Sex Survey Exposes National Shortcomings, Under-reported Truths
A poll of 15,000 women asked to rank the sexual performance of men by nationality ranked Germans as the worst in bed due to subpar hygiene. English indolence, Swedish celerity, Turkish perspiration, and American aggression resulted in those countries also scoring poorly. Make of it what you will, but the near-universal finding that the remarkable prowess of extremely hirsute half-Italian, half-Jewish alcoholics causes women to "swing from the rafters while hearing a choir of angels singing 'Nobody Does It Better'" has left me convinced that there is an unusual degree of accuracy to this one.
Das ist nicht gut.
Das ist was sie gesagt hat.
The fact that both Canada and South Africa are in the top ten is probably thanks to me.
Well, based on your pseud . . .
Wrong! The name is a reference to my technique of seduction.
Uff da! I am screwed! Er … not that way.
Why, I'M half-Jewish alcoholic!
>a< = hungover!
OMG!! Me too!!
Roman Polanski moves to America and look what happens!
They say why the bad ones are bad but not why the good ones are good.
if you you have to ask, you'll never know.
I just want a comparison. My FB is French. Should I trade him in for a Spanish or Italian guy and why?
"I just wanna' meet some guys, some… Italian guys… an' watch TV."
I GIVE UP. What the F is an FB?
Female Boyfriend?
Foreign Boyfriend?
Fake Boyfriend?
fuck buddy
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fuck%20buddy
if it's just a FB and not a BF, then why trade him in? just get one in every color! like handbags!
What's with the doughnuts, Balk? Have you been reading Cosmo again?
DOUGHNUTS? How DARE you?
Whatever they are, no one wants to eat them off your wang.
I thought they were tomato glazed donuts with cheese shots.
Okay, so I'm blind. But can we concede that a "pizza bagel" sounds gross?
Wrongest, wronger and wrong.
It's a PIZZA BAGEL!
Is it a Pagel, or a Bizza? Inquiring minds would like to know.
Balk's mom gets really upset when you refer to him as a pizza bagel, btw.
As an Irish-American lady, I'm going to have to go ahead and call shenanigans on Ireland being #5. EXTREMELY UN-POSSIBLE.
I think you mean un-probable.
As an Irish-American guy, I'm going to have to agree.
As another (American born) girl with 100% Irish DNA- no fucking way. What's that old joke? The Irish definition of foreplay? "Brace yourself, Brigid!". No joke.
Speaking of Irish Catholic girls, Balk, you do know you ARE the perfect boyfriend for our kind. Wrong religion, and reeking of garlic. At least your kind made my high school to mid 20's Happyland!
Not possible. There are some things I wish I didn't know, this is one of them.
TAGS: 15,000 WOMEN, THE SEXUAL PROWESS OF ALEX BALK, STEREOTYPES COME FROM SOMEWHERE, MMMM HAIRY MEN, CHERUBIM & SERAPHIM, HOW DID THE CROATIANS RANK?
"CHERUBIM & SERAPHIM" = coffee snort.
WHEN PIZZA'S ON A BAGEL, YOU CAN EAT PIZZA ANY TIME; MITIGATING FACTOR: NEW JERSEY?; HOLDING DOWN THE SHIFT KEY INSTEAD OF HITTING 'CAPS LOCK' TO WRITE FAKE TAGS
YOU CANNOT TELL ME ALEX BALK HAS NEVER EATEN A STROMBOLI, I READ IT AS 'SWEDISH CELERY' AND WAS CONFUSED, THE IRISH GAL UP ABOVE USED THE WORD SHENANIGANS HEH, SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT STEREOTYPES?
ICH LIEBE DICK, SCORING, TEA BAGS, SURVEY SAYS: "YES, PLEASE!", WHERE WAS MY BAT SIGNAL?
SHILLELAGHS; *SHHHHHH* IRISH LADY I WANT TO HAVE AT LEAST ONE ETHNICITY RIGHT JEEZ
WHERE DOES THE ASS-BOMBER FIT ON THIS TELEOLOGY?; THE VIRGINS IN HEAVEN
GERMANS VS. JEWS
MY MIDDLE NAME IS STROMBOLI!
This survey's only scientific conclusion is that someone conducted a survey.
The rest is 15,000 old hags bitching about the dudes who banged and ran.
Examples:
Germans smell = Germans are fucking racist assholes who won't commit to you because you are a swarthy untermensch.
Soppy Greeks = the dude with the chest hair and the gold chain wined me, dined me, etc. and when I left Mykonos he wouldn't return my emails or calls.
Yeah, pretty "Mama Mia"
And what was their database anyway? 1)Junior year abroad brats, who don't understand the sweet nothings being whispered in their ears("watch out I'm gonna hurl" sounds great in Spanish or Italian). 2)Women who were so so shitfaced themselves they can't remember who or what or when or how. See, 90% of female British tourists in Spain; 98% in Ibiza. 3)Women who paid a shitload to go to wherever and will be damned if they're going to admit that Jorge or Guido or Pierre or Rastaman can be as boring as anyone anywhere.
It ain't the postal code, it's the motion.
This is why I just go by size. Can't go wrong being a size queen.
Yes you can. Horribly. A recentl divorcee. A blind date.Angrier than Sidney Pollack in Woody Allen's "Husbands and Wives". Forgive me, I was only 25, and all I kept thinking was " I'll NEVER abe this lucky again, and he's SHITE in bed."
Nothing worse on the planet than a date with a recently divorced person. Even Olive Gardens and Cats are tolerable in comparison.
Yeah, I mean, basing results on what a random bunch of people whose sexing abilities themseelf are unknown is kinda dumb… I mean, do a survey like this in America and Olive Garden will be one of our top 5 best restaurants and CATS one of best cultural experiences.
this is so.
Just thinking about a date involving Olive Garden, followed by Cats, could kill my libido forever.
(Really. Can you imagine what kind of linguine with white clam sauce they do at Olive Garden? Shudder.)
cap it off with Dairy Queen in a food court – you're gettin' lucky!
Behold, our favorite painting:
http://awp.diaart.org/km/usa/most.html
Personally, I think it could benefit from more cats. Or unlimited breadsticks.
Dairy Queen in a food court is my idea of how you recuperate after the other two afflictions.
If you hear a Carly Simon song after all is said and done, chances are pretty good you're both doing something wrong.
It's the Aimee Mann cover. But mostly it's the sentiment.
You listen to Aimee Mann during sexy time? You never get laid, do you?
THE SPY WHO LOVED ME; JAWS; FINE ENGLAND IS THE SECOND WORST BUT WHAT ABOUT ENGLISH *SECRET AGENTS*; ROGER MOORE; MAJOR ANYA AMASOVA; OKAY I WILL STOP NOW I PROMISE
Manischewitz and Suave Bolo- YUM!!
Typo: Canada = #100.
Also, Asia, India and Africa must feel good that they're not on he worst list…. #10 Pakistanis (too smelly) or Kenyan (too black) probably wouldn't be good PR for this Onesite.com thingamabob.
I doubt their demographic travels to these places.
heh.
Kenya is to female sex tourism as Cambodia is to male sex tourism.
I don't know why this is though.
You mean they're both the poor sex tourists' Cuba?
There are what, 194 countries in this world? And we get to see the rankings of 20 of them? Fuck that shit.
Also, damn you, I sort of want a pizza bagel?