We recently got in touch with a popular recording artist who happens to be an admirer of The Awl. This musician expressed an interest in contributing to the site, and we're happy to announce that the result of our conversations is a regular column that should start up in the very near future. That's exciting enough, but there's a bonus! During the period where we were discussing potential topics for the series, our friend was struck by the muse, and entered a secret subterranean studio to record a theme song organized around the principles which underpin our project and the philosophies we hope to impart here every day. The result, "The Awl, The Song (Hair Metal Version)" is ready to be thrust upon a waiting world. We hope you enjoy it as much as we do. And keep an eye out for the column; it's going to change your life. [WARNING: There is a bad word in this track, so if you're listening at work, turn the volume down.]
I look forward to the "Early 90s Gangsta Rap" version of this soon-to-be classic.
I'm waiting for the ambient techno version. Then the electro-clash version. Then dixieland jazz version.
I'm looking forward to the Omaha-lo-fi garage version with the Wilco violins.
"WARNING: There is a bad word in this track"
Thank you, Parental Guidance Council. You've saved me from a lifetime of mental illness and the economic collapse of our employers.
(**goes back to listening to "The Chronic"**)
WELL, SOME PEOPLE STILL HAVE JOBS. (Somewhere.)
Summer Jobz? We're all in school, right? See you guys in homeroom.
I am too excited for this guy's column. Vulture told me who it was.
SCOOP.
Geddy Lee!
Now we'll get to see if he writes like a regular guy too!
Canada's favourite son.
This is as least as good as that "Combination Pizza Hut & Taco Bell" track that was floating around a few months ago, if not better.
This makes me want to eat Doritos.
Sounds like [the singer from AC/DC].
Bon Scott or Brian Johnson?
Dave Evans.
He doesn't count.
Take that back!
Just because he was there at the beginning doesn't count for shit. Is Stu Sutcliffe your favorite Beatle?
No Pete Best. Wanna make somthing of it fucknutz?
And I guess your fave Child of Destiny was Farrah?
You said her name, said her name.
Brian Johnson, who I'm pretty sure was the Thunderstruck guy.
It's evident that you must be smoking or sniffing something to get the essence of this cacophonous crap. Booze just doesn't do it.
Yes, and WHEN WILL WE GET THESE YOUNG PEOPLE OFF THE INTERNET.
that cacophonous racket they call music - noisy, loud, ear-splitting, raucous, discordant, dissonant, jarring, grating, inharmonious, unmelodious, unmusical, tuneless.
Postbusters!
Ryan Adams doing a Bon Scott falsetto?
It's either Celine Dion or Avril Lavigne. Which is cool, because I'm eager to hear what either of them have to say about things and stuff.
Excellent guess! I have a feeling you're correct!
God, the Brooklyn music scene is going down hill.
I'm halfway through listening to this, and it's FUCKING AWESOME!!
Just had to share that.
And I think it shows real artistic integrity that this singer didn't give in to the whole "autotune" trend. Keep it real, baby!
It's obviously John Darnielle.
yes! hahahaha.... The MountainAwls
While you're talking contributors? CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE SARAH PALIN OFF OF MY COCK PLEASE?
CANNOT WAIT for the Kelly Clarkson cover of this.
This is nice (cough) but why doesn't Balk just choose one of Choire's posts each day and have somebody guitar-strumming emo kid sing it?
Because we don't want to get (even more?) depressed and kill ourselves, that's why.
That would be truer if Choire chose one of Balk's rambling existential observations on the broken umbrella in the trash can as he is trying to hail a cab for the guitar-strumming emo kid to sing.
Oh yeah. Get depressed and kill ourselves. What was I thinking?
They are UPLIFTING!
I was thinking the delivery (emo kid) would be more depressing than the actual content (Choire's posts, usually awesomely uplifting). All those boys in skinny jeans and eyeliner make me fear for the race.
But seriously, who will sing Choire's e-mails to me? Will not Morrissey sing them to me in proto-emo quasi-psalm tone or recitative? Or the many-named tear-seeded offspring of Morrissey? Every day? I don't know. I want this to happen. How can it happen for me? I want Sufjan Stevens to put on angel wings and sing Choire's e-mails with random instruments in concert. Is this asking a lot?
So so good.
Very Cool. I am recording this on my cassette player and playing the next time I go roller skating.
How can I get it on my iPod?
Damn, Axel Rose isn't quite as brain-damaged as I thought.
This will also make a fine intro for the new TV show, which will kick the shit out of Entertainment Tonight. But will Balk do the Mario Lopez and Choire the chick or vice versa, and do I even have the right show?
BoHan, It's going to be more like TMZ where Balk, Choire and Cho sit around HQ and discuss what stories to run.
I just played it for the fourth time. It just gets better and better with every listen. It's amazing.
At 1.16 a play, that's only 5 minutes. Can you lock yourself in the DJ room and broadcast it on continuous loop. That would be amazing! (and derivative of The Buddy Holly Story)
I am playing it once daily and finding that is just the right amount of better and better. As long as this post remains accessible online.
I like my sites' theme song versions hairy. Like my men!
I like that it's from the album Awl Together Now.
How can you not rhyme "awl" with "bawlk"?
Y'all're just trying to make sure that "nerdshares" really never comes back, right?
Aww, I like that young lady!! She's fun.
Nerdshares posted a review of this song on her blog. She said it was "a little pitchy."
I think Nerdshares is kind of cute. All of that stuff was way too tl;dr for me though.
Ryan Adams as Werewolf? Liked it, anyway.
Sounds like an outtake from a dope/booze-laden 2:00 AMâ€"6:00 AM session in Studio E by a Berklee dropout. (I'm looking at you, John Mayer.)
Perhaps his first column can be a refresher on proper comma use.
Too interesting to be Mayer. I didn't want to put on some khakis. Or fall asleep.
This is more early 70s hard rock/first wave glam than hair metal.
And why is Jim Breuer impersonating Brian Johnson going to be writing you a column? That column will be AWFUL.
Give this man a column too!
You got Elmo!
Ahhhh!! I can't deal with how hard I'm smiling! Bear mash up now!
Soul Glo?
DJ Reggie up in this muhfucka!
The "flawless lyrical baritone" of Josh Groban??
Is it really Brian Johnson?
Another listen and there's no doubt it's RYAN. Love it!
Sheila take a bow?
aflac.
Just listened again. Laughed anew.
NOW I AM PUMPED FOR TODAY
Teddy Pendergrass?
Mandy Moore ???????
Oh, Ryan... I love you so...
Can't get enough of this. If the new columnist really is the lead singer of The Finger I will scream and then pass out.
omg i HOPE it's john darnielle.
I'm looking forward to nothing at awl