Social A's: How To Deal With Blog Comments From Yo Auntie
Dear Answer Lady,
Tell me you deal with shit like this:
"A new comment on the post #1 "Clip from [my recent standup performance that I posted on my website, which is intended primarily to get me more comedy gigs]" is waiting for your approval.
Author: Auntie [redacted] (IP: [redacted])
Comment: Well sweetie, Umm I know things are different in the big city but let me tell you….people are the same everywhere. They are going to read into what you are saying [about bikini waxing] and think you are talking about things you were raised better than to talk about. Which, we know, isn't the case. I'm just telling you this because I am older and have more experience and you are just an innocent lamb living in a wolve's [sic] den (NYC). That aside, you are cute as a button! And, btw, when did you go to Brazil? That must have been a fun trip. Love you bunches- Auntie [redacted]"
Signed,
Naughty Niece
Dear Naughty,
First go register the domain for Postcardsfromyoauntie.com. J/k. (But still, the part about Brazil… she KNOWS, right? Doesn't she know? She has to know. What, they don't have TBS reruns of Sex and the City in the wolfless land where she lives?)
I think that obviously you should not approve this comment. I say "obviously" but actually, maybe it's not obvious? For example! I used to think it was somehow my ethical responsibility to approve any comment that anyone left on my blog, no matter how deranged or stalkerish or misguidedly left by a befuddled older relative. That philosophy was self-flagellating and dumb. If you maintain a website, you implicitly endorse all its content, even the comments—so you have every right to exercise discretion about what gets posted. "Approving" a comment doesn't means you "approve" of its content, but it does mean that you feel it is a sentiment worthy, for whatever reason, of inclusion in the discourse around Tarkovsky or LOLcats or whatever your post was about.
For example, I refrain from deleting comments solely because they're insulting to me, but when people use my comments as a forum to insult other people, I delete their comments and, if possible, I email them and tell them why. I also delete comments that are personal, like the one you received, simply because the comments aren't an appropriate venue for one-on-one correspondence.
So all you have to do is contact Auntie [Redacted] and tell her, "Dear Auntie [Redacted], I am so tickled that you read my blog! It's nice to hear from you. But next time you want to get in touch, I'd like it much better if you emailed me directly than if you left your thoughts in the comments. When you write in the comments, you're talking to everyone who reads my website, so it doesn't make sense for you to say something there that you really only want to say to me."
That's all! Problem solved. Also, leave your pubic hair alone! God put it there for a reason.
Have you a problem? Consult our answer lady, who is sensitive to all issues. Write her private email here!
Previously: Do I Have To Go Visit Those Babies?
You keep being right!
Tarkovsky LOLcats? So you've seen the director's cut of The Stalker, too?!
"… talking about things you were raised better than to talk about."
What is the Internet for, if not that?
This post also applies to grandmas who write on your facebook page, thinking that they are just talking to you, something like "Oh, we're not speaking with Ellen anymore so I guess we'll miss out on the Fourth of July party. Again. :("
Don't drag your hirsute father (Alex) into your comedy routine. You'll start the drinking again…
Bunches- Mom.
Dear Naughty Niece,
I've missed our IM chats. Auntie's out of town next week – let's catch up!
Love, Randy Uncle
Your cute little button
Will turn you to mutton.
Before the Brazilian attacks
I suggest you use wax.
Burma Shave.
Train approaching
Whistle squealing
Pause
Avoid that
Run-down feeling
Burma Shave
By the way, the first text in this post that caught my eye was "Naughty Neice" – which I misread as "Naughty Nurse." So I was expecting something much different.
Don't get me wrong – the post was really good. Just not what I was expecting.
mister H, and your post reminded me of this:
"[On hiatus from work, he decided to spend some time with his parents, in South Florida. Obviously not getting enough stimulation at the folks house, he ventured to the South Trail Cinema, an adult XXX movie theater nearby. It was around 10pm, and Reubens settled down to a happy heaping helping of the titty flick, "Nurse Nancy."]"
http://www.findadeath.com/ (Pee-Wee Herman)
Dear Autie, A simple "why ya gotta work blue?" would have sufficed.
This is sort of a general question. But is there a site that explains internet etiquette to the olds? Not in a mocking, condescending or overly technical way, just in a polite "hey, when you leave a comment about my personal life or tell a story about how I accidentally peed my pants when I was seven in an unrelated Facebook thread, EVERYONE ON THAT THREAD GETS AN EMAIL OF YOUR COMMENT" sort of way.
A friend would like to know.
That comment probably turns your clip into funniness squared, why would you delete it? Maybe you could set up your aunt with her own column on your website, where she responds to your standup. Tell her that she's right, you are a lamb among wolves and you need her to show the world you come from good people. If you don't mind exploiting your family members, that is, but if you want to make it as a comedian you probably don't, right?
See comment below! In reply to this!
http://www.alicewetterlund.com
If this was my aunt, her reply would be "E-mail? Why would I send you an e-mail that wasn't something that's been debunked on Snopes 5 years ago yet still being forwarded around?"
Hold up, Answeress.
2009: "Also, leave your pubic hair alone! God put it there for a reason."
2007: "Who the hell still has pubic hair? "
http://gawker.com/226449/pubes-aid-it-sounds-dumb-but-it-is-smart
I'd like to explore your evolution on this topic. (And really, it affected my opinion of you Anweress. I don't tend to remember things like this.)
I would also like to explore my evolution on this topic, preferably in the form of a long researched and reported social history of pubic hair. That I would actually want to get paid to write, though.
Ok, I hate that I just looked this up, but actually the "who the hell still has pubic hair" originated with Alex, pre-bylines. A classic Balk BTW situation. http://gawker.com/news/advertising/bukiluki-hair-dye-makes-us-briefly-consider-ugly-betty-joke-214410.php
And the fact that I was the second commenter on each of those displays a consistent rage about trimmed pubes that I still have today. And a glaring amount of free time back then that I don't have today.
Does this mean that Balk is trying to make the tree look bigger by trimming the underbrush?
Smails might give you $120 to write this.
Wow. I have say I'm impressed with your Gawker/Emily knowledge. We should have a trivia night at a pub with questions ranging from the easy ("where did Josh kiss Emily?") to the impossible ("how many tattoos does Emily have?").
Uh. The first is the impossible one and thanks for making me have to think about that. The second is the easy one: six.
I just remembered that everybody in that era of Gawker hated foreskin and pubes. A google search of "Emily Gawker Pubes" got me there (sadly).
Just for the record I am historically and consistently a big supporter of both. I mean I don't go to rallies or whatnot, but.
Context! In 2007 we were in advanced Bush Fatigue.
I love this post, but can you guys change the photo at the top? Seriously. The whole 'scary bald dude doing a waxing' thing is freaking me out and making me consider leaving the site. Help.
tnx, now they replaced it with a weirder pic.
The difference between exploiting your family in a bit on stage and doing in the way you suggest, on a website, is that in a bit you get to mock a caricature of them invented by you. If I did it on my site, she'd get to keep it real. A little too real.
Oh this is directed at oopsala[#952]!
Dr. Evil had the last word on pubes. Nothing more ever need be said about this topic.
"At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilmer ritualistically shaved my testicles — there really is nothing like a shorn scrotum — it's breathtaking… I suggest you try it."
Auntie's a true Passive Aggressive. No cure for that, unfortch.
It better be illustrated.