Our White House: really, we should call it the Transparent House, it is so wide-open. Thanks to White House photographer Pete Souza and his friends, every day we see all. Or at least we think we do! And here we have Ana Marie Cox (Daily Beast and Playboy contributor) and Jason Linkins (editor of the Huffington Post's Eat the Press) to interpret the visuals for us.
"No, no, no, See, here's the thing. Palin passes the ball."
"Why yes, I am very interested in your new long distance plan?"
ANA: "I feel like we should be able to get something funny out of Gorbachev."
JASON: "You mean like SQUEEZE him?"
ANA: "Sort of like what Obama's doing right now."
This is volleyball Mike Allen tried to hide behind, at the Fourth of July party.
Despite the promises of the stimulus package, this child is actually 30% smaller than it was four months ago. Still delicious, though.
A cardboard cutout of Barack Obama looks on, with Mike Allen, as fireworks explode in the sky.
TRACY JORDAN COMES TO THE WHITEHOUSE. "No, no, don't help me, Rahm Emanuel, I have too much pride!"
I don't know if the stimulus will end up being big enough, but that's undeniably a big package. (After this shot, White House photographer Samantha Appleton was never heard from again.)
JASON: JESUS. This is like Pete Souza YAHTZEE. Frames, Obama pondering, and Lincoln.
ANA: Obama must wander around wondering, "How long do I have to stand by this picture of Lincoln before Pete Souza takes my picture?"
Steven Chu is being punished by being forced to stand by the Lincoln bust. "You stand there, thinking about what you've done, until Pete Souza comes over and records this moment."
Mike Allen [not pictured].
JASON: Is that the Fourth of July picnic?
JASON: So we can't make a Mike Allen joke.
ANA: Oh, no. We can still make a Mike Allen joke!
White House personal secretary Katie Johnson finds her chance to set a new high-score in Wurdle foiled once again. (THOUGHT BALLOON: You know, you have your own office!)
Ready for that trip up shit creek!
In order to take his mind off getting dressed down for the millionth time, Joe Biden focuses on the wine, the delicious, numbing wine.
JASON: There's that fucking football, again.
ANA: That must be where he keeps his smokes.
JASON: Or Mike Allen.
"Jesus. Can't a girl just play a game of Wurdle in peace? Stop throwing Mike Allen around!"
At first Angela Merkle was put off by the new White House tradition of Spin the Bottle nights. But that passed when she saw who the bottle landed on.
Don't you know, little boy, tossing softballs at Robert Gibbs is Ed Henry's job!
Reese Witherspoon is about to make someone the Bachelor!
Jason: FRAMES WITHIN FRAMES WITHIN FRAMES!
Ana: Never let it be said that Pete Souza wasn't paying attention in junior high photography class.
Jason: No, never. I will CUT a motherfucker who says that.
Obama uses immigration reform meetings for his catnaps. Hey, don't get mad! It's not like they were ever going to solve that problem!
"Here's the thing Charlie, Brian Williams did this swirly thing…"
Actual caption: "President Barack Obama's jacket rests on a couch in the Oval Office while he makes a phone call, June 24, 2009."
ANA: That's a little worshipful, even for Pete Souza.
JASON: Gah, this week, Souza's new trick has been exploring the wisdom of Obama on the phone.
ANA: Maybe we're having an effect!
You can't Vulcan mind-meld yourself! LOSS OF NERD POINTS.
Hi, Awl readers. My name is Jason Linkins. I'd like to take this moment to remind each of you that Food Network personality Bobby Flay is complete horseshit. Isn't this the sort of thing the Secret Service is supposed to stop, by force? Literally rain down wave after wave bullets on this man, to protect our president? Anyway, fuck this guy, and his crapulent Southwestern style jizzvapor cuisine. To hate like me is to be happy forever. That is all.
"No, no, no, See, here's the thing. Palin passes the ball. (Thank you, John.)"
Previously: The Case of the Crazy Runaway Apple