My sleep was deeply troubled last night, and the early dawn made clear that there would be no catching up the lost hours on the other side of the morning, so I rose early and began trudging down to the Awl offices. Along Second Avenue I found myself behind a gentleman who was wearing the rumpled clothes of the previous evening. At first I thought the might be one of the new summer homeless, but he stopped at the corner and hailed a cab. After telling the driver his destination, he lowered his head and held his face in his hand-the universal symbol of regret.
Well, life's just hard as it is. None of us know what the future holds. But in the spirit of renewal, on a day that has at least started out sunny and bright, and by the power vested in me as a nationally-ranked Print/Online Reporter, I hereby absolve you all for any bad decisions you made yesterday. (Even attending Capoeira class.) Go about your day head held high, and know you have been forgiven. Also, good morning! Let's all get through it together.

Thank you. I needed that.
Ooh, a pun in Latin!
But do you absolve me for still being in bed?
Yes. All is forgiven! Now get started on that e-mail.
Huh, I ... I always assumed that the whole concept of the "Awl offices" was an elaborate joke, and that like all underfunded bloggers you guys worked from your filthy apartments. Are you really getting enough CUBE Mobile Device cash to rent Manhattan real estate? Is your office actually inside a CUBE Mobile Device donated by Nissan for that purpose?
Let's just say that the "office" is more like a filthy "apartment" that one of us "fled from" and doesn't "sleep in" since his boyfriend lives "nearby."
Oh, so it's rent-stabilized!
No scare quotes around "filthy"? Or are they just Zagation marks? Punked Zagation marks, something ...
Today, we are all lapsed Catholics in desperate need of penance.
Best advice for troubled souls? "Leggo My Ego."
Semper ubi sub ubi.
[Do you] always where under where? What?
I have many regrets this morning, but the one that stands out is the four cloves of garlic in last night's chard. Urp.
I think you can take Roger Angell, Balk. The man's 89 years old.
Honestly, Balk, this sounds like a suicide note.
Nah. When that day comes I'll do it on video. When I go, I'm gonna go viral.
The Awl has OFFICES?!
Had I known I was absolved, I wouldn't have apologetically replied to that "HOW COULD YOU" email that I received overnight regarding that "thing" that I "did" which was really quite minor anyway.
I made some decent decisions yesterday (exercise, no booze, early to bed). Can I hang onto this, like a Get Out Of Jail Free card?
I don't have any regrets about yesterday; it was a couple days ago that I need ablution of.
I'll put this one in the bank. And I gave up the cab/bus-ride of shame a LONG TIME AGO!!
Are you sure his face wasn't in his hands to more easily summon the image of the way her ass looked as it hovered just above him?
Wow. YESTERDAY? Can you spare it?
I'm still trying to get some sort of deal on what happened last year.
Next time can we get a sin-with-joy-and-abandon siren as a heads-up? Had I known I would have had a more interesting Monday.
How does the Wednesday after next look for you?
I believe I've scheduled my suicide, but I can move things around.