Jimmy Choo for H&M Is Basically Zara for Sluts
Why does anyone ever do capsule lines? Expensive clothes aren't just expensive because "you're paying for that little tag and brand recognition and that's it blablablalblablablalblabla." Granted, some of it is pure hype, like how Prada still mysteriously exists when it's boring and shoddily made and has basically been the Miu Miu that gives you Werther's Originals that are stuck together and smell funny FOR YEARS. *Yawn ripstop nylon baby backpacks*.
But sometimes you're paying for luxurious materials and nimble fucking fingers that can embroider charmeuse (if that wasn't the worst idea ever) and cobble d'Orsay pumps from tree bark IN THE DARK, so why bother trickling down and pretending that those louche-ass, über decadent Rodarte sisters for Target Go doesn't sound sad and that Jimmy Choo only works in life because it's trashy and a gazillion dollars and therefore totally hilarious.
Upscale whore is a fabulous look but it only works if you commit and are so ridiculous-sumptuous that it's Euro on that, Henry VIII-does-Miami tip. This line, however, is Bai Ling on day five of a meth bender at the industrial discotheque who's all craaaazy and wearing chinchilla in July who then gets suddenly lucid, and wants to discuss healthcare.
JC for H&M is all, "Hi I'm fugfunny, bejeweled, multicolor, fakesnakeskin, ankle, cowboy boots but I'm also this completely wearable, black, fake Diane Von Furstenberg, figure-flattering wrappy thing, and we're all egalitarianishly priced." SO INCORRECT. God, make it all stop. Also, the Google will make this post go right next to our wonderful bebe banner ads to make everyone's brain explode.
Fuck, I was just writing an identical post.
Every time I start one of her posts, I gayly hope/believe the byline is yours.
Can someone please translate into hetero male?
Seconded. I have not the slightest fucking clue what the third paragraph means.
Buying a $5 polyester baseball cap with a plasic snap closure at a flea market with the NY Yankees logo sewn on it is not the same thing as buying a NY Yankees Authentic Game Performance 59FIFTY On-Field Cap. It's just not.
Prada = Oakley.
Jimmy Choo = Jaguar.
Jaguar by Ford didn't work.
Also maybe, 2Exist by Hanes will never get you any tail. How's that?
I'm learning to speak both Mary HK Choi AND theDRA fluently. It's a beautiful time to be a commenter.
The third graf reads "Luxe and slutty is a hot look but requires delicate alchemy. Loosen your grip on either end and it's a short, slippery slope to Batshitville, home of such shining looninaries as [glorious fashion-impaired wingnut] Bai Ling." Basically, you do not want to be mayor of Batshitville – or even a councillor. (Something about the hours, I'm guessing.)
Although a brief tourist stop in Batshitville to survey the locals from a safe distance might be kind of entertaining.
Yeah and can someone translate the hetero guys' stuff into young bubbly female for my benefit too?
Truvia by Sweet'n Low is not a good concept.
How is this different than any XXXX for H&M? Like that scary ponytailed European prince of darkness guy who did H&M lines? That shit was terrible.. like vampire wear or something. And none of this shit ever fits normal people anyway. Want to know why Banana Republic is popular? Because people who have 33-34 waists and 44 jackets can get at least something there that fits sorta right. Not like at H&M where if I want a shirt that fits my chest I have to get a collar so big it hangs around my neck like Pam Anderson's vagina. Rant done.
Wow–all this time I thought this only affected the H&M women's fit. I feel less alone.
I LOVE that one of Kira's creditors is the Glendale Police Department. WTF.
Damnit. This is for Mary below.
Fwiw I think octomom's vag might be a better analogy. I also hate cheap clothing but sometimes when I need a retail fix it comes in handy. But then like cheap alcohol you wake up the next morning with something all over your new sweater. Except it's pills not puke.
his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy there's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti…
Octomom was artificially inseminated AND I believe C-sectioned for almost all her kids so…. But yeah, maybe should have gone with Joanna Angel. Anyway, shit is for skinny wastoids.
Totes. H&M's no kira plastinina. http://articles.latimes.com/2009/jan/03/business/fi-kpfashion3
I stand corrected Abe. Sometimes I forget about the mechanics of modern baby making.
Awesome.
It's funny. 'Cause it's true.
On the flip side, the HM quality goes hand in hand with the temporal nature of the hideous trends. You don't have to worry about the ankle boots being dragged out of chickie's closet when the ice thaws, they would have ripped a seam or lost a heel by then. Or maybe that is more of a Top Shop concept? I don't know, we don't have those here and, anyway, I an unqualified as I have had the same Prada pumps resoled 4 times and have thought they were fashiony all these years.
My wife tells me this is the appeal of H&M. Cheap knock-offs of todays fashion that will fall apart before they become unfashionable.
I'm wearing the same pair of Dickies I bought five years ago.
Yeah. BUT, I liked Anna Sui for Target, and I am broke, so.
I bought one of the botkier for Target bags and the gold stuff flaked off all over my clothes. I had to stop buying any of their "insert famous designer" for Target stuff because it's all so poorly made.
I usually steer clear of their bags in general, and ew, now I have hope my new dress won't fall apart/explode. Living on the edge…
Depends on the stuff…I am still wearing a brown suede Isaac Mizrahi for Target jacket and a blue/black Proenza for Target blazer I bought a few years ago and they're holding up well. Of course they're not really fashionable any more, but I'm middle-aged and don't give a crap.
Where can I buy jeans that fit? I'm seriously contemplating Beyonce's Dereon line.
I get my Elie Taharis from eBay.
Consignment shops. I troll, find the archetype straight leg dark wash denim that fit, and wear them for a year until the holes begin to form, start to panic, and begin the process again.
Nudie Jeans, I swear by them. Long legs, short legs, small waist, big waist, pear shaped, ,big ass, no ass. They're flattering, and the last, and they don't try to do shitty "washes" on them.
http://www.nudiejeans.com/start
Ugh, their website is shit. Just find a retailer and go to the store and try them on.
Nice, thanks. I'm also considering "Not Your Daughter's Jeans". Because I have a mom body despite not being a mom.
okay, not to be a total nerd, but if you describe what your figure is like, and what you want, I bet I can find you the right fit. Demin nerd alert.
that would be "denim" nerd.
I think we can ALL agree that Urban Outfitters sucks balls.
I hate malls. I hate stores in malls. I'm allergic to malls.
Bai Ling = Beta version of Lady Gaga.
yes, but zara always goes at the crotch, which adds extra sluttiness. conclusion: zara is zara for sluts.
I think we can all agree that pamela's vag swallowed the balls.
This is pretty much the most spot-on description of Cavalli ever.
it's like cavalli, zanotti, any piece of denim escada's ever put out…