And then there's Balk… who seems to have no shortage Public Displays of Emotion Tales to share with us.

What I'm trying to say here is: DAMNIT CHOIRE.

Because it's like spam, but really good, high-quality spam.

But just so you know, I'm actually from New Jersey and I've only lived in San Francisco for like a year and a half. Also, I don't even like Mexican food because it's too spicy for me. San Francisco is kind of awesome sometimes but also kind of annoying sometimes. I like how it's pretty and chill, but I don't like how people here are so self-absorbed and they always misinterpret mild sarcasm as extreme bitchiness. Also they are silly and think San Francisco counts as a real city when really it's more of a cute little town. I bet you would like it if you visited, but not as much as Europe or Morocco, probably. I mean depending on where in Europe, because there must be someplace there that is worse than San Francisco.

Anyway, if you're going to hate me you should hate me for being from New Jersey, not for being from San Francisco.

Anytime I hear someone sing praise of San Francisco, I get angry for some reason. I've never even been there, but there was this kid, Kerry, that transferred in the senior year of high school that dared to be both smart and popular and rebellious. Dammit, but that was my fucking niche, and I stood my ground and relegated him out of the popular circles. We almost fought once, but didn't, girlfriends holding us back, "Stop it! Stop it!" By the end of senior year, I was nominated for prom court and Kerry wasn't so it all worked out. I didn't even go to the dance (even though a girl's parents offered to buy me a tux, but hello? Steve has already fucked her, which means she was already a slut so what did I want with her?) I know through that "People you may know" upper righthand corner ghost on Facebook that Kerry is bald in a bad way now (not in the acceptable way I am), but I won't friend him because we weren't and aren't.

Two friends of mine are moving to San Francisco, one this month to be a teacher and one next to skateboard or some shit. They're both bangable (June moreso than July), but I haven't, which means they are actually just friends. Both have offered lodging if I were to come out ("You'd love it out there.") but I'd really prefer to go to Europe or Morocco (and I have always had a fascination with Key West).

So when I think of tacos, real tacos without Chamomille filter Angus-grade tofu, I'll go to my local Taco Truck. Or Mexico (despite the risk of kidnapping). But San Francisco? San Francisco can go fuck itself.