Thank God the future of print journalism lies in local newspapers. Otherwise we might miss this kind of gripping reportage: "And like Sandra Lee, June brides are more determined than ever to make their weddings unforgettable, an experience. This turns out to involve the groom mostly as an interested bystander, because weddings – the subject of this sixth installment in the Mercury News' 12-part series "Life in a Year" – really are all about the bride." This article was actually on the front page.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
8
What am I gripping now?
I've noticed they scale down their expectations the second time around.
Weddings...who has the time for them?
She had just begun walking down the aisle when the specially designed spotlight suddenly shone on Sandra Lee, momentarily turning her wedding dress into the Chinese symbol for double-happiness
Far as I got.
Hey, at least the brides are now coloring outside their cookie cutters.
Girls are dumb. Want to make the wedding "unforgettable, an experience"? It's easy: fuck someone else in the wedding party at the reception.
Or, if you want to stick in their minds AND stick to your vows*, you can always "accidentally" light one of your bridesmaids on fire. Nothing screams "good time!" like the smell of burning tulle!
*"Vows," not "commandments."
Look at this as a 'glass half-full' opportunity, Balk: it means there's a good chance that your "Men Enjoy Fellatio" article will see the light of day.