GI Joe is a movie about an ugly girl who is mechanically brainwashed to hate her dumb boyfriend. The ugly girl is played by a former model. The dumb boyfriend is sooo dumb. She is brain-washed by a snooty downtown actor named Joseph Gordon Levitt who used to have a huge art-school hipster attitude and I wonder if he still can pull that off after appearing in this sweating trash heap of a dirty catbox of a movie. This film made me yearn for the forthcoming masterpiece called Viewmaster. But most importantly, beyond issues such as the Speed Racer level of characterization, what happened to Sienna Miller's face? She looks like a bloated, patchy, puffy, rubberized, unhappy version of Demi Moore, who has almost exactly two decades on her. Does the expensive CGI not work on lady-face? The one thing she is supposed to do in this movie is look hot while she shoots guns. She cannot.
I'm sorry, I know this seems sexist! But she is supposed to be the hot chick in an action movie, that is her job description, and she is so shockingly unsexy, strutting stiffly around whilst stuffed in her cat suit like an eggplant with implants.
So this is described as a "fly-over" movie. As proof, here is a picture of the 1100+-seat Ziegfeld Theater in New York City, at about 9:45 p.m., for the 10 p.m. screening.
Not oddly enough, there were fewer people in the theater during the second half of the movie than the first. "Can I go?" whispered one of my two dates. "Yes, yes!" I said. "Save yourself!" He ran out of the theater as fast as possible.
Also! There was a preview for M Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender. Everyone laughed at it! The guy behind us, who had a bunch of Coors Lights and kept belching, was like, "WHO WAS THE FIRST AIRBENDER?"
I want to hang out with the Coors guy. My kind of guy. Probably a tourist.
The G.I. Joe I had when I was a kid was cool because I could turn his head around backwards, so you could always fool people into thinking he was leaving the barracks when he was actually entering. And then: BLAMMO.
Does this G.I. Joe have that, or should I wait for Netflix?
also, good for humping barbie, when she got tired of doing the teddybears.
I went to see this movie this weekend. The explosions and action scenes were cool but the white guy lead was one of the worst actors I'd ever seen. Supposedly-smart hot ginge didn't seem all that smart to me--or no more intelligent than anyone else. She just sat in the van with the other minorities.
And snake eyes never broke his vow of silence!!
Sooo much is wrong with this film:
--Channing Tatum, mildly-cute yet doughfaced actor who won 2 Oskars [yeah, not those ones, the Latvian VHS storeowner awards] for the cinematic dance-y monsterpieces Step Up and Step Up 2: The Streets, a.k.a. Bring It On XXVI: And On It Brings... and Bring It On XXVII: Oh No, You Better Have Not Just Said You Were Bringing It Back On Again After I Just Cleaned The Floors...
But mostly, original G.I. Joe had no balls; new movie has no balls.
"She is brain-washed by a snooty downtown actor named Joseph Gordon Levitt..."
And he was her brother and not only that he MADE HER A BRUNETTE!!!!!!!!11!!
Pure evils I tells ya, pure evil that one.
But was there a bit at the end where the Joe heroes taught us valuable lessons about household safety? "Hey, I'm going to stick my face in this fan!" "Not so fast, kids!" "LADY JAYE!"
Seriously, those segments in the cartoon taught me not to leave pot handles sticking out over the edge of the stove, and that you should always let a dog smell your hand before you try to pet him -- lessons that have stayed with me to this day!
"WHO WAS THE FIRST AIRBENDER?"
You'll have to wait for the prequal.
I am not English! But I have lived in England long enough to get pretty good at distinguishing English (and Irish and Scottish) accents. I have also lived in England long enough to learn to respect the deep-seated English love of Doctor Who. So it was a strange experience, this last weekend, to see this movie in an English cinema with English people and be able to sense - nay, feel - the immense disappointment that settled over the crowd as Christopher Eccleston barged his way through one of the worst Scottish accents this side of Mel Gibson. And then everyonel started giggling. And the giggles turned to outright laughter at the, uh, giant guy (good) who had the South African/Caribbean/Australian/other accent, and whatever weird mangled sound that blonde lady produced as an accent. And then, of course, there were the two English actors playing Americans, and then, best of all, a South African actor playing an English actor playing an American.
And then stuff went ba-blooie!
to be fair, if it had been a period piece set ANYWHERE in Europe, they all would have just had English accents.
OH. I FORGOT about Mr. Eccleston, who I also adore. WHY DID THAT HAPPEN!???
Hmmm, when I think sexy, Sienna Miller just isn't even on the spectrum...
I have watched every episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender, and it is one of the best shows made in American for tweens/adolescents/terribly intellectually-stunted adults, and I eagerly await this film, despite M. Night's involvement. It's like ancient Chinese history, with people who shoot fire!
Also, as always, James Cameron ruins everything: this show, which has been on TV for something like 5 years, can't use its own name in the film adaptation of it because of stinky old Abyss-face! Look out for "Yellow Sponge in Trousers", "Land of the Misplaced", and "The Between W and Y Files" movies, coming soon!
It's sort of better that it does't have the name---given the whitewashing of the cast.
Yeah, you're not going to be seeing much East Asian anything in the movie version. It's all been "diversified" out.
you know, I went to IMDB based on the both of you, to look at the cast and the trailer, and. . . sigh. JUST SIGH.
Sienna Miller makes a crap Kate Beckinsale.
Sienna Miller is in Kate Beckinsale's crap.
A giant flying bison was the first Airbender according to the mythology of the show. Yes, I'm serious.
Do not mock the Airbender. While M. Night has long ago shown his ability to take any idea, not matter how great, and utterly destroy it, Avatar: the Last Airbender is one hell of a series. That it was an original cartoon series on NICKELODEON, of all places, shouldn't be held against it.