with it if you must. But at least use an instrumental version! Don't make me listen to the pathetic kid voice singing the pathetic ruin-y lyrics, you china-shop-bull episode-ruiner!