Monday, June 22nd, 2009
10

Sharks Are The Jeffrey Dahmers Of The Ocean

Also known as "rapefish"Sharks: they're just like us, if we're killers: "Great white sharks and serial killers such as the Yorkshire Ripper stalk their victims in a similar way, scientists have found. Using methods pioneered by criminologists, researchers have discovered that the world's largest predatory fish targets prey in a highly focused way linked to the areas it knows best. The scientists adapted geographic profiling, a mathematical technique used to track down serial killers and rapists, to investigate the hunting habits of great whites." OMG, I can't wait for PETA's campaign urging people to refer to sharks as "sea rapists"!

10 Comments / Post A Comment

Kitty cats are the animal kingdom's double parkers and panhandlers – quality of life stuff.

WindowSeat (#180)

Great White sharks have abusive parents and difficulties forming relationships.

propertius (#361)

Oh just the gd sharks alone.

propertius (#361)

I.e. "leave the gd" etc.

First of the week. Bad omen.

The difference being, of course, that the great white sharks typically aren't stalking and killing other great white sharks. Minor clarification.

Also – I would like to see Dexter turned into a Pixar film starring the Finding Nemo shark as Dexter Morgan.

rj77 (#210)

…serial killers such as the Yorkshire Ripper

I first read that as Yorkshire Terriers and thought maybe these tiny, yippy creatures had replaced Pit Bulls as the attack dog of choice, and wondered when the Gladwell piece on outlier violent dog breeds would hit the New Yorker.

Is it nap time yet?

Come on, mock this shoddy piece of fake journalism a little harder.

Sharks are "serial killers" just as much as those cute little seal "victims" are. Because we animals eat other animals. Serially.

propertius (#361)

And we're all suicidal, though not necessarily serially:

"A young sea lion was rescued today after it was found roaming Interstate 880 in Oakland, a month after a similar incident in Richmond, authorities said."

WindowSeat (#180)

The seals are asking for it, parading around in fur coats, lounging on boats around Pier 39. "Volunteer Victims" as my cop cousin would say.

Scooped by the Onion almost eight years ago: "Sharks: Terrorists Of The Sea" (in the TV listings).

http://www.theonion.com/content/index/3734

(Terrorists, serial killers – close enough.)

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