Tomorrow He May Do Something About Smoked Gouda!
Are you a subscriber to The Awl's daily newsletter? No? Well go fuck yourself, you stupid scrotmunch. Oops, I mean, you totally should be! It comes direct to your inbox every morning, or whenever I ask Choire if he's written it yet and he's all, "Oh, fuck, lemme do that right now!" Anyway, it is full of valuable content that you cannot find anywhere else—today was all about tacos or something! (I don't really read it, but everyone tells me it's great.) You should for sure make this part of your routine. DO IT NOW! Thank you!
It's like getting a weird email from one a weird acquaintance/almost friend. I printed it out and took it to the crapper today and read it. Def'o David "the biz guy" Cho's idea.
Paul Blart's going to be using a walker pretty soon.
I approve the emails, unless my approval is not helpful, in which case I fucking loathe the emails.
Should be "approve of", shouldn't it? Sigh.
And "loathe of," too, why not.
Probably coulda used a "for which" too. Or an interrobang.
I just like getting an e-mail. I refresh-refresh-refresh all morning till comes, like a child waiting for the ice cream man. Who will then steal his change and burn rubber.
Mr. Balk should also write these letters. He could throw back a few flasks of bourbon, line up the bottles on his desk, and just write down anything the spirits tell him.
He could call it "Talking Pints Memo," or something.
Sippin' it old-school:
http://www.sha.org/bottle/Typing/liquor/oldcabinstill.jpg
http://www.sha.org/bottle/Typing/liquor/donnellyrye.jpg
http://www.sha.org/bottle/Typing/liquor/joegideonaltonflask.jpg
And for those cantakerous moments:
http://smashprops.com/btl015.html
Oh, that is good.
The wake up trill from my blckberry at 6:15am-ish every morning can infuriate and confuse me…until my first papaya smoothy and a brisk game of tennis with the girls from the complex. Then it becomes a pleasure to read of the fancy living of two of America's leading media voices.
It makes me giggly for at least 5 minutes or so, which is 4.5 minutes more than my usual day. I give it 5 stars.
ALL ABOUT BRIE!!!
Today's email sort of pissed me off. (Granted, I'm in a pissy mood.)
Anytime I hear someone sing praise of San Francisco, I get angry for some reason. I've never even been there, but there was this kid, Kerry, that transferred in the senior year of high school that dared to be both smart and popular and rebellious. Dammit, but that was my fucking niche, and I stood my ground and relegated him out of the popular circles. We almost fought once, but didn't, girlfriends holding us back, "Stop it! Stop it!" By the end of senior year, I was nominated for prom court and Kerry wasn't so it all worked out. I didn't even go to the dance (even though a girl's parents offered to buy me a tux, but hello? Steve has already fucked her, which means she was already a slut so what did I want with her?) I know through that "People you may know" upper righthand corner ghost on Facebook that Kerry is bald in a bad way now (not in the acceptable way I am), but I won't friend him because we weren't and aren't.
Two friends of mine are moving to San Francisco, one this month to be a teacher and one next to skateboard or some shit. They're both bangable (June moreso than July), but I haven't, which means they are actually just friends. Both have offered lodging if I were to come out ("You'd love it out there.") but I'd really prefer to go to Europe or Morocco (and I have always had a fascination with Key West).
So when I think of tacos, real tacos without Chamomille filter Angus-grade tofu, I'll go to my local Taco Truck. Or Mexico (despite the risk of kidnapping). But San Francisco? San Francisco can go fuck itself.
i like you. and you are right about SF. Miserable place. I got shoved out of line at a co-op bakery! who does that!
I think you should try Oakland.
MLK Way is so named because everyone there will love and accept you unconditionally.
Oooooh. Now I understand why you were kind of mean to me that one time when I said that Natural Cheetos are good and that people who don't smoke pot shouldn't have to buy it illegally just to be polite hosts, and you assumed that I was a stupid crunchy granola hippie even though I'm totally not.
But just so you know, I'm actually from New Jersey and I've only lived in San Francisco for like a year and a half. Also, I don't even like Mexican food because it's too spicy for me. San Francisco is kind of awesome sometimes but also kind of annoying sometimes. I like how it's pretty and chill, but I don't like how people here are so self-absorbed and they always misinterpret mild sarcasm as extreme bitchiness. Also they are silly and think San Francisco counts as a real city when really it's more of a cute little town. I bet you would like it if you visited, but not as much as Europe or Morocco, probably. I mean depending on where in Europe, because there must be someplace there that is worse than San Francisco.
Anyway, if you're going to hate me you should hate me for being from New Jersey, not for being from San Francisco.
I love you now. I have a San Fran kneejerk reaction.
Yay, I love you now, too!
WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?
I think you should try Modesto.
it can't be all that pretty
when all of New York City
misses you
:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHjErzA2YAU
today's email was more corny than cheesey, but delicious nonetheless.
It's like being stalked everyday!
I like 'em! The story about getting a ticket while having your morning tamale was priceless.
You should call it "Terrine de Fois Gras."
Because it's like spam, but really good, high-quality spam.
Have Cho contribute from time to time. Like a state of the union thing.
No, for that purpose, Cho should be made to sit in the closet while the e-mail goes out.
Today's email made me feel like I knew the real NYC in a way that Friends and Seinfeld never did.
"STOP THE CORN!"
Heck yes.
Wait just one hot minute – this isn't one of those things you're going to do three times and then just STOP, is it? Like the Pat Kiernan Outfit Report. And the Friday Video Weirdness with Ken Layne. And the Shift Memo OHMYGOD WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE SHIFT MEMO?
And then there's Balk… who seems to have no shortage Public Displays of Emotion Tales to share with us.
What I'm trying to say here is: DAMNIT CHOIRE.
I like the Balk public displays of emotion stories wherein he sees a homeless drunk guy puking and extrapolates that into when he saw The Mystery of Edwin Drood in the park with his mom and how life is like a bowl of chocolates and you never know where you'll find Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry again.
STOP STEALING HIS IDEAS! Balk won't have anything left to write about!
Nice piece this morning!
Rents are dropping to 1980s levels, and the lawn chairs are back in Times Square!
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/11/nyregion/11chairs.html?hp