What kind of crazy world do we live in when we can see into the White House each day through The Official White House Photostream? Well a really crazy one. And here we have Ana Marie Cox (Daily Beast and Playboy contributor and Air America hostessess) and Jason Linkins (of the Huffington Post) to annotate it for us.
ANA: I think that the Obamas have allowed Bo's lethal level of adorability to blind them to the truth.
JASON: They are outright lying about their dog!
ANA: Who told them Portuguese Water Dogs can't swim? Or that they like tomatoes? Where is Fox News on this?
JASON: Why hasn't Bill O'Reilly ambushed all the Portuguese Water Dogs? Why don't I own a Portuguese Bourbon Fetcher Dog?
ANA: Clearly, this administration does not keep its promises
JASON: How did the POLITICO fail to WIN THE AFTERNOON with the exciting news of the Estonian President's visit?
ANA: Where are they meeting? The Capitol Hill Hilton?
The first taste is always free!
ANA: How can the Obamas authentically relax with each other if White House photog Pete Souza is following them around?
JASON: It makes me wonder what shots Souza leaves in the darkroom.
ANA: That would imply that they are able to get really relaxed.
Opposite day, obviously.
We TOLD YOU about this Pete Souza and his desperate need to find "frames" to put Obama in. But that's how we roll: Speaking truth the White House commemorative photographers. And, by the way, SQUISHING YOUR HEAD, SQUISHING YOUR HEAD!
Some of you might want to know-for "research" purposes, of course-that the man in the foreground is Peter Orszag.
Every once in a while, President Obama just straight up forgets who the fuck Robert Gibbs is.
JASON: God, even Barack's gang tags are sort of lame!
ANA: It's like he got that off a Snapple lid.
Joe Biden, as always, reminding Hillary that his job is easier than hers and he gets paid more.
Not to harp on this, but again, MYSTERY FOOTBALL: Why haven't we heard about this? Is it possible that there can be an aspect of this man's life that we neither know nothing about, or at the very least, have had some shit made up about?
We can guarantee you that somewhere on this map is Obama's birthplace. (Note: Not a guarantee.)
The football mystery deepens! BECAUSE IT IS MOVING.
ANA: Do you think he was just pelting Steny Hoyer, with the football, for health care?
JASON: I know I would!
We had been trying very hard to avoid comment on the fruit bowls. Because JESUS THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. But Pete Souza won't let this go.
ANA: It's hard to believe how much power Rahm has.
JASON: And you are just referring to his pants, right?
What secret message is he sending to the Jews now? That's he's erect? That word has several meanings!
Tim Geithner, contemplating his return to Rivendell.
Because he was especially good, Obama allows Joe Biden to touch him. JUST FOR A SECOND, THOUGH, HANDSY!
ANA: I always felt a little dirty saying there was a honey pot at the White House.
JASON: Are those killer bees Africanized or Muslimized.
Obama gets ready to pull out his Blackberry, by which we of course mean his penis.
OMGZ! OBAMA IS BEING THOUGHTFUL AS HARD AS HE CAN.
The official position from the White House is that this picture is in no way metaphorical.
But the "Obama and halo" shot probably is.
Legislative Affairs Director Phil Schiliro demonstrates another tactic the White House could use to convince Congress to pass health care reform.
Don't tell anyone, but that folder contains information on the super-secret mission that Obama gave the Uighurs.
There no artifice at all to the way Obama is always strategically chilling out by busts of Lincoln. None at all.
JASON: There it is! The teleprompter! The secret weapon no one in the GOP could have predicted!
ANA: I didn't know it was possible to take its picture!
Fortunately, the Secret Service intervened before Brian Williams could suck Bo's cock, too.
What, they can't already hear Joe Biden?
Everyone was really sad when the NBC News crew left. Who would suck their cocks now?
Can't make fun of Nancy Reagan, people. She's a sweetheart, and she's still sharp enough to know when she's being jacked around by Mitt Romney.
Obama waits for central casting to send the lamb and the manger.
OH NO! An apple has escaped from its bowl!
"Hey, is that ANOTHER bust of Lincoln? How'd that get here?"