Poor Monica Hesse Is Also A Failed Lesbian
Poor Monica Hesse is hated by every gay blogger in America pretty much, because she wrote a funny Washington Post profile about the head of NOM NOM NOM, who is a cheery douchebag with an obsession on hating gay marriage, and all the gays were like, NO ONE CAN BE NICE TO THAT MONSTER. Which isn't a terribly wrong viewpoint, but, seriously homos, turn it down a notch. So the WaPo ombudsman devoted his Sunday column to Miss Monica and her story, and revealed that she is a failed lesbian! This is so much better than "I have soooo many black friends."
As far as journalism goes, this is all so rotten, because it's basically the paper saying "we should be more neutral and boring," which, nope, you should not! Do not do that! And sure that story wasn't ideal, but come on.
But as far as the lesbianism goes: say what? This is what she wrote to the Hordes of Angry Readers, according to the ombudsbore:
"My current partner is a man," she wrote them. "Before him, my partner of two years was a woman, with whom I discussed health insurance, kids, houses and marriage. You can bet that I found the fact that our marriage wouldn't have been legal to be wrong as hell."
Apparently now she is 28. But according to a piece of hers from earlier this month, "last year," when she was 26, she told all her friends she was getting married, after three years with her boyfriend. Which means they started when she was… 23? And, she would have graduated Bryn Mawr when she was… 22? (Which, you know: insert "compulsory lesbian" Bryn Mawr joke here.) Apart from the timeline, and whatever, I have had back-to-back lovers and who hasn't (also: that's what she said!), the problem with her trend story accounting of telling her friends she was getting married and how they all freaked out is like, um, maybe some of them were freaking out because YOU WERE OSTENSIBLY A LESBIAN (and actually she did look a bit more lady-loving back in 2004), which she does not at all mention? Oh and also you were talking about marriage with her but then you were suddenly with a man. Listen, we are all down with bisexuals here, we think it is great. But you have to give your friends and your trend stories a little bit of extra room and tender loving care and I guess "honesty" if you care going to bisex it up.
Isn't math great?
is that your crotch being grabbed in your pic or are you grabbing someone else's behind? or nevermind…
LUG. Do people still say that?
(lesbian until graduation)
I wonder why there is no male equivalent to that. Like, "yeah, I was taking a men's studies class and got really close to my professor and sucked a lot of cock, but then I realized I really wanted to settle down with a woman." Or maybe it does happen, but there's no term for it.
Liberal Arts School.
Of course there's an equivalent. "I was in a fraternity."
KenWheaton: HA! Excellent!
Dunno, but my friends from Smith always talked about '4-year lesbians.'
we all love 'our friends from Smith.'
I thought at first that you were using 'NOM NOM NOM' in place of 'Gawker Media.'
Also, the .com domain 'BacktoBackLovers' is still available.
‘BacktoBackLovers’
ur doin it wrongz
:P
"You can bet that I found the fact that our marriage wouldn't have been legal to be wrong as hell"
I read this to mean that not being able to get married turned her straight.
In her new book Amy Sohn tries to make "hasbian" happen. I really hope it does not happen.
My mom has a few lesbian friends, and she always brings them up when talkin' 'bout my geighness. It makes her feel cool.
I think it's kind of adorable.
I love my dead gay son.
This is Ohio. If you don't have a brew in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.
Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse.
It was a "Heathers" reference. I am an old.
nice reference.
I am 'not-quite-as-old' but still loved it, Kitten.
Anyone else hear rumors about this 'Heathers' TV show? Blargh.
The 'Heathers' TV show needs to die a quick death.
In my fantasy life, I got a shout-out there. Warm feeling!
I would pay good money to see the failed lesbian try again. On pay-per-view.
Failed Lesbian would be an excellent rock band name.
But nowhere near as excellent as Is Your Baby Racist?
Call it Your Failed Lesbian Baby's Racist and you get an HBO variety show!
Marge Simpson once said that being a lesbian didn't make you less of a being. Does being a failed lesbian make Hess any less of a failed being?
Gays and straights agree: bisexuals are lesser and worthy of our hatred!
Cute.
Not this straight. Dionysian parties ain't shit without a few Bi's. But I think we can all do without the Bi for attention Sorostitute types or the faux arty (fauxrty?) Male version.
"Some say they're bisexual, but most just think they're kidding themselves."
stray bi forty/fauxrty fratstitute sorority sisters failed/not failed drop out dead gorgeous lesbo freakshow huh confused and dazed?
need sleep soon
which end is up
Risen Lord Jesus' Peace!
e.t./sue > *:D (: +