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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

18

Russian Billionaire Installs Gigantic Yacht Forcefield

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OK, so it's not like a real forcefield to where if you dropped an anvil on it it'd ping off and ricochet onto the deck of some Russian tugboat that was just trying to live-but it's close. Way close. AND this one doesn't even have a fontanelle like the one around Springfield in the Simpsons movie that was maybe not so good, so you know it means business. Big, hard-headed business. Roman Abramovich, the guy who owns a bunch of oil, the Chelsea football team and a 557-foot boat called Eclipse, has installed a paparazzi shield around his $1.2 billion vessel. The pap precaution is a series of lasers that sweep the perimeter and blast light into any snapping digicams. I mean, I get it. He doesn't want dirty Daily Mirror types nipping at the Eclipse's soul, trapping it forever in a photograph, but any Russian baller worth his polonium would've just bought an identical decoy yacht. Am I right?

18 Comments / Post A Comment

lululemming
lululemming (#409)

How evil do I have to be to get invited on this yacht? Because I can be that evil. Also, autumn resolution= make more friends who own boats.

NotAndersonCooper

Desperately Seeking Oligarch.

kitten_witawip

I would start pricing breast implants.

lululemming
lululemming (#409)

Which I reckon would come in handy if the boat sinks. Practical!

formerly it takes a lot etc.

What's the point of buying a boat that big if it doesn't get you into the papers?

Mary HK Choi
Mary HK Choi (#1,469)

right? toy.

Ronit
Ronit (#1,557)

How baller would it be if he bought his own ocean?

CaptainFantastic

That's a remote-controlled, toy helicopter on the bow. Right?

CaptainFantastic

A gross of Groucho Marx disguise glasses would have been way cheaper. C'mon Roman, you don't get rich writing checks!

johnpseudonym
johnpseudonym (#1,452)

Thank you for this picture of a Russian yacht that has a forcefield to prevent taking pictures of it. Hey, wait a minute ...

Dave Bry
Dave Bry (#422)

"A great white castle on water”?! Yum! (Though, really, a slider that size would need something more substantial, and carbonated, to wash it down.)

Also: I love this piece. But I have to disagree about the identical decoy yacht. If you have the resources to shoot lasers in the direction of your enemies, that's what you do.

Mary HK Choi
Mary HK Choi (#1,469)

OR you put the boat, the ocean, and the atmosphere in a tinted hyperbaric chamber and make a giant snowglobe that no one can see through but everyone can imagine the fun that's going on inside but they can't really imagine because their minds are too low rent to even BEGIN to fantasize what's actually happening.

Dave Bry
Dave Bry (#422)

Right. A hater-blocking biosphere.

sorry your heinous

If anyone watched Jerry Jones' new Dallas Cowboys stadium on Sunday night (American Football), that gleaming monstrosity cost $1.2 billion. I don't really understand how a boat can cost that much. Is the furniture upholstered in baby skin?

gregorg
gregorg (#30)

Too bad there's not any other technology for shooting pictures besides digital.

Maybe RA's just doing his part to keep the film camera industry alive.

HiredGoons
HiredGoons (#603)

I'd call it tacky, if I weren't dripping jealousy.

atipofthehat
atipofthehat (#797)

The lasers are actually to keep James Bond off the yacht. But with the help of a wise old Hatian fisherman and a former Elite Model Look contest runner-up, Bond will prevail.

HiredGoons
HiredGoons (#603)

but which Bond?

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