Despite having no frame of reference for things that hover other than sci-fi vehicles like skateboards in Back in to the Future II, Jesus, I did think the Griffon Hovercraft that's traversing the Arctic for evidence of an asteroid strike would be up my alleyway. But according to this Wired article, it's not powered by something cool like super-scary magnets that could kill you by sucking out all the iron particles in your blood stream like Magneto which is what I needed it to be. It's powered by air or some shit. "[It] weighs six tons but exerts no more pressure on any patch of ice than a seagull standing on one leg."
Whatever, seagull leg?
Everybody knows you need to be able to thread the whole craft through a massive hula hoop with NO TOUCHING for it to be a real hovercraft. And then there's the fact that this retired geoscientist just went and bought it because not only was he SUPER excited about the Arctic floor, he HAPPENED to be the heir to a bubblegum fortune that's so old money and colony-hardcore that it's called the American Chicle Company. I hope they NEVER find the stupid asteroids. Unless those asteroids house teeny tiny alien communities that have developed life so technologically advanced that they've invented hovercrafts of their own. But like, real ones. The size of sea monkeys. With teeny tiny guns. I would sell humans out in a second because I'd know who'll be winning. That right people, aliens are who's now. Respect.
Excellent. And I feel your pain. Similar to the memory of opening up the Star Wars action-figure land speeder and finding the hidden little springy wheels that made it "hover" over the Tatooine desert I was imagining my kitchen floor to be. Cheating!
(But then that was like, three years ago.)
Where'd you get that picture of Paul McCartney?
ps - I know, I know.
"[It] weighs six tons but exerts no more pressure on any patch of ice than six seagulls standing on top of one another's backs when the bottom seagull is standing on one leg. No more, no less."
AHAHAHA. YEAH BUT NO BUT YEAH BUT are the in-between seagulls standing on one leg or both. It makes a difference. Also, does one of the middle seagulls have a secret fanny pack filled with dense snacks like prunes? Makes a difference. Also, WAIT A MINUTE I GET IT pressure has to do with force and area. So while two seagull legs are no big deal, one is really fancy.
You guys want some prunes? I brought some prunes in case anyone got hungry.
Also, yeah, what a ridiculous thing. I do love it though. Me, I exert no more pressure than 20 seagulls standing on one leg and if you filled their bones with lead. It's like the British "stone." I weigh 50 seagulls and two pounds. My dream weight is 45 seagulls and one pound. My friend weighs 38 seagulls and nine pounds, though, and I hate her!
OMG. Did you know that it's a thing that hello kitty weighs 3 apples? I love that.
Hahaha. Perfect.