Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

Long Player With D. R. Adams: Gravitar And Excuses

Long Player, MOTHERFUCKERI have been reading a lot of stuff about the crystal skulls. Also some stuff about people unearthing a bunch of very tall skeletons. Now I don't know about giant skeletons (people say they are fake-see chupacabras) but this crystal skull stuff is amazing. They even made the old person Indiana Jones movie about all this. They exist. They're… blah blah blah.

Gravitar!This column was supposed to be about Gravitar and dentistry (because the game is like having teeth pulled-it's that hard!) and about neighbors. I mean, like the neighbors in The 'Burbs. (Tom Hanks at his best? Easily argued.)

But I don't think I can even finish this column today because I have a bunch of stuff I have to do to get ready for my big two weeks in NYC (woo hoo!). [Ed. Note-It's true. The other day he sent us a picture of a huge bunch of boxes he has to unpack. It looked positively Sisyphean. He also sent a picture of a license plate shaped like a bear. For some reason.]

I have not seen Danzig since I moved here and I am getting really nervous that maybe he doesn't even live nearby. My buddy Keith laughs all the time when I ask about him.

Anyway, I will see you next week with more content. Here is my note from the doctor:
I question the legitimacy of this note.


P.S. The invisible universe screens on Gravitar are not fair. Here is a link to this mindbending game.

David Ryan Adams is a musician, writer, and visual artist. A one time plumber and Hardee's employee, his new collection of original paintings will debut at the Morrison Hotel Gallery's Bowery space on September 23. The gallery will also be featuring a new series of works for auction, with the proceeds going to benefit the Housing Works Bookstore Cafe. His second book of poetry, Hello Sunshine, hits the shelves this fall. You can find him in the B.C. Rich section of most guitar stores. He is amazing and much taller and far more handsome in person. He is an American treasure like fruit bats or bungee jumping. Feel his fragrant fire here.

Previously: Gorf, The End Of The World, And The Legacy Of Danzig

68 Comments / Post A Comment

lululemming (#409)

Stars! They're just like us.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

Where's the "we let him get away with this subpar shit because he's famous" tag?

(I still have that damned cold, ergo I am still cranky.)

But the dog is in the video again! I love that dog. (Also I am so much more subpar most days.)

Alex Balk (#4)

I'm sorry, if you didn't laugh several times during this you were trying not to.

theDRA (#1,108)

feel better! : )

slinkimalinki (#182)

hmmm. how about: "we let everyone get away with subpar shit because, relatively often, the subpar shit turns into something goddamned amazing, although possibly not this time."

sunnyciegos (#551)

Ryan Adams made an Arrested Development reference!!!!


Bob Loblaw?

Also, when will capitalists create an affordable stand-up cabinet where one can play all the arcade favorites of one's childhood? Those ROMs are basically free
if pirated, but I would pay cash money for an integrated, legal experience. Sayuhn'

theDRA (#1,108)

they make those Williams cabinets with all the games in there. I like em dedicated tho. but i shop hard for the bargains.

HiredGoons (#603)

Researchers found that the skull had been carved against the natural axis of the crystal. Modern crystal sculptors always take into account the axis, or orientation of the crystal's molecular symmetry, because if they carve "against the grain," the piece is bound to shatter — even with the use of lasers and other high-tech cutting methods.

To compound the strangeness, HP could find no microscopic scratches on the crystal which would indicate it had been carved with metal instruments. Dorland's best hypothesis for the skull's construction is that it was roughly hewn out with diamonds, and then the detail work was meticulously done with a gentle solution of silicon sand and water. The exhausting job — assuming it could possibly be done in this way — would have required man-hours adding up to 300 years to complete.

Now you're talking my language. Everything I know about Crystal Skulls I learned from "In Search Of .." the creepy 1970s Nimoy-hosted version of the less paranormal but no less creepy Unsolved Mysteries.

HiredGoons (#603)

both brilliant programmes hosted by men with creepy baritones.

theDRA (#1,108)

throw in Cosmos re-runs and who needs to leave the house ever!

Creepy baritones, hints of the paranormal, crystal skulls, Yeti sightings and cosmic references? All this with overworked smoke machines and ethereal soundracks? Who needs to leave home ever, indeed!

Abe Sauer (#148)

wow. it's funny but what a huge waste of a script. plus, and I'm going to mention it every time I read one of these columns, fruit bats and bungee jumping are not American. (unless they are being used to imply Ryan is unamerican)

theDRA (#1,108)

dude, don't hate

Why do you hate America, Ryan?

Abe Sauer (#148)

I don't WANT to hate. And anyway, is it being a hater to point out some niggling FACT?

TheEarl (#1,549)

who cares if you're un-american or not?
patriots piss me off
who gives a fuck at the end of the day?
im not saying america is bad, its good to be proud of your roots…but people are so intense and touchy about it…

people should chill

HiredGoons (#603)

they prefer to be called Queer Bats, Abe.

jolie (#16)

This actually made me laugh out loud. I don't have a very sophisticated sense of humor, no.

theDRA (#1,108)

I played with America on Letterman- srsly. desert/horse/no name/ etc America

Probably wasn't hard to learn the song.

It's basically just TWO CHORDS, over and over, isn't it??

Baboleen (#1,430)

Didn't they do a song called "Muscrat Love"?

Flashman (#418)

A lot of the technology that went into making the actual bungee cord itself was American – and developed by the 3M Corporation, of Minnesota.

etsryan (#1,501)

crat love is by captain & tenille

Baboleen (#1,430)

America did write Muskrat Love, Capt. and Tenille covered it. Wonder what inspired them to write about two rodent's relationship?

mBrad (#1,276)

DRA – re: danzig. i know the house, with the overgrown foliage and the hole in the roof. i never thought it would get patched, alas it has been. once, when the hole was still there, we were driving by after lunch with an out of towner and said, "we've heard that's danzig's house." as we zoomed by, a smallish guy with long hair was hunkered down in the overgrown front yard, in a weeding like, or maybe trash picking up pose, and at that moment he looked up…

kpants (#719)

"Smallish" indeed. He is a surprisingly petite man, just tiny enough it seemed I could nearly tuck him into my pocket. Also, he wore impressively elevated (read: stack heeled) shoes back in the day that seemed very glamorous! Like Prince! Only less Prince-y and more Prince of Darkness-y.

SuspendedBelief (#1,371)

I thought his arcade was awesome, the dog is adorable, and the video made me laugh a lot. Who could ask for more?

Hez (#147)

I think Balk may have just found himself a new doctor!

Expect to see that with Balk's name in place of Ryan's on it tomorrow about noon.

Dave Bry (#422)

I like the DIO shirt in the skateboarding scenes. "Holy diver, you've been down too long in the midnight sea!"

mgmt. (#1,497)

kinda wish all this gaming panache was going into new jams. also, in my fantasies, ryan is a little more wasted and a lot more flannel. but, you know, health and california and all. i get it.

OMG, did I see DEFENDER in your arcade, Ryan?

Do Defender next! Please! I LOVED that game.

The best. arcade. game. ever.

kpants (#719)

But if he's on an Atari kick, he must do Miner 2049'er next! Which, alas, I believe was never carried over to arcade machines from the Atari 800, but nevertheless ranks as!

lululemming (#409)

Okay, maybe this has been covered elsewhere, but why are we D.R. Adams all of the sudden? Could D.R. Adams not have been the solution to all the awful, awful people who yelled out at your shows (in my hometown, and I'm sure in others) that "hey, would it not be swell if you played 'Summer of '69'"?
I am hoping this question does not elicit a Billy Bob Thornton-esque reaction; mine is a genuine question, and I ask it even though I am well-known for making suggestions that have usually already been made and tossed out years ago.

theDRA (#1,108)

my friends call me DR. you can call me the doctor. Doctor Patient if you're in a hurry

lululemming (#409)

Just don't call you late to file your column. Hiyo!

theDRA (#1,108)

ah snap BURN- so harsh

s (#1,523)

dr= dude's righteous.

I kinda assumed this was at least partially so that it is a semi-incognito thing, mostly in the sense that in google searches and in The Awl's writing it didn't appear as "HEY EVERYBODY, RYAN ADAMS IS WRITING A COLUMN FOR US!" and the site doesn't essentially become marketed as Ryan's blog 2.0.
If that's at least partially why, it makes me happy, because a celebrity guest columnist that respects the cool thing going on here, and doesn't want to shamelessly steal the thunder of the website would seem to be tough to come by.
If it's totally unrelated, then you're all assholes.

Flashman (#418)

I suspect it's because Mr Adams is intent on exploring new themes and ideas here, ideas that are a little more 'out there' than his more mainstream identity.

Halloweenhead (#1,386)

O.M.G. JOUST! Doooooooood… I love that crazy ostrich!

I am going to start saying "AHH Shit. This is hyperspace!" when things unexpectedly go wrong in my life.

I enjoy this multimedia column/experience.

P.S. What kind of dog is that? Because I must have one. I am in love, just like Choire.

Goodfella (#1,524)

So, DR, what's better, Phoenix the game or Phoenix the band?

Who is DR/Ryan Adams? He's too young to be in Danzig but he said something about music but I am "with it" enough to know he is probably not Canadian Supercrooner Brian Adams.

But the thing is I really really like watching people play video games.

Abe Sauer (#148)

If you love watching people play you MUST have seen King of Kong…yes?

etsryan (#1,501)

look him up on the web dude ryan adams…without a b
or try the cardinals although that isn't current right now…come out of your (man?) cave once in a while and surf the net

Burning Photographs

"i used to be sad now i'm just bored with you…"
(guitar! ah…)

pretty pictures in a magazine…

make believe

its true

Risen Lord Jesus' Peace!
e.t./sue > *:D (: +

The dog looks like some sort of poodle or Bichon or terrier or a terrier mixed with a poodle or Bichon.

The human looks like Pat Sansone from Wilco.

The video was funny. Skateboarding -> good. POV skateboarding -> not good.

Now I might give "D.R." Adams' music a listen, since I was soured to him based on my previous Gawker-only exposure to him.

theDRA (#1,108)

she is the best Rescue Dog/ Terrier/Somethin' else mix ever!!!

EmmyLee (#1,492)

let me just say i know almost nothing about video games but there is something strangely fascinating about watching D.R. play…like, i could probably watch and never get bored. because he makes it hilarious. props.

Baboleen (#1,430)

DR- How are you at driving?

theDRA (#1,108)

not sure, call 1-800- DunnoHowsMyDrivin

California Speeds!! Arg! This was the game, more than any other at the arcade, would divide the genders. We of the fairer sex could simply not HANDLE the speed. And this would give the boys a chance to gloat. She who could handle the hairpin turns and shift that chunky evil gear thingy made all the rest of us burn with envy. AHHH that game!!

etsryan (#1,501)


Risen Lord Jesus' Peace!
e.t./sue > *:D (: +

gitfwrapped (#1,534)

Contagious awesomeness? I must remember that one. :)

Rocketman (#1,542)

We really need more arcades here, I mean the real kind like we played in the 80's…Ryan you should open up a chain of arcades ;)

TheEarl (#1,549)

I care Mr. Adams, I care.

Play streetfighter…

Got Milk?

LaurenMarie (#1,552)

Not Tom Hanks best work, but arguably Corey Feldman's most significant contribution to cinematography.

Back when we would go to play on Tumblr, this argument was never lost.

ratsonparade (#1,433)

I believe you should find yourself a new doctor. One that can spell, preferably. Or is that how they doose it out in California? Crazy hippies.

Goodfella (#1,524)

Will you be doing anything in the future like Pink Magic? I enjoyed it.

Bittersweet (#765)

DR, you have Tempest! My favorite ever! I am seriously in love…with your house. And your dog.

bensingleton (#1,560)

Totally off topic! but does anyone remember that blade runner game for pc that was out years ago?.

such a good game!

the intro!!

Oklahoma Clayton (#1,612)

Hey Ryan, don't listen to the jerks. You are arguably the greatest musician of all time. You are welcome in Okc always. When will you come back?

WiLL1975 (#2,741)

One of my favorite games to play was parked inside our local mall at the entrance to K-Mart. Spy Hunter was the name and the game, it was there in two forms. One was the full-on one where you sit inside it like you are REALLY DRIVING! The other, the stand-up version. Seeing all those games reminded me of that, so cool.

You probably don't remember this, but I talked to you outside The Spotted Pig in September. I was in NY for my honeymoon? Anyways, just wanted to say again that my one and only time seeing you play was on the Oasis tour that came to Calgary, Alberta, Canada. It was amazing and I selfishly hope that you do a Canadian tour someday in the future. Sorry, back to video games. Your arcade is rad and I want one.

Kristina Glasgow (#3,903)

Now I see… a doctor's note for an excuse… naughty! :P

On a later post you mention the Beatles rock band game – SNOB! I kick some serious ass on that game! Now we need a rock band or singstar game from you! LOL. Video games… addictive. Super Nintendo 2 – still have from 17 years ago or so. Shit – now I feel just a little bit old. SIGH. Moved onto PS2 and have a wii also now. Where else can I learn to kick some serious boxing ass? HA HA HA. My parents ran a pool room when I was a wee tiny thing (smirk) and I therefore grew up with pinball and the older standing games. Whatever the hell you'd call them. Streetfighter, Ms Pac Man, Michael Jackson, the Simpsons – you name it. Good times… LOL.

Well – I'm off. Cleaning time – maybe blare Jacksonville City Nights while I battle the mess that is my upstairs. SIGH.

Hoping you emerge from your hideout soon. Looking forward to the rumoured next book – Neal's tided me over 'til that beautiful moment! (stroke your ego and you might get your ass in gear! :P Music would also be awesome but I'm not greedy. I'll annoy you for one thing at a time!



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