'Desi Talk': Probably New York's Greatest Newspaper
The other night I was on the F train, which was running as the E train, annoyingly. I was on my way back from a long hot night of Rock Band in Brooklyn, and I desperately needed something to read. But the only newspaper on the train was a copy of Desi Talk. And? What a wonderful newspaper!
Although I didn't have any idea about what most of it was about, because there was lots of extremely well-informed coverage of religious festivals in New Jersey and the like, and I don't know anything about either of those things, I was very impressed that A) they are like 40+ pages and B) they have seemingly robust advertising.
In particular I was impressed with their classified ads. Because Craigslist killed the classifieds—but not in the specialty markets! Particularly the matrimonials, which are just really sweet and also I wish my mom had taken one of these out for me years ago. I'm totally serious. Why did I have to date random people for like 20 years? I would have done much better with parental orchestration. Such as:
"Parents invite correspondence from well-educated professionals for my slim, beautiful, very accomplished and professionally successful daughter, 30, software consultant, born/raised in Canada/USA, now living in CHICAGO."
Um, she sounds awesome? But. You know this other girl right now is totally pissed off at mom and dad though:
"Gujarati Vaishnav parents visiting with their Good looking Mumbai born daughter, 1977 born, Yoga Teacher / I. T Programmer, Ht 5' 1", 50 Kg. Never Married, Well to do Family, Visiting Chicago, Kansas, New York & Other States."
She is totally like "OH MY GOD, MOM!!" at this very moment.
And:
"Looking for professional match for software engineer boy, 29 yrs / 5' 7". Girl should be USA/Canada citizen. Caste no bar."
I think that is extra-sweet; that is a phrase that pops up a lot! (Including as "caste/previous marriage no bar.")
The last newspaper I found and read on the train was the Final Call. I didn't enjoy that as much, though I appreciated their perspective on how the pharmaceutical companies and the right-wing arm of the secret government is conspiring to keep the poor in poverty. (TRUTH!) Also I did like their long health editorial about how the white man was always trying to trick the black man into eating swine. (And also how pork gives you pork worms!) Also though? AMAZING HEADLINES.
In conclusion, my ideal newspaper would be if the staff of Desi Talk and the Final Call switched newspapers for a week. That would be the best solution for all of us. Thank you.
The matrimonials remind of a show dog getting the how's-your-father at Westminster.
You know what else was probably quaint?
Slave auctions.
You are worse than Hitler, George W. Bush and Cintra Wilson combined, Choire!
I am never reading the Desi News again.
Oh, pshaw! There's nothing wrong with looking for hot chicks for your son. I AM SERIOUSLY PRO.
Yeah, actually I'm all for it. But my mom always picked out fatties for me. So I couldn't have that happening.
I read Desi Talk for the Op Ed section. Last week there was a great piece on Lucy and the 'splaining she had to do.
But Ricky, I don't wanna be throw into your funeral pyre! Waaaaaa!
Was there a M4M section?
'Caste no bar' is totally going in my Manhunt profile
Haha, my parents get India Abroad, and they have these too.
My mom sez she'll start a gay version when she finds more than the 2 or 3 gay Indian dudes (besides me) that she knows.
BTW, pure Brahmin here if you're interested!
A nice Brahmin you say?
I want to hear more about these Rockband exploits. Is Choire one to belt out Hungry Like the Wolf? Rock out to Judas Priest? Inquiring minds…
This is rather ignorant. Yes – Indian people place matrimonial ads in their local newspapers, as do many other ethnic minorities in countries around the world. Maybe if there had been a scene for that in Slumdog it might not have been so "novel."
And if you're going to crack a joke – at least fuck with the "middle management" guy. Or the Vaishnav.
So, do the parents audition the sex, too?
If you loved this, you'll love the matrimonial sites whose adds I can currently see on your website.
I hope someone opens a gay Indian matrimonial site. It's going to be hazaar fun.
@Baduncle: Since you wanted to know:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gtcBlwZPOo