Everybody drop everything and go to the Parfums de Coeur web site immediately because, yes, not only does this ish still exist (sorta like how I lost my mind when I found out Kaepa, those weird cheerleader shoes with the plastic triangles all over the upper, still exist), but it’s great for a giggle during this dark time they call 2009. I mean, credit where it’s due since they’re kinda the OG ABS by Allen Schwartz-the Jew armed with a million sweatshops of color that can rip off a red carpet dress in less time than it takes you to find sugarless gum in your clutch after you very discreetly and without ruining your makeup or changing expression puke up the piece of cheese you ate in a moment of weakness before the Glam Squad arrived-but the names are just too open for derision and I’m in a mood for easy finger pointing. *Poooooint*.
Close your eyes to envision the low rent douche to whom Sean John Unforgivable is so attractive yet unattainable that a fragrance called “Bring It” had to be concocted. And while we’re going there riddle me this: Why is the faux CK Be called “U-Two” and the CK One called “U-You”? What does it meeeeean?
Maybe you have to be wearing blue, mirrored, wraparound shades with a neon, neoprene, bungie around-the-neck dangle cord when you’re reading the web site to cull The Message.
Also, and this is just weird, Marc Jacobs’ Daisy is called “Prettiest!” With the exclamation! Which is so strange since whenever I scroll my mouse over any image of Marc Jacobs on the Internet, now that he’s thin and happy, that is exactly what it says. Eerie.