Karl Lagerfeld Extrudes Huge Puffy Chanel Bag O' Fug
It's September 30th, 2009 which, as you all know, is just three days shy of that life-altering moment we've all been waiting for: the release of the Cocoon by Chanel line. You know the one, it's got Lily "fake retiree" Allen in the campaign looking Audrey or Gabrielle or whatever gamine, doe-eyed/sloe-eyed, long-necked, 3/4 length everything, somethingsomethingmignonmignonDIAMONDS!
Cocoon, for those who remain completely ignorant of such very important, cataclysmic fashion tectonic plate shifts (Oh that? That's just a new STYLE HORIZON, no biggie), is not just a Hume Cronyn movie about oldies and aliens, it's also this one, hotly-anticipated series of bags and accessories. It's also totally confusingly uggo.
I love Karl. He is, as I've said many times before, my spirit animal. He is just LOUSY (the chockablock kind, not the bad kind) with talent/canny/l'esprit and I summon him (hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the north, I INVOKE THEE) when I have big decisions to make. That said, I am wicked bewildered at how plain these purses are. Especially the bucket-tote non-quilted ones (because, to be honest, as soon as they get HUMONGO, quilted and have a hilariously pedestrian function-I'm talking to you garment bag-they admittedly get a little cute).
Am I missing something? Are these like, eco-friendly or something? Is my really pretty purse inside the homely one just aching to shuck the fug and fly on out? I can't stand the rain either and these Missy Elliott circa Supa Dupa Fly jams are not shutting it down for me. I'm sorry, when did Chanel start taking cues from (BAAAAAAAAAAARF) Moncler? Deuce-deuce in your bubble goose. Not the gun kind, the poo kind. I am deeply sadface about this.
Another puff piece.
By golly gosh darn it, I've seen better-looking sofa pillows at Pier One.
Or alternatively, his outlet store at Cabazon was running low on inventory.
Duh it transforms into a sleeping bag.
That's a diaper bag – sorry Karl.
Or a gaping, puffy Freudian vagina stand-in. Engorged!
Is Karl's key demographic adult diaper-ish now? I know the incontinent ladies loved the Lacroix Pouf Skirt in it's heyday.
is that really lily allen? that's more photoshop than the mariah carey album cover if i do say so myself.
Mary, I love your posts. Also, this is totally how I felt about these Marc Jacobs bags: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_-6OFLxN8FL4/SOSlHvASuyI/AAAAAAAAA9A/QHk1PeVzppo/s320/Marc+by+Marc+Jacobs+Pretty+Puffer+Little+Tate+Tote,+168.jpg
and I think that Marc and Karl must be pulling a joke on us or something? I hate them.
It's perplexing. I mean, Marc's BEEN pulling wool cause he's a hardbody meanie but Karl? He of, "You can't take things for granted. You need a sword of Damocles hanging over a relationship"? There is insufficient fear here. He's going to lose us.
marc's is still less hideous.
Sofa-purse.
Off-topic, BUT
Since I am nervous about later, and you are people who know these things, I will ask:
I bought an engagement ring. It is not a diamond. It is a sapphire. Is this acceptable?
I think so. My friend's sister got a sapphire for her engagement ring and it looks awesome. Good luck.
Thanks, I am going to fucking need it.
OMG. WHAT! I mean yes, that is fine, but here is my question: did you not discuss this with your intended??? I understand the element of surprise is key but women know what they want and they are often happy to tell you!
I do think it'll be great, because, hey, it's exciting to be proposed to. But also, um, is it returnable??
She showed me some styles she had in mind, and though this is not one of them, it's close.
But still. Knowing nothing about it, I would not have considered sapphire engagement-type material. You know how particular people can be about these things.
Hopefully in a year's time I will be all "Hey honey I bought you a gift" and she will be like "WTF This is cotton this is not paper SEND IT BACK!". Etc.
i say so long as it's a stone that has some meaning to her, i.e. not your ex girlfriend's birth stone or something. happy proposing!
Okay, I think you are GOOD TO GO. My fingers and legs are crossed for you!
Choire: "I understand the element of surprise is key but women know what they want and they are often happy to tell you!"
What do you know about women!?!?!?
@cho…probably more than you do, CARBONATION BOY.
it would be acceptable to me, because diamonds are all like "blerk, is that a BLOOD DIAMOND?", but who knows about sapphires, they're probably more ethically sound.
Ah, I am assuaged. Thanks everyone!
I got around the blood diamond stigmata by buying a Canadian diamond. Little wee polar bear.
The better half and I are looking at Sapphire wedding rings.
Ehrm not always more ethically sound. Burma's a big exporter of sapphires (and other gemstones), and they tend to, you know, imprision democratically elected ladies and go to war against armies led by twin cigar-smoking 12 year olds.
Conclusion: Source your stones.
Sapphires are beautiful. I would never have considered one for an engagement ring but I am definitely not mad at it. That said, what's the setting? Because sapphire plus good setting is a dynamite ring. Sapphire curveball plus unorthodox setting is a little nutso.
Silver art deco band. Unobtrusive, interesting if you look at it closely.
The whole thing is from the '30s.
LOVE. IT.
YES! ME TOO. YOU WIN. BIG. WOW. YUM. ALSO, JEALOUS.
Ah. Good. Seriously, that is good to hear.
Now if only I could get my hands to stop sweating…
That sounds awesome, CHL! I have a sapphire anniversary ring and I *lurv* it.
Merde merde merde…we're all rooting for you here in Awl-land…
you guys. I own this:
http://store.americanapparel.net/rsaqp500.html?cid=49
IS THIS A PROBLEM!? (I thought it was, like, an ironic diaper bag???)
Is it problematic? I hadn't noticed.
i would hope that, at this point, you felt comfortable knowing her well enough to know she would like it. plus, sapphire so much cooler than diamond.
congratulations.
The use of diamonds in engagement rings is actually a relatively recent tradition, largely the work of De Beers and the rest of the cartel over the last century or so. Princess Di's ring had a sapphire as a the center stone, and is a good example of the older style.
Oh, I'm only an hour late with that.
Yes.
These all look like they're made from jackets scrounged at a Goodwill.
Crafty allusion—I am in love with you now.
That top bag is inspired by by late 80's couch. Does it have leg rests?
Remember Gear bags?
Or le Sportsac? These sure look like a sack o'something…
"More comfort – more value! From Jennifer Convertibles."
oh my. i really do trust that this is not one of those things that in a couple of years time we will all be "oh that was freaking adorable, i just didn't see it at the time because it was just so fashion foward". because that is freakin' revolting.
THAT IS MY WORST FEAR NOW!
this is why one shops vintage.
Princess Diana…she had a sapphire stone in her engagement ring…so use that if there is any discussion…or use it as part and parcel of how wonderful she is and that diamonds will come as she pops out the little ones….something to look forward to.
oh yay. comparisons to dead bulemics.
No it's okay – the GF is a dead bulimic, too.
I hope you spoke that aloud as you typed it, because that made my night.
I thought it was all about the statement making shoes now, and that the "status-bag" thing was over.
I say there is no sense trying to keep up, unless you are being paid to do so.
For some reason I see Choire in a vintage Members Only jacket.
Like Lenny on Law & Order?
I'll cut a bitch.
Are they made of vinyl, or is that more of a nylon? Either way, they don't look very durable. People who buy these may not care about durability though.
if you look closely at the seams it's that puffy jacket nylon. but really finely extruded fibers. I think it's thin enough that you could snag it. Random but I wonder what it smells like. Probably bouncy castle.
"Bouncy Castle" I am your slave forever.
The non-black bags are going to get that whole dirty-puffy-coat look (you know the one-think Mickey Rourke's jacket in the Wrestler) and people are still going to be dragging them around because of the f–ing Chanel logo on the side.
YOU CAN SEE THE FUTURE.
See, there *is* a way to write compellingly about fashion. And with humor! Hey Vogue/Glamour/etc. are you paying attention?
An entertaining column for sure.
I had not heard about this upcoming Chanel line. What am I, in some kind of shell-like covering?
I dont see a problem–should be perfect for a Pabst six pack and a couple of dry sausages….and a juice box for the damn kid.
And a bologna sandwich.
"SomethingsomethingmignonmignonDIAMONDS"
Choi channeling Aristophanes?
"Apres Chanel il y a some poo"= Choi channeling Louis XV (1710-1774)
This is that guy who dresses like a teenage dungeons and dragons gay prince of darkness right? Why would anyone trust a guy who looks like that to do fashion? I don't understand. And these all look like that coat of my mom's that comes out the second it gets cold outside and doesn't come off until, like, May. So… FASHION! (????)
Karl Lagerfeld: One outfit, 70 iPods. I stopped trusting him a while ago.
HE CARRIES A FAN. EVERYWHERE.
I can't wait until these show up on Canal Street. They will be made of trash bags stuffed with pigeon feathers and held together with staples.
HAS SHE SAID YES YET? It's killing me. Hurry up and decide to spend your lives together and get back on the internet.
When did Awl get old-timey Gawker-y in the comments section? I know the cool kids have always been commenting over here but things seem to have picked up lately.
Is it that everyone is finally back from summer vacation? Was it adding Abe and Mary to the mix? Did you guys have a commentor meet-up without me and everyone became close friends? Because I would've brought lemon squares…
It's fun, huh? I think everything you named is part of it. No meetup that I know of, but I live in Pittsburgh, of course (not WITH THE COOL KIDS).
Totally Related: I'm trying really hard to like Number3. Is it a lost cause? Anybody into it? I left the remote in the kitchen.
I AM WAITING TOO, and hoping for an avatar of the ring. Somehow between the Lady Di, an infant migraine, and the chilly weather here I became incredibly sentimental.
I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO MAKES LEMON SQUARES IN THIS FAMILY. Back off, buster.
Success!
Everything was perfect. She loves the ring.
WOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Yeesss!!
Is this a first for The Awl?
This thread is worthless without pics of the ring.
Congrats, sir. I was waiting with bated, lemon-square breath.
I agree. Damned if I know how to put pictures up here though.
Yay!!! Champagne and lemon squares for everyone!
Mazel tov!
Congrats! I only came upon this thread because of the god-awful bag – your question about the ring was far more interesting. Thanks for the update – best wishes to you and the lady!
Congratulations, ContainsHotLiquid! That was fun. Someone should read this thread as a toast at your wedding. (Hopefully, your fiance and her family will take the comparison to Princess Di as the compliment it was surely intended to be.)
congratulations!
OMG 'THE CRAFT' REFERENCE.
The true Balk.
whew, glad to see the engagement ring discussions. I was worried that 68 people gave a tinker's damn about that powder-headed Monaco minstrel.
Like it or not, we are all but pawns in Karl's great game.
Long-necked? Neither of those outfits admits the presence of a neck at all!
It's not it's not it's not leather and even though Karl can all and all with his fendi fratricide and you can you know but that's something
As somebody who has spent years writing for the jewelry industry, I can't applaud you more. You did your homework and at the same time freed yourself from the tyranny of the diamond… As Moff said, the diamond engagement ring is largely a DeBeers-begat custom, and one that's completely unnecessary. Not every woman wants a big ugly ring pop of a solitaire, and you've done good by checking with your girl beforehand. I know women who have requested pearls, emeralds, even so-called semiprecious stones for their rings; it's entirely a matter of taste. A good sapphire can be stunning, and paired with a deco setting? You can't go wrong. Nice job!
Ah, shit – the above was meant for ContainsHotLiquid… Logging in shifted me off the thread.
Hey – thanks. That was my thinking as well. This whole experience has deceived me into thinking I have taste.
Mary, I think my other love, Ghesquière, did a turn for Moncler a few years back. Others, too. But I'm really calling in to say that these bags, like the sapphire engagement rings WASPs have always favored, are pure stealth wealth. Both groups enjoy pulling the polar fleece over Abe's eyes.
Did you see PFW balenciaga pictures? I love Ghesquière but I'm not in love with this. At all. Maybe kinda hate. It's all confusing.
Yah, right. But Spring 2010? Trust.
Personally I just want to crawl inside one of these and take a nap.
Goodnight folks!
Didn't everyone make fun of Michael J Fox for wearing those purses in Back to the Future?
These bags are not puffy, they are swelling toward swollen. Next time they will be all swolt-up and balloony. Get your money up.