Shift Memo: Would You Excuse Me? I Cut My Foot Before and My Shoe is Filling Up with Blood
Oh hello. I have nothing I wish to add today, particularly. Did you know that a bunch of gays went down to D.C. yesterday to march for no quite clear reason? Besides that the HRC was having its big fundraising dinner that weekend. Coincidence? Did you know Tracy Morgan joined Twitter, after a grass-roots campaign begged him to? The week before his memoir comes out! Coincidence? All this and there is a new Malcolm Gladwell piece in the New Yorker today that… looks kind of good? I say that without yet having read it. Yes, I know all these things, and more, and still I do not particularly care. It's very, very cold in the office. Cat the cat is angry about that. And this big, cold, shiny bowl of change isn't going to take itself to the bank, is it? No. Someone must take it to the bank. I just Image-Googled for "Gone Fishin'" and my safe search is turned off and I saw two things in particular that I cannot ever unsee. I'll leave that to your imagination, if you are at work, which, sorry!
And just when you got it in the door. . .
Render unto Coinstar the things that are Coinstar's.
But how do you KNOW that the machine is counting accurately? My conspiracy theorist's heart is sure they are taking an extra 10% off the top in addition to their "commission". And why wouldn't they? You were too lazy to do it yourself in the first place.
You don't! But you are so eager to get away from the machine in case someone you know sees you, that you agonizingly wait for the last couple of coins to fall (takes an eternity!)and grab the receipt running — also leaving the Canadian coins in the reject slot.
(OMG it took me way too long to understand what part of the body that awful tattoo is on, Choire.)
I mean, the lady one was not hard.
OBVS!!
But what was the other one? The butt tattoo?
Until I clicked to enlarge, I could not tell it was a butt.
*Gouges out eyes in the fashion of Oedipus
Today, People of Walmart revealed their sinister plan: to make us lose weight through projectile vomiting.
(that's for making me do that Google Image search)
No 'Romy And Michele" tag? You ARE feelin' lazy.
Well, you know I'm just naive enough to be proud of having taken part in the March yesterday and think it might do some good. Sorry to have lost my ironic let's-piss-on-everything sense of detachment there for a moment, I promise I won't let it happen again.
They'd better not be those shoes.
You single-handedly brightened my day for the Romy and Michelle quote. Now I must go die because THAT was the highlight of this day.
i cant even think of any other obscure romy and michele quotes right now (and it is michele *dude*) im so surprised to see this popping up unannouncedz. comment contest?
EX-PLOOOOO-SIONS.
I know it's been noted before, but "rectal prolapse" are the two words you never, ever, ever want to enter into Google Image Search.
Born on a mountain top in Tennessee, 

Greenest state in the land of the free. 

Raised in the woods so's he knew every tree, 

Killed him a bear when he was only three. 


Choire, Choire Sicha
King of the Wild Frontier. 


Fought single handed through the Injun war, 

Till the Creeks was whipped and peace was restored. 

And while he was handling this risky chore, 

Made himself a legend, forevermore. 


Choire, Choire Sicha,
The man who don't know fear. 


He went of to Congress and served a spell 

Fixin' up the government and laws as well. 

Took over Washington, I heard tell, 

And patched up the crack in the Liberty Bell. 


Choire, Choire Sicha,
Seein' his duty clear. 


When he come home, his politickin' was done, 

While the western march had just begun. 

So he packed his gear, and his trusty gun 

And let out a grinnin' to follow the sun. 


Choire, Choire Sicha,
Leadin the Pioneer. 

Can Cho please do a guest Gluttony column from Korea?
Shouldn't that bear be worried about those fisheez nibblin' his peen?
They look perfectly happy just watching.
Bass I ever had!
Stop wearing those McQueen shoes, Choire. They're sinister murderesses, those shoes are, wicked juju to them. Avoid!