If You Like CK One, You'll Love U-you. No, 'U.' Like The Letter?
Everybody drop everything and go to the Parfums de Coeur web site immediately because, yes, not only does this ish still exist (sorta like how I lost my mind when I found out Kaepa, those weird cheerleader shoes with the plastic triangles all over the upper, still exist), but it's great for a giggle during this dark time they call 2009. I mean, credit where it's due since they're kinda the OG ABS by Allen Schwartz-the Jew armed with a million sweatshops of color that can rip off a red carpet dress in less time than it takes you to find sugarless gum in your clutch after you very discreetly and without ruining your makeup or changing expression puke up the piece of cheese you ate in a moment of weakness before the Glam Squad arrived-but the names are just too open for derision and I'm in a mood for easy finger pointing. *Poooooint*.
Close your eyes to envision the low rent douche to whom Sean John Unforgivable is so attractive yet unattainable that a fragrance called "Bring It" had to be concocted. And while we're going there riddle me this: Why is the faux CK Be called "U-Two" and the CK One called "U-You"? What does it meeeeean?
Maybe you have to be wearing blue, mirrored, wraparound shades with a neon, neoprene, bungie around-the-neck dangle cord when you're reading the web site to cull The Message.
Also, and this is just weird, Marc Jacobs' Daisy is called "Prettiest!" With the exclamation! Which is so strange since whenever I scroll my mouse over any image of Marc Jacobs on the Internet, now that he's thin and happy, that is exactly what it says. Eerie.
If you like Glow by J.Lo, you'll love our Sweatin' To The Oldies!
If you like Luscious Pink by Mariah Carey, you'll love our Wet Vagina!
Rejected original names included:
"Fancy negro"
"Generique"
"Faggoté"
If I love cheerleaders that smell of Liz Claiborne, what else will I love and how can I get my wife to wear it with the Kaepas and cheer outfit I just ordered online?
CK ONE IS WHAT MY YOUTH SMELLED LIKE! Just an FYI.
Oh me too. Reminds me of Jenny Shimizu.
Mine smelled like (lowers voice to a whisper) Elizabeth Arden's "Sunflowers".
ooo, i loved that. i saved up from my part-time job to buy it.
*moves seat from Katie*
I'm sorry, guys who wear Drakkar Noir still are kinda hot. They're all like, fuck you, I'm gonna smell like 1989, WHAT?
Totally. And Obsessionnnnn.
ha, first read that as "mouth"
mine smelled like Kouros, which means I'm old, but at least not Aramis or Polo Old.
How many millions of text messages do I need to read before Mary HK Choi's prose becomes something readable rather than the spurted mutterings of cheer leading meth head?
Not millions. Just 1337.
I prefer to think of you as sitting in a big pink room appliqued with "Hello Kitty" wallpaper, taking a bubble bath whilst eating junk food and talking on a Princess Phone.
Pshaaaw. Landline? *chewing*
me0w!
You're just mad cause she didn't GAP DREAM a shout out.
TEAM HEAVEN. Also, who the hell wore GRASS?
I wore grass, you asshole.
SPRING 2010: Bring It, body odor x 25= grade 5 classroom after recess. Oh the memories.
Those Kaepas look like orthopedic shoes. Match 'em to your walker and inflatable donut cushion.
I remember them having special grooves for strong men's fingers!
I have it on good authority that "body spray," when used properly, can only be administered to the abs.
And only in the amount of a whisper.
Oh no, repressed memories of 7th grade when all the cool kids were spraying themselves silly with CK One and I got U-you in order to make myself feel better, but then I was paranoid that someone would be able to discern the difference, and pick up on the fact that I was wearing designer impostor so I never wore it.
so uh, thanks for that?
I was always really annoyed at the horrible teevee commercials for this crap when the lady said "parfooomz" de coeur. I mean, if you're gonna bother with the French, can you at least try to pronounce it at least a little close to right?
Yes, I am a pedant. And an Old.
I wore Dream but sometimes I would mix it up with Grass. WUT. I bought it for my BF (because it was unisex) to cover the smell of that other grass, if you know what I mean, and I think you do, but it gave him an allergy attack.
Did anyone wear Exclamation!?