I Still Have Not Figured My Halloween Costume
David Cho: what are you going to be for halloween
BALK: Slutty H1N1 vaccine
David Cho: you can do better than that
David Cho: (as far as jokes go)
David Cho: let's try this again
David Cho: what are you going to be for halloween?
BALK: Slutty "Federal Pay Czar" Kenneth Feinberg
David Cho: Eh
BALK: Slutty Andre Agassi meth dealer?
BALK: Slutty NBC affiliate concerned by poor ratings for new 10 P.M. Leno show?
BALK: Slutty death row kitty?
David Cho is offline (3:14:22)
BALK: Everyone's a critic.
Slutty Henry Louis Gates, Jr.
So, Cornell West.
*Cornel* and I don't like the implication, sir!
Heh. Whoops.
Slutty shark with lasers.
…eating a bear.
slutty cheeto-eating bear. convince a friend to go as slutty minivan
Why not turn the clock back early so you can spend an extra hour with us here today, running it out!
Slutty Benson The Carp
Aww. You just made me sad
Benson lives on, within our inner-slut
He was in Harper's Index this past issue, which made me giggle.
Slutty Kate Gosselin haircut.
SLUTTY CHELSEA HANDLERS REAL BOOBS
I love you so hard, mathie.
Slutty Crooked Dolphin
IT WILL NEVER NOT MAKE ME LOL
I believe I sent you a .jpg of your Halloween costume yesterday, Balk.
http://www.icantbelievetheydidthat.com/Miscellaneous/bear-shark-octopus.jpg
(Vinnie Barbarino)
But not slutty.
Slutty promiscuous person.
Slutty Mackenzie Phillips.
Oh!
Slutty credit default swap.
Slutty Summer of Death (i.e., I'm here to kill you but let's fool around for a few minutes first).
Slutty Lady GaGa aka Lady GaGa.
I've been making this damn joke for nigh on three decades but damn it, I SWEAR this is the year I'm making Slutty Balk happen.
where will you source the fur?
From Balk's back?
Slutty awl gif.
Slutty alt text. Slutty hidden headline, RIP.
Slutty public option.
Slutty Julia Allison.
Slutty Super Shrimp.
Slutty garden statuary.
Slutty Filthy ApartOffice Desk.
Zombie in over-the-knee boots.
Shouldn't you be dressing as a Chippendale's dude(ette)?
Y'Awl should [sic].
Slutty Catpill.
Slutty change-bowl.
Slutty Single Digit Commenter Number.
Well, you have already cornered the market on slutty avatars so you might as well.
SLUTTY AVATAR HOW DID I NOT THINK OF THAT?
If I had enough time to get a boob job before tomorrow I would go as your avatar.
(I was kind of hoping Balk would get a set of costume boobs, strap a bottle of Knob Creek on 'em and go as His Own Biggest Fan.) (Alex? Maybe think about it?)
You could buy this shirt:
http://www.costumekingdom.com/p-10631-adult-costumes-hairy-shirt.aspx
Get a glass of bourbon, and strap a fake hand in front of your face and go as Balk's avatar. Then the circle would be complete.
Cantelopes?
SLUTTY MYSTERY COMMENTER #1
(*shakes fist* Cat! You just know that bastard got #1.)
Oooh, our next contest should be guess who is #1?
Nick Denton, the Cat, Maer Roshan, Balk's mom?
Nope, not me. My Alex "forgot" to send his own mother one of the advance invites, can you believe?
Awesome.
Balk's Mom's presence necessitates asterisks: Mystery Commenter #1 is so B***'* ****.
I'm actually taking part in a group costume this year entirely made up of inappropriately slutty costumes, mainly involving historocal figures. Slutty Gandhi. Slutty Florence Nightingale. Slutty Lincoln (crop top suit!), Slutty Pope Bonaface IV, etc. Me? Oh, I'm Slutty Anne Frank.
Too soon.
WAY TOO LATE.
You want 'too soon'?:
Slutty Neda
forgivemeforgivemeforgiveme
Hello My Name Is "Anne Skank."
Apologies, it was a 2.5 drink epiphany.
Slutty Daylight Savings Time
Helen Skellertor?
Greta van Sustren.
slutty.
I wish the Awl would pay more attention to the effects of the fall of Communism on Hungary and Poland. This is juvenile.
Slutty Perestroika..
Slutty Gulag
Slutty Hope for a Return to Stalinism
Shut up that post made me SO HAPPY.
Slutty Jon Corzine. I'll get all the ladies by simply not being as fat as the guy right behind me.
Based on this purple facepaint thing around my eye, I think I"m going as Slutty Domestic Abuse.
Slutty General Sherman marching through Georgia.
Slutty Ghengis Khan.
Zombie Zooey Deschanel. OH WAIT.
You'd have to make her livlier and less 'dead-eyed.'
It would be a REVERSE ZOMBIE.
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zooey Deschanel.
Slutty Blogger
Slutty bear-mangled non-testicled Joe Lieberman.
I will go as this, if you will go as Slutty AC.
Slutty Balk of Palm Beach
Slutty Giant Animatronic Monster Shrimp!!
Does slatternly count?
Slutty Bear, the most popular of the Care Bears3.
Maybe with a phallus on his tummy? Or a screen with porn on it?
(Sluty typos!)
So, slutty Teletubby?
Slutty Sully.
Does not compute…
Sullenberger.
Plane. Hudson.
I know. Of all the people mentioned so far, he's the one I have trouble picturing as slutty. But I'm a sucker for heroes.
Go as Berlusconi. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. As a bonus, it's automatically slutty.
but where would one get so many Italian whores at such a late hour?
From the Ukraine
Where does 'Real Housewives of New Jersey' get theirs?
Slutty prostitution whore.
Jack the Ripper victim.
Slutty pizza bagel.
How could we forget?
Slutty Short-Nosed Fruit Bat (may be redundant)
Actually, I like slutty Berlusconi better, but only if you can get a slutty Michelle Obama to go with you.
Pageview slut?
I just decided on Slutty Beth Ditto. Forealz.
Slutty Willem Dafoe's Birchbarked Peenie.
Slutty Fat JC Penney Mannequin.
Slutty Samantha Geimer
Slutty Nobel Peace Prize.
Slutty Butterfinger! ("Slutterfinger" to my friends.)