Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

Random Chris Brown Wedding Video Makes Him The Luckiest Person Alive

WEDDING LADYIt was disgusting when a car commercial sold two million albums for Sting. It was really very cool when a different car commercial introduced the music of the late Nick Drake to way more people than had ever heard of him when he was alive. But the Chris Brown wedding video tearing up the Internet looks to be the most surreal route to a career comeback since… umm, Flavor of Love.

Six months after famously and horribly beating his girlfriend and fellow R&B singer Rihanna, Chris Brown is blazing up the iTunes top-sellers chart. Not because of the public mea culpa video he recently issued. But because Minnesotan newlyweds Jill Peterson and Kevin Heinz happened to choose a song he released more than a year ago as the music for the wedding entrance that over ten eleven! million people have now watched on YouTube.

What kind of weird bloodletting ritual did Chris Brown have to perform with Lucifer to get that going?

27 Comments / Post A Comment

mathnet (#27)

Probably owns too.

binkysdream (#173)

I'm an old, so I don't know from Chris Brown. But my first of many thoughts upon seeing this was that such a shitty choice of music did not speak well of this couple.

I sort of love that they're like WE'RE FUN PEOPLE? But also I sort of would not want that for my own wedding?

binkysdream (#173)

Choire, you are exactly right. Maybe it's just my Minnesota-related PTSD from grad school that's making me extra cranky.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

Nightmares about people from Saint Peter sitting on you?

Also I don't like her dress that much. MEOW. Sorry!

mathnet (#27)


Matt (#26)

OH AND WHAT OF THE MEN? Did they not realize that they were at a WEDDING? Before the eyes of GOD?!

Abe Sauer (#148)

This is second reference today about your only-exists-in-campaign-promises wedding day.

Choire — I have seen this too many times and I've had just about enough of this hooha.

This is what passes for "getting down" in Minnesota. So I guess that's cute and sweet. They have high spirits and enthusiasm. Yay! It's just like prom only with presents!!

But I fail to understand what makes this so freakin' popular. The music sucks. The dancing isn't that great. (Unless one is amazed by the moves of classic white people boogie down style: "woo-hoo! get on the dance floor everybody they're playing "Celebration!" And the sunglasses indoors to signify that they are being cool — what is this 1983? If it is rural Minnesota then I guess that's about right. The most impressive thing about it is that this is done by people who very well may be of Scandinavian extraction.

Wookie: Uh. St Peter? Do you mean St. Paul or St. Olaf? And Minnesota isn't the obese state — it's North Dakota and Wisconsin, donchaknow? Youse gotta get yer stereotypes cleer der.

Okey dokey now everbody just settle down. I made a nice hot dish fer da potluck at Gustavus Adolphus Lutheran and den after dat we'll stan' aroun' talkin aboot ice fishin' and scratch our mosquiter bites until they bleed. Now dat's a good pardy!

Abe Sauer (#148)

I think it's you who have to get the 'types right. MN's adult obesity rate is 25.3% and NDs is 26.7. WI's is 26%. You're right, MN is so less fat. (Though MN's childhood obesity rate is lower – 23.1% – which means, unlike WI and ND, the MN population gets fatter in adulthood instead of leaner).
As for your hating on the rurals or the lack of white dancing ability (BTW: how terribly original an observation of you, Sinbad), maybe you're looking to be commenting over on Gawker.
And it IS just like prom you retard. In fact, that's EXACTLY what prom was, an activity that prepared adolescents for wedding-like formal events.
And what makes this so freakin popular is that it is genuine and sweet (which is why the Today show recreation was so lame) and creative and not overproduced and everyone is clearly having the time of their lives during a period when many are unemployed and foreclosed and screwed and looking for something, anything uplifting (that ISN'T one of those forced, overproduced Brian Williams do-gooder segments about an octogenarian guy driving cancer patients to appointments).
It is St. Paul, and clearly this wouldn't happen in a rural area where the youth, generally, would be scared to try something so fun and memorable. Really think about what you're disliking; you're disliking people for liking something completely harmless and infectious. I suppose you also hate seeing a natural rainbow, because, you know, how corny.

The obesity rates are negligible. Also Gustavus Adolphus is in St. Peter. So I stand corrected on two counts. (Sorry Wook!)

Sauer: Simmer down. I'm not hating for chrissakes. These are my people. I'm allowed to make fun.

Try not to take things so seriously. I certainly wasn't.

Abe Sauer (#148)

These people are having harmless, nonjudgmental fun. They hardly seem like your people.

saythatscool (#101)

Baah! This couple did a much cuter wedding dance before that couple copied them.


mathnet (#27)

Oooooh! (Appropriate) censorship!

saythatscool (#101)

Hey I got a new name from Choire! It's just like the Scarlet Letter but without that suckwad Demi Mooore.

saythatscool (#101)

Victory is mine!

cherrispryte (#444)

I commented on this on youtube, something to the effect of "Wow, way to start your wedding with a love song by a guy who beat up his girlfriend." Within TWO MINUTES, my comment recieved so many thumbs down that it disappeared from the comment are, to be replaced by a slew of "OMG WEDDINGS ARE BEAUTIFUL MAGIC AND JESUS" type comments.

Matt (#26)

I spent a lot of time and energy being mad about this video and how universally adored it became, but you know? A bunch of Midwestern white people dancing poorly down the aisle of a megachurch in a vain and grotesque minstrel show to the plaintive strains of a man once broadly reviled for the brutal beating of his girlfriend sums up my feelings on the concept of marriage pretty perfectly. It's like poetry.

Bittersweet (#765)


thefeeling (#927)

While this certainly looks fun, I kind of wonder about turning your wedding into linkbait. Does it devalue it, in some way? Like when the groom pretends to have lost the rings. Way to turn your wedding into a tired sitcom gag.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

I'm going to type this before the smell of Ben-Gay overpowers me, but I'm going on the record and saying that I effing love this video and the thought that went behind it.

I never claimed to be cool, yo.

Having been to one too many stuffy church weddings where Pachelbel's Canon is basically a given (it's a curse of being a WASP), I would be THRILLED if any of my friends did something half as entertaining as this during the procession. Girl=beater song choice notwithstanding, I think it's fun, and awesome to see a couple who isn't taking the ritualism of the wedding ceremony so seriously.

CousinOliver (#1,024)

I am waiting impatiently for someone to walk down the aisle doing the zombie dance from "Thriller." Now that would be a marriage that no man could pull asunder.

Kataphraktos (#226)

Hey, good for them, except for OMG POLYESTER MELT IT MELT IT NOW.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

Another dancey wedding video gets 11 jillion views, but chimp on stilts ( barely has 7,000? What gives?

byronryder (#244,252)

I would love to check Chris Brown`s pre wedding pictures, I am sure they had a lot of fun. A lot of people love his style and music, 10 million viewers on YouTube is not a surprise for stars like Chris, this video has something special, it reveals moments from his personal life.

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