As if insisting on living forever and eating up all the flu antidote isn't worthy of enough spite, aged Floridians are pimping out and driving golf carts around their retirement villages. This article has a series of photos of seniors who have hoarded all their money to build miniature Hummers on golf-cart chassis instead of giving it to their unemployed children with mortgages. But the silver-haired residents of these humid enclaves are actually doing us a big favor. Apparently, you don't need a license to push these things around at 40 mph and people with known cases of MS and FAILING EYESIGHT are hopping behind the wheel like it's no big deal. Now if we could only build a colosseum around them, sell tickets, give them each a shot of NyQuil and take bets on the herd-thinning odds, we'd be golden. Oh, and we'll need a merch table for plastic visors and koozies.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
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That's great! Now they can be home in time for when their children don't call.
Hey old fulkz? It's called "walking."
I'm going to use some vocabulary I learned today while reading The Awl. These golf carts are incredulous! Based on these photos, in the patriarchal society of Florida, fat and/or old men are the primary users of them-hands off mama. Very difficult for any pederasty to take place. I'm just trying to be chaff, so no metacriticism please.
Fuck the youngs. They're only good for sex and paying off the deficit.
This is why we need death panels.
What we need more of is death panels?
Power wheels for the grandkids, these for the old folks.
How better to get your grandkids to want to visit you?
God, how fucking tacky. It's perfect for Florida.
Boomsday in 5, 4, 3, 2 ...
I'd bny a ticket, but only if they sold those giant foam hands and those "D" and "Fence" things at the merch table.
Okay, so on the one hand I do agree that this is a big waste of money, but on the other hand? I would love to have one of those babies when I'm old, assuming I can't quite manage a golden chariot pulled by mechanical unicorns, which would be my first choice.
if you had a golden chariot with mechanical unicorns you'd have to move the sun EVERY DAY and that's a drag.
WAIT A SECOND. Do unicorns fly? Or is it just Pegasus and Chrysaor? Wait I think Chrysaor is a boar. I wish those two brainiacs would stop fighting and teach me stuff.
Shit, you think people would hold me to that? The sun seems to be pretty much taking care of itself these days.
I think whether or not they fly depends on the mythology you're following, but generally, nope. Of course, if they're mechanical I guess it all depends on how they're engineered.
funky cold edema
One day, every heterosexual reader of this here website will look back with fondness upon this post and, in unison, identify it as the moment in which they all fell in love with the irrepressible Ms. Choi.
Oh, and, IDEA: why build a Coliseum all the way in Florida when Mr. Ratner is building an adequate venue right here in Brooklyn? If he agreed to this new sport for the off season, support for his egregious plans would double, nay triple!