As we head into the weekend, I'd like to extend a very special thanks to all of you who read The Awl on a regular basis. I'm not trying to get sentimental or anything here, but this-hard though it sometimes may be to believe-is actually a burgeoning small business (emphasis on "small," appropriate laughter on "business"), and we are indeed most appreciative of your continuing custom, not just for the helpful tips and thoughtful comments you provide, but also for your valuable demographic information. And while we're on that subject, I have a brief question that may help us plan our post schedule on Monday. It's rather delicate, in that I don't want it to look like we privilege one group over the other, but let's just put it this way: How many of you are planning on, say, not eating that day? And for those of you who will, for whatever reasons, not be eating, will you also be refraining from the Internet? We're just curious is all. Anyway, no matter what your dietary restrictions, have yourselves a wonderful weekend and, yes, thanks for being on the deck of this gay pirate vessel. I love each and every one of you, and I'm sure Choire feels the same. (Cho, on the other hand, thinks you're all dicks.) S'hana! Or however they say it. See ya Monday.
Friday, September 25, 2009
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< Jew
< Can't stop eating, no matter what God ordains
I'm hardly observant however, I'm sure I will be eating. I am having a Yom Kippur eve dinner party though, mostly as an excuse to make my mother's reciope for Matzoh Ball Soup.
"I'm not trying to get sentimental" = Balk post.
In re: Monday. I will be having the full English breakfast, but I won't say "Yum! Kippers!"
dear god, tippy, that was awesappalling.
< Cheeseburger-, lobster-, bacon-eating goyim.
...And I just proved it by using the plural. D'oh!
L'Shanah Tovah Tikatevu...
<Eating!
(also Interneting.)
Dicks, all of you.
Well, I know I am at least.
not me, sweetie. i'm a cunt.
Heading out to store for treyf in a few.
I'm a shiksa, but I'm good at skipping meals for fashion purposes. Can I win something? Perhaps a picture of that poor, neglected Awl Office Pile Of Sweaters?? Srsly, piratefags, you've heard that rule of writing that if you're gonna introduce a gun in the first act, you better use it by the end? IT'S THE SAME THING WITH PILES OF SWEATERS.
i'm pretty sure the pile of sweaters slunk away after being beaten by the pile of cigarette butts in a territorial battle witnessed only by the flies.
I love you too.
Cho, how can you not be moved by this?
EVERYONE HERE IS A DICK.
Not a Jew but I have a Jewish sounding last name so when I say I won't be working on Monday people assume it is for something other than a Wire marathon.
God bless you. (Yahweh?)
My name is Abram Sauer. I have not been Jewish for... ever. And while I lived in New York my name, + employment laws disallowing questions about religion, got me... far, including a position at a high end Jewish nonprofit where people INSISTED my German grandparents hid my Judaism to protect me and which job included an anecdote with an organization Board member named "Kissinger" which hinges on him calling me a "punk." Shellfish breakfast!
You could have told them you were Amish.
Hey, I didn;t tell them... I just didn;t tell them they were wrong. Also, Amish: This gets you NOWHERE in New York.
Of all your wonderful stories, this may be my favorite.
One of my best moments at work to date (at an EXTREMELY Jewish law firm, natch) was the time a partner asked me if I was going to a family Seder that night and then quickly cut herself off and said, "assuming you're Jewish" and then stumbled and said, "not that I could ask you that" and continued to say "it's not that I need to know, it's just that...uh..uh..". The whole time she looked desperate for me to throw her the 'It's okay, I [am]/[am not] Jewish' lifeline but I just stood there and smiled.
Are y'all saying that it would be agint the law for the Awl to just come out and ask its readership who among them are of the Jewish persuasion?
I thought you were chinee.
Yi dian ye mei yo. Wo quan bu shi da bi ze.
goy girl
I'm not Jewish, but it's the end of the month, so. . .
(Love you, too!)
I still believe in God, but God no longer believes in me.
Oh honey! I'm so sorry. I'd eat enjoy all my favorite delicacies on Monday if I were you - show god you believe in yourself...through gluttonous blasphemy.
I was cast as a Jew in a play once. So maybe Monday I'll google search myself (on the internet!) and see if that comes up. I hope this helps.
Also: "but also for your valuable demographic information" warmed my heart. I love your socioeconomic stats too, Balk.
I'm not Jewish, exactly, but I still won't be eating on Monday. (Mondays make you fat.)
Non-Jew - but my husband is. He will fast, but will most definitely still be online all day.
Hmm. The worst of all worlds--cranky browser.
Hmmm...in the spirit of Rosh Hashana why don't you have Dave Bry post a big fat apology and we can all add our own atonements in the comments.
SUBSCRIBE
Ooh, and if we all get it in before G-d seals the book at sundown our shit is TIGHT for a year. To which I say: ruff.
@mathnet: Only olds will get this. [sad trombone]
Hmmmm so now it's possible to get love AND salvation from the awl?
Only 1/16 Jew, super-non-observant.
Also am a non-Jew, but wife and childs are Jewish. I'm sure there will be plenty of eating and Interneting all day long.
Are you angling to be taken out for lunch on Monday, at readers' expense, on the theory that you won't be missed by Internet-fasters?
I think he's angling for an 18 hour nap. ME TOO.
We're in for a full- fledged outbreak of 1/2CHOS1N1, Awl kids.
Non. Will be working, eating, and hitting refresh. Since it's a writing day on Monday, I'll need to hit refresh even more frequently for purposes of procrastination. You've been warned.
I'll just reread all of today's posts aloud in bad Mel Gibson (sorry, Mel Brooks) voice.
My friend saw Mel Gibson run out of the WV Italian restaurant she was eating in, said he seemed panicky. Must've realized the Jews were gathering.
I rep the underemployed hooker demographic. Yeah!
You work for ACORN?
Not those hussies.
Jew. Not working, not eating, but still internetting. Priorities!
Non-fasting non-observant wrong-side half-Jew (with an embarassing schoolgirl crush on the Awl, SERIOUSLY I HEART YOU GUYS SO MUCH), will be spending Monday actively bringing shame to my deceased Jewish grandmother, somehow.
Have you considered... anal? Oh but there's so many other ways, don't get caught up in working out the details.
You know, anal isn't only for gay folks anymore.
And it's not just for virgins either.
same, same, same, same, but my jewish gramma is still alive and shaming openly...
otherwise, i'm having taco night with the girls on monday, so that was bad planning! sheesh that came out way different than i meant for it to!
We call it 'taco night with the girls' too. Huh.
Same same same same... same!
And were I not going to be on vacay (in Me-hee-coe!) all week, I'd be refreshing this shit like a motherfucker.
(I'll feel guilty for not, promise!)
I will definitely be eating Monday, which is not to say I should be, but I will be. Also, I don't know what it is but I'm not feeling the love. Sorry. I like the Awl and all, but I think things might be moving a little too fast.
Hey, I hear you man, text me next week, maybe we'll hang out, whatevs, no pressure.
The Awl didn't mean to touch your ass. It was an accident. It was reaching for something and didn't notice you standing there.
Is this some reference to Judaism I don't understand?
I'll be here, and fed.
No one told me Ash Wednesday fell on a September Monday this year!
Cho.
Choi.
Choire.
Cholent.
Goyishe semitophile.
I love each and every both of you. Okay, Cho too. I will not be interneting on Monday because of travel. I will be snacking and dining and otherwise not observing the Daddy bloodline.
You want to know if I'm Jewish? What are you, Balk? My first boyfriend's mother?
Also, not only will I eat on "that day", but I'll eat bacon. And then post a picture of it on my blog. Because my religion is Orthodox Tumblr Asshole. See you on the internet, jerks!
I knew it! I knew Balk loved me!
Oh yeah, I love y'all too, even if you did re-write some of my material yesterday. I don't hold grudges.
Oh you had it coming. HOWEVER I welcome you, and I am pleased you are here. Hugs?
XOXO
all else aside, if y'all want the day off, then you should go ahead and take it. i'll be so caught up my boss will think i was here all weekend.
Not only is The Great Awlness the first of hundreds of feeds clicked on whenever I open Google Reader, it is the only one that receives click-throughs to the site to read the comments.
I was going to ask how you fermented and distilled the best of years of Gawker commenters into this lush, vibrant syrup of chaotic mindfuck, but, you know, ChoireBalkApocalypseForever.
Is this the kind of ass-kissing you were looking for? Glad to oblige.
i'm thinking of naming my new kittens balk and choire. beat that!
And your pet rat Cho? That dick!
nah, i'm naming the kitty litter cho.
Everybody gets a star.
I worship nothing but pop culture and junk food. And I will indulge in both on Monday.
Shiksa, of the Italohibernian variety. Can you guess what I was raised? (I did have a man point and scream "Jewess!" at me in the street in DC once though.)
Half on the wrong side, so I'll be fasting but at work and on the internet, since that seems like the most messed-up thing to do.
And thanks.
not a jew. try not to plan that far ahead. if i make it to monday i expect to eat,drink and be merry.
Please forgive me even though I'm not a Jew.
On Monday I will be refreshing and will refresh often.
I shall be at work, eating pork sandwiches.
Not religious. No plans. Just another Monday.
<---Jewess. Not eating. But will be on the web.
But guys, take the day off if ya want. It's a High Holiday after all.
FIRST!
Are you doing that European thing, where the first comment isn't called 'first', but the 'ground' comment, and then the second time you comment you say 'first'? Here in the US we find that very confusing.
That sounds almost exactly like calvinball.
As a super nonobservant Jew, I intend to wonder what's so damn special about Monday while walking into a lamppost.
Functionally Jewish: There will be children home from school Monday (yes, that old), so it is, like, an enforced holiday. Also, it is atonement for procreating. And being a shitty parent.
Also, I only love Cho because I know he'll never love me back. That way I get my pain right up front and spare myself the horrible feeling that when my beloved finds out what I'm really like and dumps my ass I will be left to wallow in a pool of self-recrimination. Why do you ask, doctor?
Broke and fat, so no, not planning on eating. In reality?
Bacon Cheeseburger, bitches. For breakfast. Which I will use to drown my shame over the first two stated conditions.
I eat everyday, except no meat on Fridays.
I'm not Jewish, I do love Jews, but I fully expect them to work on non-Christian holidays. I'm not Christian either, but my background leans that way so I enjoy those days off. Everyone can have Christian holidays off. Just not the Other days.
I have not the slightest idea why one would even remotely consider refraining from foods or internets on Monday, or any other day for that matter.
I will try to Cho, Cho, Choke something down.
I'll be doing my part to stimulate the economy by overeating to compensate for the fasters, and cruising the web so fast my fingers bleed. We militant atheists have to stand by our values.
Is this the gaytheist chatroom?
Monotheism kills. Don't trust any god that has been around only 3,000 years.
um, i believe misplaced blame is going on there jp
intolerance kills. vigilante-ism kills. psychosis kills.
blaming theists - mono or otherwise - is exaggeration imhho. many theists would not hurt a flea. many have vowed to lay down their life for another. please stop slamming folks who believe something sacred/supernatural. thank you.
Risen Lord Jesus' Peace!
e.t./sue > *:D (: +
That's so funny, my dad asked me the same thing.
I will say to you what I could not say to him: fuck that shit.
No disrespect to the fasters or anything. Just, for me, personally, I say fuck that shit.
Hit me up again come Lent. I think I'm not supposed to eat meat or something. Or is that every Friday? Lapsed Catholic, obvs. I will be here if you are but I will certainly not begrudge The Awl if it goes on Holiday.
it's actually pretty mellow: officially no meat and only one big meal & two smaller ones on Ash Wednesday & Good Friday and no meat on the (6?)Fridays of Lent in between, but traditionally Friday has been a meatless day all year. I don't know how much sacrifice eating fish instead really is since so many fish frys or fish bakes are not that cheap although proceeds often go to worthy causes. Vegetarian is good. I know some folks who do bread and water several days a week like M, W, F - I have done that in the past. I think fasting is helpful in some ways. I have also discovered between jobs that I like the dollar menu burger as much if not more than the more expensive/regular burger. I believe the idea is to 'crucify the flesh' more and exercise one's spiritual side by doing without some pleasure now and then for a purpose. discipline. self control. amen? practice makes perfect... ask any guitarist about finger callouses... use em or lose em... right DRA?
Risen Lord Jesus' Peace!
e.t./sue > *:D (: +
First ever 100-comment+ Awl post with no Tweets?
Are you trying to turn Yom Kippur into a Labor-Day-style 3-day-weekend-enabling holiday so you can do less work? I like it, Balk.
I am nearly four decades on this earth and had no idea that I could get a Candy Torah. How awesome is that?
I will be having bacon and eggs on Monday morning to eat as I read the NYT on my laptop. Yummy!
Sheygetz (admittedly of partially Jewish extraction). Taking Monday off to take my son to the natural history museum, lest I be the only one in the office.
Not eating, may check internets...
mmmmmm.....bacon and The Awl. Mondays aren't so bad!
Shouldn't--and wouldn't normally--be eating, but am in Seoul attending extremely non-observant brother's wedding to shiksa.
Any recs from Cho/Mary? (I assume it's OK to ask self-identified Korean-Americans for Korean-related tidbits, though for all I know neither of you have ever been here.)
Cho! Get in here and be servicey!
Hm... There's a really famous bbq place called WooLaeOak, that actually has a branch in SoHo that's a horrible representation of the brand, that's very very good.
If you go to the mall Shinsegae, there's a basement street food section with really good food.
Right between Chungdamdong and Abkujungdong there's a buckwheat noodle place called Hamheung Nengmyun that's also very good.
If there's any specific type of food you're looking for as well, let me know and I'm sure we can work something out for you!
Where are the good cheeseburgers?
I'm a fan of Craze Burger, but the Lotte Burgers are pretty good too.
Cho thinks we're all dicks, how trustworthy are his recommendations ?!
No "Fuckin' Jews" tag?
Is that a request?
I'm here, but my people are Waspy McWaspersons from Waspton-on-wasp, Surrey and Waspinburgh, North Highlands.
In other words, no fasting.
Oh heeey, sorry, I was at a Catholic wedding all weekend renouncing my religion. I'm not eating, but I'm also not refraining from the Internet.
It's always good to know how many Jews you have.
Oi vey. I was also at a Catholic wedding this weekend. You never feel your horns like you do when you're sitting in a church.
um, ima catholic who dated a jewish/christian guy who may have been caught somewhere in between the two or not (mom jewish, refuses involvement unless he practices or feigns to, dad Christian not sure if he attends church regularly or not...they're divorced, she remarried, but widowed now). anyway, he and i went to church and shul/synagogue. i appreciated both. i feel christianity and judaism are linked anyway and i understand how those who don't think so feel. i didn't know about the abuse of Jews on Good Friday in Europe (& elsewhere?) before, but it is mentioned in Pope John Paul II's book (i forget which one now) where he mentions his boyhood friend Jerzy Kluger (i hope i spelled that right) anyway i was very unfamiliar with actual Shabbat services, but a rabbi and a priest around here have been doing some interfaith things like going to the Holocaust Museum and visiting Israel with members of their congregations, pulpit exchanges, a world premier of an oratorio about the holocaust, I believe a Dave Brubeck concert kicked things off years ago... very blessed and enriching. united we stand...
Risen Lord Jesus' Peace!
e.t./sue > *:D (: +
Had the "lumberjack" this morning at my local diner and will no doubt enjoy a cheeseburger and fries for lunch today.
I'm Irish. We're always starving.
lol
'cept on March 17th...?
Risen Lord Jesus' Peace!
e.t./sue > *:D (: +
Just got out of car from drive back from weekend and spare icky Eggamuffin which I didn't eat b/c I didn't want to wake up the dog is in my bag, and I will happily not eat it if I am not supposed to be on the Internet.
sorry what is going on monday that encourages/requires fasting? i checked the web and i'm not seeing it/getting it. i know. ignoramus living in a fishbowl cave or whatever...
Risen Lord Jesus' Peace!
e.t./sue > *:D (: +