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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

107

Karl Lagerfeld Extrudes Huge Puffy Chanel Bag O' Fug

LILY ALL INIt's September 30th, 2009 which, as you all know, is just three days shy of that life-altering moment we've all been waiting for: the release of the Cocoon by Chanel line. You know the one, it's got Lily "fake retiree" Allen in the campaign looking Audrey or Gabrielle or whatever gamine, doe-eyed/sloe-eyed, long-necked, 3/4 length everything, somethingsomethingmignonmignonDIAMONDS!

Cocoon, for those who remain completely ignorant of such very important, cataclysmic fashion tectonic plate shifts (Oh that? That's just a new STYLE HORIZON, no biggie), is not just a Hume Cronyn movie about oldies and aliens, it's also this one, hotly-anticipated series of bags and accessories. It's also totally confusingly uggo.

WTF

I love Karl. He is, as I've said many times before, my spirit animal. He is just LOUSY (the chockablock kind, not the bad kind) with talent/canny/l'esprit and I summon him (hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the north, I INVOKE THEE) when I have big decisions to make. That said, I am wicked bewildered at how plain these purses are. Especially the bucket-tote non-quilted ones (because, to be honest, as soon as they get HUMONGO, quilted and have a hilariously pedestrian function-I'm talking to you garment bag-they admittedly get a little cute).
OH GIRL

Am I missing something? Are these like, eco-friendly or something? Is my really pretty purse inside the homely one just aching to shuck the fug and fly on out? I can't stand the rain either and these Missy Elliott circa Supa Dupa Fly jams are not shutting it down for me. I'm sorry, when did Chanel start taking cues from (BAAAAAAAAAAARF) Moncler? Deuce-deuce in your bubble goose. Not the gun kind, the poo kind. I am deeply sadface about this.

UH WHAT?

107 Comments / Post A Comment

atipofthehat
atipofthehat (#797)

Another puff piece.

BoHan
BoHan (#29)

By golly gosh darn it, I've seen better-looking sofa pillows at Pier One.

BoHan
BoHan (#29)

Or alternatively, his outlet store at Cabazon was running low on inventory.

mathnet
mathnet (#27)

Duh it transforms into a sleeping bag.

NinaHagen
NinaHagen (#131)

That's a diaper bag - sorry Karl.

Baroness
Baroness (#273)

Or a gaping, puffy Freudian vagina stand-in. Engorged!

WindowSeat
WindowSeat (#180)

Is Karl's key demographic adult diaper-ish now? I know the incontinent ladies loved the Lacroix Pouf Skirt in it's heyday.

sox
sox (#652)

is that really lily allen? that's more photoshop than the mariah carey album cover if i do say so myself.

Olivia2.0
Olivia2.0 (#1,716)

Mary, I love your posts. Also, this is totally how I felt about these Marc Jacobs bags: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_-6OFLxN8FL4/SOSlHvASuyI/AAAAAAAAA9A/QHk1PeVzppo/s320/Marc+by+Marc+Jacobs+Pretty+Puffer+Little+Tate+Tote,+168.jpg
and I think that Marc and Karl must be pulling a joke on us or something? I hate them.

Mary HK Choi
Mary HK Choi (#1,469)

It's perplexing. I mean, Marc's BEEN pulling wool cause he's a hardbody meanie but Karl? He of, "You can't take things for granted. You need a sword of Damocles hanging over a relationship"? There is insufficient fear here. He's going to lose us.

slinkimalinki
slinkimalinki (#182)

marc's is still less hideous.

ContainsHotLiquid

Sofa-purse.

Off-topic, BUT

Since I am nervous about later, and you are people who know these things, I will ask:

I bought an engagement ring. It is not a diamond. It is a sapphire. Is this acceptable?

RocketSurgeon
RocketSurgeon (#1,632)

I think so. My friend's sister got a sapphire for her engagement ring and it looks awesome. Good luck.

ContainsHotLiquid

Thanks, I am going to fucking need it.

Choire Sicha

OMG. WHAT! I mean yes, that is fine, but here is my question: did you not discuss this with your intended??? I understand the element of surprise is key but women know what they want and they are often happy to tell you!

I do think it'll be great, because, hey, it's exciting to be proposed to. But also, um, is it returnable??

ContainsHotLiquid

She showed me some styles she had in mind, and though this is not one of them, it's close.
But still. Knowing nothing about it, I would not have considered sapphire engagement-type material. You know how particular people can be about these things.

ContainsHotLiquid

Hopefully in a year's time I will be all "Hey honey I bought you a gift" and she will be like "WTF This is cotton this is not paper SEND IT BACK!". Etc.

sox
sox (#652)

i say so long as it's a stone that has some meaning to her, i.e. not your ex girlfriend's birth stone or something. happy proposing!

Choire Sicha

Okay, I think you are GOOD TO GO. My fingers and legs are crossed for you!

David Cho
David Cho (#3)

Choire: "I understand the element of surprise is key but women know what they want and they are often happy to tell you!"

What do you know about women!?!?!?

slinkimalinki
slinkimalinki (#182)

@cho...probably more than you do, CARBONATION BOY.

slinkimalinki
slinkimalinki (#182)

it would be acceptable to me, because diamonds are all like "blerk, is that a BLOOD DIAMOND?", but who knows about sapphires, they're probably more ethically sound.

ContainsHotLiquid

Ah, I am assuaged. Thanks everyone!

Mindpowered
Mindpowered (#948)

I got around the blood diamond stigmata by buying a Canadian diamond. Little wee polar bear.

The better half and I are looking at Sapphire wedding rings.

cherrispryte
cherrispryte (#444)

Ehrm not always more ethically sound. Burma's a big exporter of sapphires (and other gemstones), and they tend to, you know, imprision democratically elected ladies and go to war against armies led by twin cigar-smoking 12 year olds.

Conclusion: Source your stones.

Mary HK Choi
Mary HK Choi (#1,469)

Sapphires are beautiful. I would never have considered one for an engagement ring but I am definitely not mad at it. That said, what's the setting? Because sapphire plus good setting is a dynamite ring. Sapphire curveball plus unorthodox setting is a little nutso.

ContainsHotLiquid

Silver art deco band. Unobtrusive, interesting if you look at it closely.

The whole thing is from the '30s.

mathnet
mathnet (#27)

LOVE. IT.

Mary HK Choi
Mary HK Choi (#1,469)

YES! ME TOO. YOU WIN. BIG. WOW. YUM. ALSO, JEALOUS.

ContainsHotLiquid

Ah. Good. Seriously, that is good to hear.

Now if only I could get my hands to stop sweating...

Bittersweet
Bittersweet (#765)

That sounds awesome, CHL! I have a sapphire anniversary ring and I *lurv* it.

Merde merde merde...we're all rooting for you here in Awl-land...

Natasha Vargas-Cooper

you guys. I own this:

http://store.americanapparel.net/rsaqp500.html?cid=49
IS THIS A PROBLEM!? (I thought it was, like, an ironic diaper bag???)

mathnet
mathnet (#27)

Is it problematic? I hadn't noticed.

brad
brad (#1,678)

i would hope that, at this point, you felt comfortable knowing her well enough to know she would like it. plus, sapphire so much cooler than diamond.

congratulations.

Moff
Moff (#28)

The use of diamonds in engagement rings is actually a relatively recent tradition, largely the work of De Beers and the rest of the cartel over the last century or so. Princess Di's ring had a sapphire as a the center stone, and is a good example of the older style.

Moff
Moff (#28)

Oh, I'm only an hour late with that.

RocketSurgeon
RocketSurgeon (#1,632)

These all look like they're made from jackets scrounged at a Goodwill.

iplaudius
iplaudius (#1,066)

Crafty allusion-I am in love with you now.

WindowSeat
WindowSeat (#180)

That top bag is inspired by by late 80's couch. Does it have leg rests?

NinaHagen
NinaHagen (#131)

Remember Gear bags?

queensissy
queensissy (#1,783)

Or le Sportsac? These sure look like a sack o'something...

ejcsanfran
ejcsanfran (#489)

"More comfort - more value! From Jennifer Convertibles."

slinkimalinki
slinkimalinki (#182)

oh my. i really do trust that this is not one of those things that in a couple of years time we will all be "oh that was freaking adorable, i just didn't see it at the time because it was just so fashion foward". because that is freakin' revolting.

Choire Sicha

THAT IS MY WORST FEAR NOW!

HiredGoons
HiredGoons (#603)

this is why one shops vintage.

Cycle59
Cycle59 (#1,641)

Princess Diana...she had a sapphire stone in her engagement ring...so use that if there is any discussion...or use it as part and parcel of how wonderful she is and that diamonds will come as she pops out the little ones....something to look forward to.

slinkimalinki
slinkimalinki (#182)

oh yay. comparisons to dead bulemics.

ContainsHotLiquid

No it's okay - the GF is a dead bulimic, too.

HiredGoons
HiredGoons (#603)

I hope you spoke that aloud as you typed it, because that made my night.

David
David (#192)

I thought it was all about the statement making shoes now, and that the "status-bag" thing was over.

CaptainFantastic

I say there is no sense trying to keep up, unless you are being paid to do so.

atipofthehat
atipofthehat (#797)

For some reason I see Choire in a vintage Members Only jacket.

NinaHagen
NinaHagen (#131)

Like Lenny on Law & Order?

Choire Sicha

I'll cut a bitch.

CaptainFantastic

Are they made of vinyl, or is that more of a nylon? Either way, they don't look very durable. People who buy these may not care about durability though.

Mary HK Choi
Mary HK Choi (#1,469)

if you look closely at the seams it's that puffy jacket nylon. but really finely extruded fibers. I think it's thin enough that you could snag it. Random but I wonder what it smells like. Probably bouncy castle.

WindowSeat
WindowSeat (#180)

"Bouncy Castle" I am your slave forever.

Tuna Surprise
Tuna Surprise (#573)

The non-black bags are going to get that whole dirty-puffy-coat look (you know the one-think Mickey Rourke's jacket in the Wrestler) and people are still going to be dragging them around because of the f--ing Chanel logo on the side.

mathnet
mathnet (#27)

YOU CAN SEE THE FUTURE.

cranniem
cranniem (#1,762)

See, there *is* a way to write compellingly about fashion. And with humor! Hey Vogue/Glamour/etc. are you paying attention?

ContainsHotLiquid

An entertaining column for sure.

Moff
Moff (#28)

I had not heard about this upcoming Chanel line. What am I, in some kind of shell-like covering?

wiilliiaamm
wiilliiaamm (#225)

I dont see a problem--should be perfect for a Pabst six pack and a couple of dry sausages....and a juice box for the damn kid.

Abe Sauer
Abe Sauer (#148)

And a bologna sandwich.

Mindpowered
Mindpowered (#948)

"SomethingsomethingmignonmignonDIAMONDS"

Choi channeling Aristophanes?

TerseNursePornstein

"Apres Chanel il y a some poo"= Choi channeling Louis XV (1710-1774)

Abe Sauer
Abe Sauer (#148)

This is that guy who dresses like a teenage dungeons and dragons gay prince of darkness right? Why would anyone trust a guy who looks like that to do fashion? I don't understand. And these all look like that coat of my mom's that comes out the second it gets cold outside and doesn't come off until, like, May. So... FASHION! (????)

katiechasm
katiechasm (#163)

Karl Lagerfeld: One outfit, 70 iPods. I stopped trusting him a while ago.

valet of the dolls

HE CARRIES A FAN. EVERYWHERE.

HiredGoons
HiredGoons (#603)

I can't wait until these show up on Canal Street. They will be made of trash bags stuffed with pigeon feathers and held together with staples.

mathnet
mathnet (#27)

HAS SHE SAID YES YET? It's killing me. Hurry up and decide to spend your lives together and get back on the internet.

Tuna Surprise
Tuna Surprise (#573)

When did Awl get old-timey Gawker-y in the comments section? I know the cool kids have always been commenting over here but things seem to have picked up lately.
Is it that everyone is finally back from summer vacation? Was it adding Abe and Mary to the mix? Did you guys have a commentor meet-up without me and everyone became close friends? Because I would've brought lemon squares...

mathnet
mathnet (#27)

It's fun, huh? I think everything you named is part of it. No meetup that I know of, but I live in Pittsburgh, of course (not WITH THE COOL KIDS).

Totally Related: I'm trying really hard to like Number3. Is it a lost cause? Anybody into it? I left the remote in the kitchen.

garge
garge (#736)

I AM WAITING TOO, and hoping for an avatar of the ring. Somehow between the Lady Di, an infant migraine, and the chilly weather here I became incredibly sentimental.

jolie
jolie (#16)

I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO MAKES LEMON SQUARES IN THIS FAMILY. Back off, buster.

ContainsHotLiquid

Success!

Everything was perfect. She loves the ring.

mathnet
mathnet (#27)

WOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mindpowered
Mindpowered (#948)

Yeesss!!

Is this a first for The Awl?

karion
karion (#11)

This thread is worthless without pics of the ring.

Congrats, sir. I was waiting with bated, lemon-square breath.

ContainsHotLiquid

I agree. Damned if I know how to put pictures up here though.

Bittersweet
Bittersweet (#765)

Yay!!! Champagne and lemon squares for everyone!

garge
garge (#736)

Mazel tov!

ladycrumpet
ladycrumpet (#1,768)

Congrats! I only came upon this thread because of the god-awful bag - your question about the ring was far more interesting. Thanks for the update - best wishes to you and the lady!

Dave Bry
Dave Bry (#422)

Congratulations, ContainsHotLiquid! That was fun. Someone should read this thread as a toast at your wedding. (Hopefully, your fiance and her family will take the comparison to Princess Di as the compliment it was surely intended to be.)

slinkimalinki
slinkimalinki (#182)

congratulations!

Natasha Vargas-Cooper

OMG 'THE CRAFT' REFERENCE.

The true Balk.

gregorg
gregorg (#30)

whew, glad to see the engagement ring discussions. I was worried that 68 people gave a tinker's damn about that powder-headed Monaco minstrel.

Flashman
Flashman (#418)

Like it or not, we are all but pawns in Karl's great game.

Imogen Quest
Imogen Quest (#1,734)

Long-necked? Neither of those outfits admits the presence of a neck at all!

Santino
Santino (#1,764)

It's not it's not it's not leather and even though Karl can all and all with his fendi fratricide and you can you know but that's something

HonoriaGlossop
HonoriaGlossop (#1,247)

As somebody who has spent years writing for the jewelry industry, I can't applaud you more. You did your homework and at the same time freed yourself from the tyranny of the diamond... As Moff said, the diamond engagement ring is largely a DeBeers-begat custom, and one that's completely unnecessary. Not every woman wants a big ugly ring pop of a solitaire, and you've done good by checking with your girl beforehand. I know women who have requested pearls, emeralds, even so-called semiprecious stones for their rings; it's entirely a matter of taste. A good sapphire can be stunning, and paired with a deco setting? You can't go wrong. Nice job!

HonoriaGlossop
HonoriaGlossop (#1,247)

Ah, shit - the above was meant for ContainsHotLiquid... Logging in shifted me off the thread.

ContainsHotLiquid

Hey - thanks. That was my thinking as well. This whole experience has deceived me into thinking I have taste.

TerseNursePornstein

Mary, I think my other love, Ghesquière, did a turn for Moncler a few years back. Others, too. But I'm really calling in to say that these bags, like the sapphire engagement rings WASPs have always favored, are pure stealth wealth. Both groups enjoy pulling the polar fleece over Abe's eyes.

Mary HK Choi
Mary HK Choi (#1,469)

Did you see PFW balenciaga pictures? I love Ghesquière but I'm not in love with this. At all. Maybe kinda hate. It's all confusing.

TerseNursePornstein

Yah, right. But Spring 2010? Trust.

hazmathilda
hazmathilda (#839)

Personally I just want to crawl inside one of these and take a nap.

HiredGoons
HiredGoons (#603)

Goodnight folks!

TableNine
TableNine (#1,104)

Didn't everyone make fun of Michael J Fox for wearing those purses in Back to the Future?

Joe MacLeod
Joe MacLeod (#22)

These bags are not puffy, they are swelling toward swollen. Next time they will be all swolt-up and balloony. Get your money up.

Chanel Brown
Chanel Brown (#6,217)

CHANEL BAG 2010 PRICES HAVE GONE UP
Chanel has increased its chanel bag prices by around 20%.
The much-coveted cheap Chanel bags have always been an investment buy. With prices well over £1,000, for most of us chanel handbag is a buy now, wear for ever purchase rather than a seasonal indulgence - if we can afford one chanel outlet at all. But now we're going to have to save for even longer to buy one chanel purse.

Chanel Brown
Chanel Brown (#6,217)

Sophisticated Alexandra Burke flaunts her new Chanel handbag on mystery dinner date
By cheap chanel bag

Alexandra Burke recently revealed that Chanel taught her how to dress for her body shape and last night she

looked the picture of sophistication as she strolled out of the Chanel bag 2010.
The X Factor winner dined with a mystery man while showing off her new cream Chanel bag, which she colour

co-ordinated with Chanel purse for Topshop heels and a summery peach frock.
She may only be 21, but Miss Burke's musical success has allowed her to transform her Chanel outlet into

something quite spectacular.

Chanel Brown
Chanel Brown (#6,217)

Has chanel bag 2010's Popularity Been Its Downfall?
by cheap chanel bag
While there are few brands considered as iconically American as chanel - Tommy Hilfiger perhaps, Perry

Ellis, and the recently resuscitated Halston are a few of the chanel bag - there are also chanel handbag who seem to struggle with their sartorial identity as much as the brand famous for their logo-

printed bucket hat. That may sound cruel, but it's one of the things we'll forever associate with chanel

purse. And that's chanel outlet.

Chanel Brown
Chanel Brown (#6,217)

Jessica Alba wows at Chanel bag 2010
written by cheap chanel bag

Jessica Alba isn't someone we normally associate with chanel, but she has been pulling it out of the

style-chanel bag for the Paris Haute Couture shows this week. Yesterday Jess brought a white Chanel handbag . She expertly matched her cherry-red belt to her chanel

purse. We love the fact that she's there taking snaps of chanel outlet and her buddies on the front

row!

mychanel
mychanel (#6,414)

Manolos, Manbags Set to Outdo chanel Bag 2010 as Luxury Growth Driver
By cheap chanel bag

The next ‘It' bag may be a chanel bag.As some customers struggle to justify spending thousands of dollars

on Hermes Kelly or Chanel 2.55 bags,chanel handbag is set to become

a faster-growing luxury, according to estimates by Euromonitor International Plc.Having trailed chanel

outlet in the five years before and during the recession, sales of luxury chanel purse will rise 20

percent in the four years through 2013.

mychanel
mychanel (#6,414)

Kelly Brook heats things up with chanel bag
By cheap chanel bag

It may have been a scorching day for chanel bag 2010, but Kelly Brook raised the temperature even further in

LA for chanel yesterday.The model stepped out with a pair of knee-high leather shoes,and chanel handbag, laced to the knee.Defying the sunny weather,she teamed the Christian Louboutin boots with a

black and white sweater and classic Chanel purse.Warming things up: Kelly Brook wore knee-high Christian

Louboutin leather boots as she stalked around chanel outlet yesterday.

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