Along the length of the eastern seaboard, crazed foxes continue their savagery. As we know, a young girl in Brockton, Massachusetts, remains paralyzed with fear following her assault by a silver fox. Now, an aged couple has been mauled amid the tropic splendor of Boca Raton, Florida!

On the morning of Thursday, July 27th, Michael and Dani Noell, 57 and 56, respectively, were speed-walking in Red Reef Park, a daily tradition. At around 8:45 a.m., whilst lost in the rigor of their constitutional, the Noells were ignorant to the maddened gray fox angrily sprinting toward them. Yes, they only became aware of its presence upon hearing from the bushes a ghastly "crowing." By then, it was too late.

Perhaps preferring her smaller size, the beast first attacked Dani, biting her in the knee and sending the couple into a whirling horror. Panicked but lucid, Michael reacted quickly, picking up an errant length of PVC piping and using it to deliver a hard blow into the fox's rear. The fox released Ms. Noell, but, brash and strong with infection, it then refused to flee. It lunged at Michael, latching onto his calf and drawing blood. At this, Michael used the PVC piping to inflict a succession of quick, heavy blows into the wild animal's skull until it was dead.

Pulsing with adrenaline and thus unfazed by her injuries, Dani ran to find help while Michael stayed with the fox carcass and telephoned the authorities. "I chased the sucker down," he told a police dispatcher, breathing heavily and sounding-dare I say?-invigorated. "He was crazy," he reported.

To which the dispatcher responded: "We just had a raccoon attack somebody down the street too, so there must be something going on with the animals today."

Something indeed.

Tests showed that the fox was rabid.

We cannot but thank our regional correspondents, upstanding young locals in the field of animal surveyorship for their assistance with these urgent reports for the public good.

Previously: Epic True Tales of Wild Animal Assault: The Hideous Foxes of Brockton

Cord Jefferson is a writer-editor living in Brooklyn. Some of his other work has appeared in National Geographic, GOOD, The Root and on MTV.