Did you see the video yesterday of Calvino Inman, the Tennessean teenager afflicted with mysterious and disturbing condition of bleeding eyes? Doctors are stumped. Calvino's mother is distraught. This won't help, because I'm not a doctor (or even a very good person), but here are some thoughts.

1) It could be drugs. Wu-Tang Clan rapper Raekwon apparently used to experience a similar condition under the influence of crack cocaine and marijuana. "No question I would speed for cracks and weed," said Rae (who is also not a doctor, but rather a chef) on the 1993 classic "C.R.E.A.M." "The combination made my eyes bleed." Also: judging from recently released material like "New Wu," and "10 Bricks," Rae's upcoming, long-awaited Only Built 4 Cuban Linx 2, is shaping up to be way, way better than most of us would have imagined.

2) Calivino is a horned lizard. Usually found in the desert of the southwest (and also known by the giggles-inducing name of "horny toad") horned lizards shoot blood out of their eyes as defense mechanism against predators like coyotes. (A phenomenon definitely worth seeing, below.)

3) Stop watching Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami.