I am generally intrigued by the complaints of those whose areas of interest do not coincide with mine, because it is always amusing to see people get worked up about something that you or I wouldn't give a second thought to. So I particularly enjoyed this screed decrying a new nutcracker based on the comic book character Iron Man, which the writer describes as "another phenomenally shitty nutcracker from the horrible bastards at the Kurt S. Adler company. Please note: 1) It's an incredibly shitty likeness of Iron Man, and 2) It still can't crack fucking nuts. The nuthole is way too small to accommodate anything other than an unshelled peanut, which doesn't need cracking. Now if an awesome sculpt prevented functionality, then that would be something; or if the functionality prevented it having a decent sculpt, that might also be okay. HAVING NEITHER IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, KURT S. ADLER." Great, right?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
23
Nuthole.
is that anything like a cornhole?
More like a piehole, really.
I need TP for my nuthole.
Hmm, doesn't have the same ring to it.
"It's no different than my buying the mini Pac-Man and Galaga arcade game ornaments from Hallmark. I can't play them, they're just for collecting.
Besides, we all know most people just buy cans of mixed nuts already......denutted?!"
"Perhaps you're supposed to use it by picking it up and smashing it down onto the nuts?"
It would be even better if the gloves could shoot out little nut-cracking mini-lasers.
Um, it's a pencil sharpener.
A Tony Stark corkscrew would've been much more appropriate, jeez.
I see a re-boot of the franchise by Spike Jonze based on the above script. Score by the Fiery Furnaces
My favorite part is that it's *another* shitty nutcracker. The man has a history with this bastard Adler.
His posts on the Star Trek and Star Wars nutcrackers are pretty much the same as the Iron Man one. I look forward to the Batman and Incredible Hulk ones.
And yet he keeps coming back for more, like an abused spouse. Maybe he needs therapy or something.
How can you lead off with "seed extractor" and then give me this? How can you live with yourself?
Balk, if this entire post was just an excuse to create a nuthole-adjacent tag, I think you could've tried harder.
. . .
Heeeeee! Nuthole-adjacent.
'taint the nuthole ...
Story about a nut cracker by a ball buster.
"Seed Extraction" is my new not-so-secret name for masturbation!
This thing would probably be a hit on Archie McPhee.
YES!
Also, if there is a Crazy Cat Lady in your life that needs a gift, I have had great success with this.
Once, someone got me the pig catapult for unspecified reasons. I'm sure it can still be found, new in package, at the Goodwill where I dumped it. Along with my donkey that dispensed cigarettes out of its ass.
The Spiderman Waffle Iron, on the other hand, is a masterpiece of modern engineering.
If they are looking for a good nut cracker I can introduce them to my ex-wife.