The 19th Amendment to the Constitution was ratified 89 years ago today. I'm not really sure what it says because, you know: too long, didn't read! And besides, you know how those politicians are, always sneaking in little bits of texts to their bills what with the pork and loopholes and death panels, so I'm sure if I actually read it, I'd find something really horrible and Nazi-esque in it. You know what else happened on this date, but in 1958? Nabokov published Lolita. (Also TL;DR.) It is also the birthdate of the other Parker Posey, the child actor. (She is also TL;DR.) Anyway somewhere in those 39 words of the 19th Amendment, amid all the pork and the socialism, women were given the right to vote. Because of all the lies from the government, in 1920 a man named Oscar Leser sued the state of Maryland because the state was giving women voter registrations, and the feds had no right to amend the Constitution in a way that controlled the states so vigorously. Leser somehow had standing because he was a man and was therefore harmed by the votes of women. Yes, somehow this case went all the way to the Supreme Court in 1922, where everyone laughed at him, and now women can vote, much to the consternation of Ann Coulter, because secretly she is a liberal leftist performance artist, much like Lady Gaga, trying to foment a revolution. Point being: America has always had freaks.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
3
Overt menstruation prevents proper blood circulation in the brain and thus deprives the frontal lobes (where higher political thought occurs) of crucial oxygen. You want to let that vote?
Put ladies on the pill to end the menses and restore political thought? No can do. Estrogen shoots up and the uterine lining walls thicken thus preventing a proper weekly dicking from their husbands. Sex starved frontal lobes shut down again and you're back to square one.
The only answer here is to take away the right to vote and let the dicking continue for the sake of the country. These are the immutable laws of science.
This is the anniversary of the time our nation started down the long and twisty path to hell.
Today's unnerving sign that I am old: I had to google TL;DR, and then started grumbling when I realized that we've even managed to shorten the already short phrase that means we were too lazy to read something.
Kids today!