Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

China Reveals Secret Swedish City Of Woodworking Lesbians

Where The Girls AreHow awesome is Sweden? We're not just talking about kick-ass robberies here. No, there's also this:

Chinese media have confirmed what we in the West suspected all along: that concealed in the northern Swedish woods is a city of 25,000 women, many of whom have turned to Sapphic love to satiate their natural Scandinavian sexual desires. According to news agancy Xinhua, the all-female enclave is called 'Chako Paul City', and was founded in 1820 by a 'wealthy widow'. The city is guarded by two blonde sentries who prevent men from entering. Those chaps who do unwisely attempt to force the issue risk being 'beaten half to death' by Nordic gender police.

"At 25,000 residents, the town would be one of the largest in northern Sweden, and I find it hard to believe that you could keep something like that a secret for more than 150 years," says a Swedish official looking to cast doubt upon the story, but when one reads very solid-sounding supporting details such as, "women who decide to leave the town to fulfill their carnal desires are only allowed to re-enter Chako Paul City if they agree to bathe and undertake several other measures designed to ensure that their out-of-town trysts don't negatively affect the mental state of other women in the town," it's hard not to imagine that such a place exists. Or, at they very least, should.

27 Comments / Post A Comment

saythatscool (#101)

I want to go there. CaptainFantastic! Fetch me my videocamera! We're off to shoot the natives, dear chum.

Why to I have the feeling we're not going to make it past our layover in Amsterdam?

saythatscool (#101)

They have legalized dope and prostitution there, don't they?

New plan! Who's hungry for pannekoeken?

GiovanniGF (#224)

I had a friend who was convinced there was a secret bar in Greenpoint where all the hot Polish girls would go without their scary male counterparts. I would be grateful if the Chinese media would contact me with the address of that bar directly, rather than to spread it around and spoil the whole thing.

atipofthehat (#797)

There is. But you need a hot Polish girl to take you there.

GiovanniGF (#224)

At best I can probably scare up a Romanian escort.

Mindpowered (#948)

If the Swedish tourism ministry has two braincells between them, they will be laying out the streets of this city as we speak.

mathnet (#27)

"When asked what else might be drawing tourists to northern Sweden besides the chance to visit an isolated town filled with sexually frustrated females, Wilhelmsson had a theory of his own.

"'It’s hard to say for sure, but I think part of it might be increased interest following our designation as Europe’s Cultural Capital for 2014,' he said."

NicFit (#616)

Bad 80's porn.

"'Scuse me, ma'am, but I'm just here to lay down this wood. I've been dragging it around since the last village and it's really heavy. What's that? No, my pants hang this low because of the weight of the tool near my belt."

narnio (#38)

Um: "Most of the population is involved in forestry, and workers boast a “thick waist belt full of woodworking equipment."

This is either totally fake, or an entirely new breed of cock-tease.

mathnet (#27)

Look. It would have been featured on The L Word.

Sakurambobomb (#1,722)

Ewww, girls!

davidwatts (#72)

I bet they're all real particular about how you stack the dishes and exactly how you cook the herring, and what do you mean you don't want to watch Gossip Girl?!?!? I say blarg to this city. Blarg!

HiredGoons (#603)

"Shangri Laaaadies!"

Maevemealone (#968)

With all flights to Sweden suddenly booked solid, someone is just going to have to pack a bag of cats and hike in from Finland. This is good old fashioned exploration.

EvilMonkey (#1,063)

Number one crime in Chako Paul City? Death by snoo-snoo.

Haha! That was my first thought, too!

Femputer's got quite the hold over those ladies.

Me too.
Femputer, RIP!

How your Ikea furniture gets made.

HonoriaGlossop (#1,247)

The whole premise of this town is faulty – lesbian or not, I don't think any woman could bear to live with 25,000 other women.

They're worried about out-of-town trysts negatively affecting the mental state of other women in the town???

HonoriaGlossop (#1,247)

Seriously, that's got to be the only thing keeping them from beating one another to death with their hammers. Especially since the, uhhh, cycles of women tend to align when they're together for long stretches of time… So right there you've got a forest of 25,000 women all pms-ing at the same exact time.

Oh, the PMS days will be bad, sure. But let's not kid ourselves about the OTHER days!

Maevemealone (#968)

It's just a series of tunnels….

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

Var SÃ¥ God!

spackler (#1,837)

this one

has pictures. pretty amazing pictures.

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