Porn Story Doesn't Include Logical Climax
Everyone will titter over this Times front-pager about the current vogue for dramaturgical concision in the adult film industry, and rightly so. That's what it's there for: links and laughs. And I've kind of made my peace with that. If the Times, in this era of decline, needs to do these kinds of linkbaity articles to help subsidize less appealing but more important journalism, who am I to begrudge them? But if you are going to run a piece on how viewers of dirty movies prefer to see scenes of double-headed dildo penetration without the introductory monologue explaining why the character is motivated to penetrate herself with a double-headed dildo, doesn't it behoove you to mention that the reason people like their porn in 3-5 to minute spurts is that it only takes most of them 3-5 minutes to spurt? I mean, there are some decent attempts at historical perspective and the effects of technical innovation on the industry here, but the bottom line is now that people can masturbate from the privacy of their own homes at any time of the day, they don't need to pretend that they're watching The 400 Blows; one quick blow will do it. And if that's too delicate a reality for the paper, it has no business trawling for sleaze-hits in the first place.
Time is money shot.
What, Balk, it only takes you 3-5 minutes? I know not of what you speak.
Yeah. Jeez. Not to mention how EVERYONE who does any serious porn wanking does it through unconnected, free or pay-per-5-min Xtube single scenes selected for one's flavor of the day, like "drunk," "ex- revenge," "bangbus," or "dorm room." It's all about the scene's single scene theme now, not some hat-tip to loose plot or even a "star." And plotting was in full bloom in 2005? Really?! That's just when Joanna Angel was capitalizing on 5 minute themed scenes and starting to kick everyone's ass…
The "convenience" of home porn is cheapening the act, and killing us spiritually. Bring back the social communion of Show World tokens.
The Gray Lady should not do porn.
Listen here for the sound of one hand clapping :-)
But what's it slapping? Oh, you typed "clapping."
I had that once. Not pretty.
Maybe they could sell escort ads now that Craigslist stopped running their sex services category.
Does cinema like Lawrence of Her Labia or Saving Ryan's Privates count as plot-driven?
And what about A Midsummer Night's Cream, Sorest Rump, Batman and Throbbin', Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon, …?
How could you forget the seminal "Poke a Hot Ass"?
And then there's the hotly awaited Cumdog Millionaire.
Am I alone in really enjoying 70s porn movies BECAUSE of their storylines and exposition?
Yes.
No, I love story too.
Ew, "spurts".
I thought you liked spurts?
(That's what she read!?)
Obviously this post should be titled The Spurt Locker!
Why? ‘Cause this joke was a bomb?
Ahem. This was but a poor pun on the word sport, and not meant to malign the virtue or fine reputation of one Phylis Nefler Bakes. Don’t know her personally, just follow her now and then on the internets–she’s smart and funny!–where she seems to have become, kind of quietly, some lamentable site’s woman on sports recently. See where it was going?
Please let this serve as a correction of the permanent record. Phyllis Nefler a/k/a Katie Bakes is aces, her questionable line call in this particular matter (shoulda been The Awl!) and failure to roundly smash the ball into lamentable, maladjusted, capital L Loser Roddick’s head in her inaugural post notwithstanding. I write this with the wisdom that comes only from playing no higher than first doubles throughout school, subsequently capitalizing on that early success to become a commenter on mediacentric websites, so for once I know what I’m talking about.