Pretty Girls Make Waitresses

How bad are things out there in these trying times? So bad that extremely attractive women are forced to toil in the food service industry! New York's Hugo Lindgren reports that where once the job of asking you how you'd like your steak prepared or whether you could be tempted into ordering some dessert was a task restricted to unsightly troglodytes whose displeasing appearance made them unsuitable for other work, our fragile economy has thrust those blessed with comely features into the previously disreputable caste of food porters.

It's true! These tragic victims of our shattered financial system are no longer able to rely on their exquisite visages and statuesque charms to provide them with jobs which involve standing next to overpriced merchandise and investing it with the allure of beauty (and the implicitly whispered potential of a suckjob from a pretty girl); no, now even fancy European strippers must check to see whether you'd like still or sparkling water for the table.

When will this injustice end? Lindgren assures us that the recession was even more fleeting that beauty itself, and that soon enough these unfortunate knockouts will be once again objectifying themselves in portfolios more appropriate to their allure, but until the haggard and wart-ridden old crones one would see slinging hash back during the boom return to their natural place in the pecking order, spare a thought for that charming young thing who just brought you another martini: She's as much a casualty of our irresponsible financial risk-taking as the rest of us. Maybe even more so, because she is super hot.