Not content with their own disgusting contributions to culinary history, the English are now claiming that haggis-that vile, football-shaped concoction of minced ungulate innards boiled in their own stomach-was appropriated by the Scots under false pretenses. Historians note that whether or not the Scottish people actually purloined the dish, they are still morally superior to the Welsh, who came to my house and stole a leg of beef.
Monday, August 3, 2009
8
Haggis
Much to his dad and mum's dismay
Horace ate himself one day
He didn't stop to say his grace
He just sat down and ate his face
"We can't have this!" his dad declared
"If that lad's ate he should be shared"
But even as he spoke they saw
Horace eating more and more:
First his legs and then his thighs,
His arms, his nose, his hair, his eyes
"Stop him someone!" Mother cried
"Those eyeballs would be better fried!"
But all too late for they were gone,
And he had started on his dong...
"Oh foolish child!" the father mourned
"You could have deep-fried those with prawns,
Some parsley and some tartar sauce..."
But H was on his second course;
His liver and his lights and lung,
His ears, his neck, his chin, his tongue
"To think I raised him from the cot
And now he's gone to scoff the lot!"
His mother cried what shall we do?
What's left won't even make a stew..."
And as she wept her son was seen
To eat his head his heart his spleen
And there he lay, a boy no more
Just a stomach on the floor...
None the less since it was his
They ate it - and that's what haggis is
(From Monty Python's Big Red Book)
can we please talk about "English throw Scot cuisine out of kilter"?
Dear MSNBC (also, the other ones): maybe if you spent less time trying to outdo the NYPost with bad puns, you wouldn't have headers like "STAUTS QUO" appearing in huge type on your live TV feed, like it did today.
Meantime, my people claim authorship of the cockpunch.
English food, like English weather, is preparation for the inevitable hardships of life.
Now now, Margaret Thatcher had her positive traits. Offal seems a bit harsh.
Do you mean her role in the development of soft-serve ice cream or her mortality?
the latter, yes.
The Scots definitely invented vegetarian haggis so that should be awful enough for them.