Here's the story of Eric Williamson, arrested by police in Virginia for being naked in his own kitchen at 5:30 in the morning. (A woman and her son were cutting through his front yard and, observing Williamson's dangling wang, called the law, who charged him with indecent exposure.) You will probably be distracted by the typically overheated local news reportage (I can't decide if my favorite part is where Williamson, now tastefully attired, recreates his making of the coffee or the ominous shot from outside of him standing by the window) here, but it's a pretty amazing thing: If I can't brew up a cup of joe in the morning while my todger feels the gentle breeze wafting about its recumbent glory then, really, what's the point of anything? [Via]
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
45
Your titillating us with images of your recumnet todger is becoming too much of a distraction at work, Balky-boo!
This actually happens quite often. Early morning wood and open blinds are a dangerous combination. I even had a friend (no really, not me, a friend) got charged with indecent exposure to a minor after he woke up in the buff on a couch and stood up in front of a bay window on a school day at bus time.
So my point is that I just added todger to my lexicon.
Thanks Balk.
In the kid's defense, the couch was on the lawn, in front of the bay window.
And I am sorry.
Ditto. Love "todger."
My son didn't take it that badly res. All is forgiven.
So wait. This crazy lady is cutting through his lawn, and peeping in his window? And he's the one that gets arrested??
He'd probably have to register as a sex offender if he were convicted, too, wouldn't he? Suuuuuuuuucks.
This woman should be arrested for trespassing, attempted burglary, gawking, reverse-tom-peeping and being a gigantic asshole.
second that.
That was my first thought. Though, to be fair, most people in Virginia are assholes one way or another.
You can't get arrested for gawking but your face might get stuck that way.
I'd say there's no way he's going to get convicted.
old joke
crazy lady: Officer, there's a naked man next door.
cop: I can't see anyone.
crazy lady: Here, use my binoculars.
What were they doing trespassing at 5:30 am in the first place?
At first I thought he was kinda hot, but then the two phrases "his roommates" and "father of a five-year-old" made me pass.
I'd have to see him naked first.
Would. Love. To.
You know the time and place.
I'd have to see the roommates.
I read this on DCist this morning and the first thing I thought was, "oh Christ, wait'll the Libertarians get hold of this."
I have a hard time believing "Dickson Young" was the only lawyer they could find for this.
Well, rumor has it Harry P. Ness has been disbarred.
You had me at "recumbent glory."
Look at his arms! Prrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
I was thinking the very same thing. Like he could lift me up and throw me on the bed with no problem!
Could. Would. Should.
<- wood!
I do have a lifting fetish, but that might be trumped by kids and/or cargo pants.
Ideally the cargo pants would be strewn across the floor.
and the kids are probably only there every other weekend.
Wow. The coffee mugs on the hooks thing is back?
You know I was thinki... look at his arms!!!
And he was on a cell phone at the time.
Well, the sign on the path saying free twinkies with an arrow pointing to his kitchen window is damning.
I once saw in Montreal, when I was out early one Sunday to meet my friends for a climbing trip down to the 'dacks, this guy standing stark naked in front of an open window and pissing in a huge arc, down 3 storeys onto Parc Avenue.
Luckily I was on the other side of the street.
It never actually occurred to me that this might be obscene or illegal, just a little weird.
I was walking to a party in Washington Heights one evening (so, not that late) and saw a couple totally goin' at it in front of their kitchen window. Which was DIRECTLY across the street from the subway entrance!
I just figured it would make for a great anecdote.
Bienvenue au Quebec, Flashman!
?
I'd like the Awl to continue to cover this story as it unfolds.
"Eric Williamson, who grew up in Hawaii, plans to fight the charge."
Hawaii? I need to see his birth certificate.
I'll see your kitchen wang and raise you a "Broadcasting Porn Out Window Near Grade School"
http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2009/10/19/crimesider/entry5396944.shtml
That is excellent.
And beats the hell out of my "Tour Bus Parked Outside of My Law School with Every Single Above-Seat TeeVee Playing Porno" story.
Is that Ryan Reynolds as the reporter?
I look forward to turning the tables and being the one to call the cops when I am peeping through my neighbors' windows tonight.
Soooo, I shouldn't linger absolutely nude in the doorway to the backyard while I let the dogs out for their pre-bedtime squirt. I'll be goddamned if I tell my wife about this. She'll just start up with that "I told you so" crap again.