Shep Smith does a six minute segment on the Vail grandmother who savaged a bear with her pillow. It is somewhat astounding, particularly when Shep solemnly reminds us that bears need to know that we "have dominion over the land" and mutters darkly about how they need to be put down "once they get a taste of human food." There is also video of a bear falling onto-and then off of-a trampoline, which gets a hearty chuckle from all involved, except the bear.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
10
One of the major reasons that bears approach residential areas is because the effing humans are destroying their natural habitat. I guess that counts as human dominion over the land, Shep.
Wait, Is this the same granny who'll be facing a death panel? Tough year!
"Strange things happen in Colorado, [pause to reminisce],..."
Seems to me that bear wrestling is recession-proof. It's been a bad economy.
The come-hither look when he says "found a big hairy bear in her bedroom" says so much.
... "and no, it wasn't her boyfriend". a real WTFfest, that Shep.
Did anyone watch the Tonight Show a few weeks ago where the new animal wrangler guy brought all these animals out to potentially maul Conan? (the episode also featured Joel McHale). Anyway, I learned one thing from that episode and that is: BEARS LOVE MARSHMALLOWS. So I now always carry a bag of marshmallows just in case.
That fact has to be one of my favorite things about bears. They can be all mean and RARRR I'LL EAT YOUR FACE AND UNMAKE YOUR BED!!!1! but show them a marshmallow and they fall to their knees with tears of hope in their eyes....
If you REALLY want to make friends with a bear, get some Krispy Kreme doughnuts AND a big can of the grease in which the doughnuts are fried.
Shep solemnly reminds us that bears need to know that we "have dominion over the land..."
This claim clearly needs to be litigated in a court of law. Maybe the process server could chew Shep's face off when he hands him the papers.