Friday, August 28th, 2009

My Summer Of Death

I have held my tongue thus far, but a man can only stand silent for so long while others pillage the fruits of his labor for their own ends without offering proper testament to his genius. It was I, Alex Balk, who first used the term "Summer of Death" to refer to this tragic season. It happened right here, at the beginning of July, and in the weeks that followed I have been forced to endure the agony of seeing my creation tossed willy-nilly about the Internet without a nod in the direction of my brilliance. (Those stealy bastards at New York actually suggested that they had trademarked the thing.) It may seem a small point, a minor question of phrasing so obvious in and of itself that it had already been used in another context, but no: "Summer of Death," when uttered to encompass the spate of celebrity passings that marked the grim dog days of 2009, is utterly an invention of MINE, and I demand to be festooned with all the accolades such virtuosity merits. Preferably in book deal form. Thank you.

35 Comments / Post A Comment

NicFit (#616)


WindowSeat (#180)

Give me an hour to drop by Festoons'N'Things.

HiredGoons (#603)

Balk, I want you to read my new screenplay '500 Days of Summer of Death.'

Naturally, you will not be receiving credit.

MaryMary (#1,447)

I distinctly remember. I give you credit.

brianvan (#149)

Why, we're just around the corner from "Autumn of Death".

HiredGoons (#603)

'The Fall from Grace'

propertius (#361)

I'm predicting death will be suspended this autumn, but there will still be discontent in winter.

I am not completely familiar with your ouuuuueeevre.

How patronizing!

Go ahead and take a stand with your bad self, Balk. Maybe you'll start a movement. Maybe we should all draw a line in teh sand over our best lines. If every NYC-based blogger had a nickel for bon mots stolen by print media, we'd be swimming in top shelf bourbon.

Now excuse me while I pour myself a drinkie-poo.

bshep (#746)

It's like you're the Alfred Russel Wallace of the Summer of Death.

GiovanniGF (#224)

I'm calling dibs on Summer of Beth and Summer of Meth.

Bittersweet (#765)

Summer of MacBeth?

HiredGoons (#603)

Dear Cindy Adams,

When I can easily picture what you would look like bald, you have made a poor choice in hairstyle. Please take note.



propertius (#361)

Maybe she is bald …

HiredGoons (#603)

well then she should at least purchase a better wig!

Flashman (#418)

I'm reminded of that Simpsons episode where Homer gets Snake's hair.

Matt (#26)

Can 'I Just Wanna Get Along' be the official theme song of the Summer of Death?

karion (#11)

Merely descriptive.

Kataphraktos (#226)

Dear Alex, you are a blogger, your pockets were made to be picked, whether they yield buckets o' gold or bits o' lint.

Do something about it.

I've been listening to a lot of Public Enemy and Oran "Juice" Jones the past few months, so it's been more like the Summer of Def.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

I've been watching lots of premiership football matches on the tv, so it's been my Summer of Ref.

Bittersweet (#765)

I've been forgetting lots of things, so it's been my Summer of Lethe.

ecgroom (#570)

I nod (or bow) towards the brilliance that is Balk. And while I'm at it – thumbs up to Choire.

I kneel before the brilliance that is Alex Balk.

hazmathilda (#839)

But are you kneeling for blowjob purposes?

(I have to know. It's for a project.)

To offer proper testament to his genius. Also, fruit pillaging.

The Academy of Death & Sciences is pleased to award Alex Balk with this honorary Stiffie!

Rod T (#33)

Actually? 1891 called. It has some issues with your claim:

(The term actually was in my mind when I was in the E.R. earlier this week. Thank Maude I lived so as not to be overshadowed by Kennedy.)

Alex Balk (#4)

No, I'm claiming it specifically for 2009. 1891 can bite me.

Hez (#147)

While we're at it, Internet, Tyler Coates also deserves credit for "funemployment"!

Can we beat up the coiner of staycation?

gregorg (#30)

Maybe Cindy's offering herself, "Nooo! Take meee!" to bring the celebrity carnage to an end? Sort of like sacrificing a dewy-lipped virgin on the altar of Baal. Or, uh, whatever the exact opposite of that would be.

HiredGoons (#603)

a dried up ol' cunny on the counter of a 7-11 ?

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