And how do you write, Saïd Sayrafiezadeh? "I straighten up the apartment while listening to Howard Stern. I need to feel as if everything is clean and in its proper place before I can even attempt to write one word. At least, that's what I tell myself. I make the bed, I put away the dishes, maybe I dust, maybe I do the laundry, maybe I go to the post office. I take pride in taking care of all the housework so that my wife, who works as a designer for Martha Stewart, won't need to sacrifice any of her leisure time when she gets home. Once I've completed every possible chore I brush and floss my teeth while watching an episode of 'Cops.' (My dentist has of late commented on how healthy my gums are.) Then I realize that it's 10:30 or 11 or 11:30 and I begin to panic. I sit down at the dining room table with my laptop determined to write, determined to resist watching a second episode of 'Cops,' or listening to more of Howard Stern, or looking at Facebook, or surfing the Internet for porn." My God, I would rather be a barista or a car assembly line worker or a homeless person than have his sort of writing craziness.
Friday, August 7, 2009
14
Sounds like my job, only without the dusting and Cops.
This is exactly why, as cliched as it may be, I write in Starbucks on a pad of paper. No TV. No interwebs machines.
This guy is treating writing like it's the elephant in the room no one wants to talk about. Just write, for the love of all that is good, and enough drama already!
Or: enough sharing already.
He probably can't help the drama, God bless him. But can't the children keep certain things to themselves anymore?
I thought this was just how academics wrote.
Plus, why can't we comment on the hot dog photo?
This is just the kind of item that makes me believe that we have enough stuff written down already.
I am kind of jealous of his pristene gums though.
Maybe I've never read much of Saïd Sayrafiezadeh.
I applaud him for revealing my secret shame. I, too, have the cleanest apartment in town.
I'm not afraid to admit that I can over-identify with this man. Although my cleaning involves a lot of alcohol as well.
Writing is thirsty work. Also, very little serious cleaning gets done without opening some bottles.
"Le mot juste haunts me. On a good day I will finally secrete the 500th word .."
Ew, and buck the fuck up. This guy sounds like a bloody spoilt teenager. He hangs around the house all day listening to Howard Stern and moans and bitches about "secreting" 500 words? That alone makes me think he's a terrible writer. Clichès like "le mot juste" - well, they must "haunt" him because he can't summon them. In other words, he's a "writer' because he's too lazy to get another job, it seems.
Howard Stern... Cops... Surfing the internet for porn...
God, this guy is an even bigger asshole than I thought he was after reading his sorry book about not having a skateboard growing up with a deranged Trotskyite mom.
Somehow, as fellow red diaper baby, I never caught the same cleaning bug -- as communists go, I'm more the sloppy type. Maybe because my family was in a slightly different Trotskyist faction?
(By the way, "When Skateboards Will Be Free" was pretty awesome, so whatever works for you, Mr. Sayrafiezadeh, keep at it!)