Tuesday, September 15th, 2009
28

Jessica Simpson's Lost Dog

Roadrunner/Whatcha gonna do/Roadrunner/Coyote's after youIn a certifiably tragic event, Jessica Simpson's dog was abducted by a prairie jackal. "My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes," she writes. "HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!" So the comment below this picture which reads "I have spotted the dog in a box marked 'ACME' being chased by a Roadrunner," is at best unhelpful and at worst inaccurate: The roadrunner never chased the coyote, it was the other way around. For shame, people.

28 Comments / Post A Comment

mathnet (#27)

Accurate ad. She looks exactly like Carmel.

HiredGoons (#603)

Please let it be the Symbionese Liberation Army.

sigerson (#179)

as the proud owner of a "cava-poo" I snear and look down my nose at all "malti-poos".

I am not gay.

karion (#11)

I see your cava-poo and raise you a cava-chon.

slinkimalinki (#182)

you lose by not having a "poo" in your dog's name.

katiebakes (#32)

Aw, look at the email address. That's clever! Poor Jess. First Tony Romo starts dating Chace Crawford's cheesy younger sister, then Bill Simmons calls her "zaftig", and now this.

How many Awl readers know who Bill Simmons is? (Genuine question–I'm curious.)

Nope. But I do often say "zaftig" and "carcass."

Some of us Awl readers like sports just as much as we like being whiny, sarcastic elitists! And BS writes a column aimed at whiny, sarcastic sports elitists!

He could write an amazing AwlSPORTZ column were it not for his buckets of money and the fact that the portion of the Venn diagram that blends Awl lovers and Bill Simmons enthusiasts is probably pretty narrow. Though DRA is doing a great job in spite of a relatively comparable situation.

Matt (#26)

Stop posting pictures of Lady Gaga at the VMAs already.

OMG, that is [was] one cute little schmoopsy whoopsy.

shaunr (#726)

"Daisy's remains were identified from the blocked anal glands she used to drag across the terrace".

WindowSeat (#180)

Daisy was so admired by the coyotes that they spirited her away to join their pack.

HiredGoons (#603)

…and that is how the sky was born.

WindowSeat (#180)

… and the Sky took pity on Jessica's tears, transforming them into shiny green leaves, her fingers and arms into delicate, trailing branches and her lumpy, misshapen ass into a gnarled trunk. This is the story og the Weeping Willow.

HiredGoons (#603)

there be junk in that trunk.

garge (#736)

My childhood suburban neighborhood outside of Cleveland had a coyote problem. One found my sister's rabbit Plush (named after that year's Grammy winning song) in her outdoor hutch, and decorated my mother's garden with her lops pelt.

HiredGoons (#603)

we had half coyote/half dogs (coydogs) in Vermont growing up and they also ate m'rabbits.

mothra (#1,634)

Daisy recently attended the VMA Awards with Perez Hilton.

"Carmel"? Just the sort of bullshit I've come to expect from Jessy-wessy. But I imagine she couldn't spell "car-muhl."

Wait, forget everything else, is she expecting the coyote to return her dog?!

slinkimalinki (#182)

only if the reward is high enough.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

I can't take this today. Not so soon after Swayze.

EvilMonkey (#1,063)

In other news, that poor starving coyote family down the block is throwing a dinner party! Who knew they were Korean?

missdelite (#625)

Two words: Chelada marinade.

Well played!

josh_speed (#97)

Not to hate on the currently-in-the-nadir-of-her-life Jessica Simpson, but people: her celebrity scent is called 'Fancy'.

As in: if you have to wear anything else other than Daisy Duke short-shorts, your corncob pipe and a red/white gingham shirt tied across your GINORMOUS F*CKING BREASTS, it's a night for Fancy[tm].

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