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Monday, June 8, 2009

12

What If Britney Were Topless And No One Cared?

Oh honey....It is a bad sign for your stardom, and your sense of place in the cultural moment, when you are a major tabloid pop star and you whip out your breasts for your new video and the Internet doesn't explode.

The topless photos of Britney Spears-published yesterday in News of the World-haven't even been posted on Perez Hilton. (Drudge is also a no-show at the Britney pics party.) Those of us who have labored in the salt mines of the gossip blogs easily recall a time only some months ago when we would have been texted to attend to our laptops when some Britney topless action occurred on a weekend. Now there is a giant gaping silence. (Part of the problem is that her non-breast parts, as photographed, look so unbelievably terrible. Perhaps everyone feels bad!)

This is sort of embarrassing for everyone! It is pretty much like someone ripped off her top at a party and everyone was like "Oh boy, call her a cab right now, she is bringing us down and this is not sophomore year of college."

12 Comments / Post A Comment

IBentMyWookie
IBentMyWookie (#133)

It's like looking into a mirror. A funhouse mirror that gives you Midwestern arms, but still.

KarenUhOh
KarenUhOh (#19)

Guess she's not real ticklish.

Abe Sauer
Abe Sauer (#148)

http://gawker.com/news/britney-spears/omg-britney-sex-tape-omg-probablymaybe-213240.php
I think that covers BOTH this and the previous post.

Choire Sicha

True!

Emily
Emily (#20)

Ha! Oh man. We were all so much thinner then, me included. Also a bummer that happened before we started getting paid by the pageview.

Rod T
Rod T (#33)

Yesterday at some back patio barbecue bar thing about ten of us were showing each other our underwear, as immature gay men will. (Least mature being my friend E and I, both going commando, but still lowering trou enough to accentuate the point.) Meanwhile, A dropped trou to reveal pink knit boxers which had shifted so that the family jewels were revealed. His "partner" [I hate that word.] soon took him home as well.

Is being escorted away from the party now to be known as a "Britney" moment?

propertius
propertius (#361)

Let us solemnly hope not.

I agree with you about "partner", especially now that it has been relaunched as a participle, "partnered", as in "I am openly partnered".

(N.B. I am not partnered, openly or otherwise.)

andrew graham

And another problem: She alleges to enjoy London.

MisterHippity

Those poor little temporary tattoos don't stand a chance against the awesome power of Britney's nipples.

At least, that's what I've heard. I haven't looked at the pictures myself.

SarahHeartburn

Yeah, but you got a seeing web-eye porno dog to do it for you. and for shame, you, a father....

David
David (#192)

I thought Britney was blond. What happened?

edisdead
edisdead (#580)

honestly, I think it's partially because the photos are from 2007. She's just not that shocking anymore. She's a mother of two, for chrissakes.

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