GORF, 1981
This is one of the coolest classic Golden Age games out there. Historically it was the first game with different screens and levels. Also, it talked. In terms of playability it is pretty low. I mean, there are 5 screens (4 if you are playing on a home unit-one of them ripped off Galaxian and they deleted it, but Galaxian was pretty much a shitty version of Galaga anyway). All the levels repeat with increased levels of difficulty. But the graphics and the sound effects make for a rather stoney time and if you were ever any good at Space Invaders or Galaga you should rock Gorf rather easily.
Some cool shit to know about Gorf:
1. The game heckles you. (It's like a historical version of the comments this column will probably get.)
2. These are the 5 levels of play:
LEVEL 1: Astro-Battles (It's like Space Invaders with pretty neon blue background.)
LEVEL 2:. Laser Attack (Similar to the Galaga stage where the astro-mosquitos capture your ship, but it's for evil and not good.)
LEVEL 3: Galaxians (It SAYS Galaxian right in the name!)
LEVEL 4: Space Warp (Like Gyruss. A really pretty level with brutal fireballs. NOTE: I knew a guy who got fireballs once from being rather wasted and taking a crap in this little patch of woods near this skateramp we got drunk on.)
LEVEL 5: Flag Ship (Aim for the reactor in the middle of the ship and blast holes in the force field so you can fire AND dodge the fucking laser beams and shrapnel falling off the ship. That ship, so dumb-looking but so awesome, also shoots fireballs, but not the ones like the guy I know had: those were his actual balls. On fire.)
3. When you clear a level, you go up in rank (this is pretty much the way they got around making more levels): Space Cadet (everybody starts at Cadet, just like in Police Academy), Space Colonel, Space General, Space Warrior, and lastly Space Avenger (which means you go play Gravitar or Berzerk again because by Level 2 it's almost unbearably hard).
4. Gorf stands for "Galactical Orbital Robot Force," which is not a Radiohead album (yet). Creator Jamie Fenton also made a Mrs. Gorf but nobody was rushing to the drawing board for that game. Supposedly Fenton had a sex change, but I don't know about that. I'm not sure whose voice they used to make the game sound like an alien commander, but when it is cackling at me I am always convinced it is someone wearing amazingly tall platform shoes, you know, the kind where everybody looks when you go by.
[Produced & Directed by D.R. Adams & Amanda Adams]
Anyway, that is my column. Now go and, you know, keep surfing the web and stuff and I will totally say some more stuff later. If you made it this far I would feel sorry for you but you probably have the munchies. Bark like a dog, Ruff Ruff.
David Ryan Adams is a musician, writer, and visual artist. A one time plumber and Hardee's employee, his new collection of original paintings will debut at the Morrison Hotel Gallery's Bowery space on September 23. The gallery will also be featuring a new series of works for auction, with the proceeds going to benefit the Housing Works Bookstore Cafe. His second book of poetry, Hello Sunshine, hits the shelves this fall. You can find him in the B.C. Rich section of most guitar stores. He is amazing and much taller and far more handsome in person. He is an American treasure like fruit bats or bungee jumping. Feel his fragrant fire here.
awesome. where are my doritos!?!?!?
Um, wow? I'm stunned. You are a master of long-form bloggery, in addition to making tolerable modern guitar rock?
Plus, Summer of '69 is a fucking awesome song.
you are a douche, wookie.
I remember GORF being an almost intimidating experience. That haunting robotic voice exhorting the perspective player to "Insert Coin!" was just too much.
I was a Defender man, myself.
I too was a defender freak along with missile command and robotron. I observed this one missile command addict who apparently also liked meth, slowly turn to twig over a few months and eventually collapse while playing. We never saw him at that 7-11 again.
Friends don't let friends game and tweak, z.
Ha you think you're old? I remember playing Star Trek ... on a teletype.
Yo Mama is so old.. http://www.boingboing.net/2008/07/16/howto-build-a-1958-o.html
Oh I must have an old oscilloscope lying around. It's probably sitting on the busted IBM card punch console.
No doubt next to the paper tape, right?
Yes indeed. Know anyone who needs some?
You lose when you drop the quarter in? Thats kind of like "the only way to win is not to play"
Seriously though, what the hell is a winding wheel?
I was a Robotron girl myself, but this is still kickass.
Totally awesome! More, please.
Sometimes, in my darkest hours, I wish Danzig would do another version of "Mother", and the thought of there being a "Mother 09" cheers me.
Like wine, it should have yearly vintages.
"It's loud, it's confusing, there are a bunch of lights going off, people (robots) are shooting at you, you need pizza, etc.,"
This could easily describe my sex life.
It scares me to read that you are a "RELUCTANT" excercising one-time wasteiod!! AND you are a perpetually young soul. There is no room for reluctance in the great life you now have!!
no need to worry, it read wrong because I am still learning to write, it should read "welcome to the jungleX totally stoked= self respecting one time wasteoid" In other words; "It'a AWLgpood" ruff
* good sheesh- can't spell
Whew!!! From my perspective, as far as writing (and life) goes, everything is and will always be a "WORK IN PROGRESS."
"She rides. Let loose upon the world. She is the night. And my loneliness in bondage. She's black. And sin runds down her back ..."
This lifted my day out of the muck a little bit and I have not even played a video game ever!
Needs more Mandy.
This was fabulous. And relatable! (I also own the Moonlighting DVDs.)
Also, Tawny Kitaen does her trademark car-writhing in the "Here I Go Again" video. But, you know, tomayto tomahto.
First you stalk me by interning at my day job at BlackBook, now you show up where I play hooky. STOP FOLLOWING ME, ADAMS. WE SHALL NEVER MARRY!
But let me know if you find out any good dirt about the famous Awl office Pile of Sweaters. It's wayyyy too quiet over there.
Please write more about videogames, including Rastan. We, who were born in the late 70s, salute you.
A request: a scathing review of the confusing, tempermental, but still, groundbreaking, Dragon's Lair.
If for no other reason than to address the porntastic name of the game's hero's, Dirk the Daring.
The 80's were a helluva decade.
"Dragon's Lair" - the best part about going to Noble Romans, aside from watching them toss the dough.
Dragon's Lair, like Jeopardy and cunnilingus, is all about timing. If you hit the button too early, you will be penalized by being temporarily locked out and may risk riding your horse straight into a stone wall.
If I only learned this lesson about Dragon's Lair (and cunnilingus) in the 80's. The 90's would have been so much easier for me.
Sorry to be pedantic, but Galaga was the sequel to Galaxian.
I always thought Galaxian was just the French-market version of Galaga.
Multimedia! Awesome!
The laugh track in the video clip is a nice touch.
Dragon’s Lair was one of those games that made me jealous of the kids who had a Tandy 2000 that could handle all the super-duper animation. All we had was a lousy Radio Shack TRS-80 Color Computer -- we were lucky just to play QIX. Oh, and it had a tape deck. Man, we were scraping by. Yep. Just barely.
Galaga is/was/always will be better.
I understand the apocalyptic malaise of which you speak - that same feeling resulted in my watching 1979's "Meteor" ALL THE WAY THROUGH last night on THIStv. It didn't help.
Can we please acknowledge the truest statement ever:
Danzig: "Everyone is jealous of him because he has awesome supernatural powers"
We need a Danzig tag.
And that Danzig tag would be ripped and abby!
Also, House of Pies!
You are a regular David Lightman playing a game of Global Thermonuclear War. But is it a game... or is it real?
" worry about that kid. Sometimes, I think we're all going to get electrocuted.
You are a regular David Lightman.
"I worry about that kid. Sometimes, I think we're all going to get electrocuted.
Obviously I am having some problems.
Reading this makes me wish I was a gamer of any sort.
Being unacquainted with GORF, for a minute there I thought that your wife (and/or cute dog) was watching an episode of Good Times or Full House or something in the background with all the laughing. That is some serious ego-deflating heckling, and should probably be incorporated as some form of punishment for criminals and those mean kids in high school.
for years i've been told danzig lives right there by the house of pies.the house totally looks danzigish. danzigish sounds a lot cooler that glenish.
You're here and I am thrilled, Mr. A. The other day I was listening to lloR & kcoR and remembering how I used to make my dad listen to it on the drive home from Philly and he was so confused.
Great post. I will note that the 280-Z was made by Datsun, not Mazda. But only because it feels so much more 80s just to say that word, "DATSUN."
Ryan, you are awesome.
Excellent. Though neither fruit bats nor bungee jumping are American; just sayin'.
Idolatry is interactive now.
seriously, I couldnt get through the whole column. Dude is an idiot talking about nothing. This is what you mean by be less stupid?
Well then, I guess this audience won't be subjected to your evilito little comments ever again.
I guess not. except for this one.
yay!
i need to poop now
Nice column, Mr. Adams, but it really was all about Tempest in my neck of the woods.
Although, now that I think about it, if I'd played that game much more I'd probably still be dealing with massive carpal tunnel.
dear ryan,
have you seen this?
http://funvampires.com/2007/03/29/professor-danzig-discusses-his-library/
you probably have but it's worth mentioning as it's pretty great.
love,
mgmt.
love this. love ryan. hurry and write more!
Something new to do. I have missed the connection with you so!
Love the fact that you are blogging here now. I am a little too young for GORF or Gravitar, but some of my clearest memories of the late eighties are playing Shinobi at Pizza Hut after Wed night church.
idono if i wanna throw you a shaka or call you a PAP but your delivery was bitchen.
danzig is way PAP, he got beat up at the mtv music awards by a faceshredder in Lef Depard, so i cut off my devillock, put small wheels on my skateboard, and started listening to the Queers while doing my paper route. with love.
),,,/
well, that all seems fair enough... If yu are into Danzig and Gorf, you really should look into the Jhonen Vasquez comic Johnny The Homicidal Maniac, if you haven't already...