Thursday, June 25th, 2009

Stop Hating On The Mark Sanford Emails, Loveless Haters!

LOVERMANI am totally disappointed in everyone making fun of the Mark Sanford emails! Everyone on the TV last night was giggling and shouting about them. I think that none of them have ever received a proper love letter. Loveless TV heathens! And I think it is wonderful that the governor of South Carolina, who could have been some stuffy fuddy-duddy jerkface, has poetry in his heart, and actually has the language to express it! When was the last time you got an email that began: "I am most jealous of your salad under the palm tree." HOW WONDERFUL IS THAT? THAT IS GREAT STUFF. In the age of the text message that mostly says "What R U Up 2?," I would totally do him.

33 Comments / Post A Comment

KarenUhOh (#19)

It's that smouldering South American thing. That Penelope Cruz factor. Or do I mean the Raul Julia Factor? Or the Julia Louis-Dreyfus Factor? Whichever of them is South American. We all want our salads smoking.

I'm going to get one in every country down there. Did they ever clear up that situation over in Paraguay? "Paramour in Paraguay": that sounds like it's got fruit in its hat.

Abe Sauer (#148)

So true. I have to settle for emails beginning "I am an hopeless trash-digger;" So much less full of a courtly romantic sense of burning desire.


Yes. I removed the word "inveterate" at the last moment. Sigh. I AM VERY BUSY.

ljnd (#86)

Very busy…digging through trash?

The sentiments expressed in that e-mail were a wonderfaully inspiring way to start my day. Had it been my last day on earth, that is.

oudemia (#177)

See, I agree and that's why I couldn't read the emails, although I tried. I am flashing back to Teacher intercepting notes and pinning them to the bulletin board. As to the salad/palm tree, clearly the best of this genre was Prince Charles wishing he could be Camilla's tampon.

KarenUhOh (#19)

"My address is (deleted by The State)."

That is indeed horrible. The death of the heart.

BlinkyMcChuck (#202)

In which my theory that the US became North Korea under Bush becomes quietly confirmed…

When he mentioned The Thornbirds, I thought he and I could have had a future together. But then he had to go and talk about The Holiday, and that's when I realized it wasn't meant to be.

sigerson (#179)

Let's just hope he meant Roman Holiday.

mathnet (#27)

Boys of the United States, please fall in love at least once before considering getting married. I really can't go through this again.

oudemia (#177)

That's sort of sad and touching in a "baby shoes, never used" kind of way. Flash fiction in an Awl comment.

katiebakes (#32)

I just want them to have a happy ending and wind up together like Mary Kay LeTourneau did with Vili!

Bittersweet (#765)

I know, right? So romantic. *sigh*

zidaane (#373)

(Never hold a press conference when you still have tang on the brain)

Rod T (#33)

"I don’t want to put the genius back in the bottle because I truly believe in freedom."

Sigh, Sanford.

I've had the occasional written correspondence from charmers before. It goes back and forth on the Internet, and then we agree to meet. (Something I used to never do, but was then encouraged by one of the people on this very site, a foolish romantic.) Invariably it pretty much ends there because I'm incredibly shallow when it comes to so many many things.

(Hopefully none of the four people I'm currently "dating" is reading this. Luckily I'm not really into the "readerly" type of guy.)

sigerson (#179)

He really got me with this line:

"To me, and I suspect no one else on earth, there is something wonderful about listening to country music playing in the cab, air conditioner running, the hum of a huge diesel engine in the background, the tranquility that comes with being in a virtual wilderness of trees and marsh, the day breaking and vibrant pink coming alive in the morning clouds â€" and getting to build something with each scoop of dirt."

Sheer poetry. The isolation, the setting of the scene, the turn toward the sky and the colors and then the punchline. Fantastic writing.

zidaane (#373)

I used to get the same feelings mowing the lawn until I would come upon a new planting by the wife that was just off the fence a bit but not FAR ENOUGH that I could get the mower between this new bush and the fence. Then I would be consumed by a murderous rage.

sigerson (#179)

Not to mention this was all going on during his VP vetting by the McCain campaign!!!

mathnet (#27)

OMG you're right; did McCain even have a better option than Palin?

oudemia (#177)

Charlie Crist got married for McCain. Such dedication ought to be rewarded, I think.

sigerson (#179)

Probably not. I have always noticed that potentially good candidates will pull back from a presidential cycle when they see the tide rolling in against them. That's why the Republicans nominated a nothingburger like Bob Dole to go against the very popular incumbent. Ditto for John Kerry in 2004 (when Hillary could have plausibly been a better candidate, or Gore, or Dean). In 2008, the environment was so favorable for Democratic chances that potential R candidates stayed away (such as Jeb Bush) while every qualified Democrat ran. It's sort of like when the American League pennant race is actually the championship because the World Series will be a formality. Or the NBA Western Conference Championship.

to oudemia: Crist is looking to have a nasty primary battle for the Republican nomination for Senate in Florida. I bet his opponent outs him.

Bittersweet (#765)

Charlie Crist is gay? That makes me like him better.

Call me a cynic, but I think it's all just "poetry of the penis."

He didn't fly 3,000 miles last week for "a loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." I'm pretty sure he packed condoms.

hman (#53)

I'm going to stop emailing people, just in case. I am very vulnerable these days.

NinetyNine (#98)

I read that as "I want to toss your salad" and thought, and thought, well, we all have our own definition of romantic. Plus: no jokes about how it's not possible to read anything about the SC Paper and not imagine Michael Ian Black cooing "My seat is in love."?

That's how I read it, too. Learn to parse?

NinetyNine (#98)

Way to get behind my line of thinking.

It is not loveless hating-on. All this defense of his love missives would be well-placed had they been written to HIS WIFE. The man went MIA from his job as governnor to have it off in an "exotic" land (what, local tail is beneath him?). He's a lying hypocrite and deserves every last bit of mockery and scorn. My favorite part was his asking Maria if she knew how to have "impossible love" with stealth, since he had no experience with it (bitch, please). I'm surprised so many are pitying him.

Jasmine (#8)

I, too, thought they were lovely. Then I remember all his assholery re: the stiumulous, etc.

F'ing republicans.

missdelite (#625)

"I want 2 fuck u 2" = "I mean business" = hot as hell.

NatashaVC (#464)

OMG!! The emails reminded me of my 7th grade math teacher who was single and old and used to eat egg salad sandwiches everyday by himself!! Our class was so unruly and impatient that he put up a sign over the wall clock that said


Later that week some one smashed the clock. :(

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