And now, our irregular but handy guide to happenings in New York, L.A. and the rest of the world! Oh hey, remember when MTV's video music awards had some level of relevance in our lives? No? Wait, what about when Jean-Paul Gaultier designed Madonna's colonial orgy for the VMA's. It was such a delicious confection of fashion, pop, and spectacle; everyone was like "oooh, this is pretty AND IMPORTANT!" Has such a theatrical, crazed moment played out on the VMA stage since? Well no. Even when Kanye or Fall Out Angel Waves or whomever does a ditty for the broadcast, it always feels like some afterthought on a publicity tour. But not Lady Gaga. She's set to take the stage on Sept 13th and in her words "inspire a movement." Oh, the Gags.

So Lady G is the most interesting pop star out there (even if she's a wee bit full of shit.) She wants to be a walking art installation about stardom so, you know, fuck it, we're game. Here's a cryptic/awesome interview she did with Newsweek and you can read Jezebel's very impassioned Defense of LG here. (Also, Russell Brand is hosting again. Here is a delightful 'Fresh Air' interview with Brand. He talks about crack cocaine with Terry Gross!) (9/13)

Movies: Apocalypuppets!

* 9 (not to be confused with Nien, Cloud 9, or The Nine) is enjoyable! I caught a screening last night and like any Tim Burton collaboration, the dark and intricate visuals pretty much outweigh a weak plot and a suspiciously short running time. Go see it, tough. 9's thimble-eyed potato sack puppets scuttling around a scorched Earth makes for some fine drama. (9/9)

* And the week after? Jennifer's Body. Much more on this later. Heh. But for now, let us say that, based on a screening that was apparently not quite the final cut, 25% of it is Heathers-worthy. Is that enough? Maybe!

Books: On Hoarding and Brothers

* Catching up on the recently published, there'sAwait Your Reply by Dan Chaon and E.L. Doctorow's Homer and Langley, about the infamous New York recluses who hoarded all the ephemera and material progress of the 19th century in their brownstone on 5th Avenue (and it is good, despite the ludicrous Joyce Carol Oates review in the New Yorker.) This is my favorite passage from the book:

"They were Americans who had fled there to live in rows of shacks which their leader proposed to them as an idealistic Communist paradise. They had practiced suicide by drinking harmless red liquidin lieu of poison, but when it came time their leader said they could no longer tolerate repression of the outside world, they did not hesitiate to swallow the real thing. All nine hundred of them. I asked Langley, Where do you put this event? He said he thought at first to file it under Fashion, as when everybody is all at once wearing the new color."

Oh and obviously we will be arguing about the Lorrie Moore book when we finally start it.

* And upcoming this month! The Francine Prose book on Anne Frank, and, hell yes, Margaret Atwood's The Year of the Flood. It's the year of dystopia!

* Here is a funny thing about this fall's book season: "'I've had both Philip Roth and Orhan Pamuk described as possible sleepers, which gives you an idea of what the fall is like when those people are sleepers,' Tom Nissley, senior books editor at Amazon.com, said." Heh. Books: coming out our ears.

New York Events That Aren't At Film Forum

* The Invisible Exports gallery is hosting a 30-year retrospective devoted to the work of the performance artist, gender-bender and provocateur Genesis Breyer P-Orridge. It's like the Gentleman Gaga. But, you know, way first. (9/9)

* And also the return of the art season brings a new show by Type A, the hot dude duo who do competitive boy things. (Opens 9/10 at Goff + Rosenthal, along with nearly everything else in Chelsea.)

* Along with the art season comes fashion week. Man. Like, avoid Bryant Park.

* Hamlet, with Jude Law, begins previews on Broadway. Oh my God. Twelve weeks only, Broadhurst Theatre! This is a fine reason to link to Lane Brown's comic about hunky Broadway stars. (9/12)

* Possibly official Awl Favorite Band/Person, Destroyer, is playing! This Saturday! At the Miller Theater. (9/12)

* And those freakballs Of Montreal are playing at Terminal 5, which will sell out soonish, one would imagine. (9/18)

* The Candidate, staring the Ref! (9/8)

* The Moth Main Stage is the venerable storytelling series done both without notes and with brevity. You've heard Moth stories on This American Life and they have moved you in weak moments. Favorite: Collin Quinn tanking at a Robert De Niro roast. (9/10)

Events that are Happening in LA that are Not in Silverlake

*John Hughes Tribute at the New Beverly. Mr. Rooney from Ferris Bueller's Day off is going to be there! (9/4 & 5)

* A.J. Jacobs is reading at Vroman's bookstore in Pasadena. He will have a lot of shtick. (9/17)

* Notable on the UCB schedule: Rob Hubel and Paul Sheer are doing a night (9/7). Also Paperheart star Charlene Yi. who is as precious as a singing Gummy Bear, will perform on 9/11.

* Coming of Rage: The Sins of Anita Bryant is opening at El Centro. LA Weekly's theater critic, who is one tough cream puff to impress, suggests that you go! (On now.)

Enjoy this cotton-top tamarin!