How about the Danish newspaper Politiken? Besides having such a great name-so verby and hip-hop-here's a publication that knows how to write a headline, even in the English translation version. "Drug Addict Orgy Of Violence" ?! A word-by-word analysis proves that headline has an 80% titillation factor. Then what follows: "A couple kidnapped on the island of Mors were confronted with an overdose, a chain saw and forced to dig their own graves. Six arrested."??!!! What choice do we have but to read this!
Mors is a scenic vacation spot known for its arts-and-crafts community. But on Monday, six drug addicts there thought two other drug addicts had stolen some jewelry. So the first six drug addicts took the second two drug addicts to a house to physically abuse them for hours and threaten them with death by overdose or death by being cut in half with a chainsaw.
There was also repeated branding and the victims were made to dig their own graves.
Thankfully, the two escaped yesterday morning and are now receiving medical and psychological treatment. And great newspaper writeups!
wow, this makes my oh-shit-predicament-of-the-week look like i just won the lottery. thanks dave!
Vice President Cheney immediately demanded the release of the six alleged offendors, saying it "was no big deal; the CIA does this stuff just for kicks all the time."
What the hell is happening in those first two sentences? Do you just hate punctuation?
Those sentences were torture! Also - how did you come to your own conclusion that the kidnapped couple were drug addicts? The article doesn't say that, so do you know MORS about the story than the Danes?
"The entire group is known to the police and said to be part of the drug addict environment on Mors. "
ugh, never mind. I read inkerrektly.
Fixed. (Hopefully somewhat less torturous now.)
And, yes, I did take the "entire group" in Politiken's report to refer to assailants and victims alike. Inkerrekt?
My crippling case of OCD and I thank you.
'It's something to tell to our grandchildren.'
Describes my last Date Night.
This happened in Denmark? I thought the worst thing those guys did over there was publish cartoons of Mohammed. Holy cow.
A pal of mine edits the front page for a Scandinavian tabloid. His most celebrated performance to date:
"Gay Marriage with Brain-Damaged Cousin Got Him a Green Card"
It's not Headless Body in Topless Bar, but it's fairly snappy before you translate it. Also, in Europe sex and immigration is hotter than drugs and violence.
PRUNED DANISH