Dear Black Sabbath,
I'm sorry I didn't vote for you in the "favorite band" poll Betsy Schroeder conducted for a science project when we were in seventh grade. After the initial round of questionnaires were filled out and tallied, you guys were tied for the lead with Men at Work. Somehow, stupidly, in the run-off, I voted for Men at Work. In fact (and I cringe at the memory) I joined Nicole Seitz and actually campaigned for Men at Work. Against you.
I don't know what I was thinking. You are clearly so much better than Men at Work. You are the mighty, mighty Sabbath, the Masters of Reality, the dark lords of metal. So powerful, so important, so influential to so many other bands that I love. You are simply one of the greatest groups of all time. Men at Work? "Who Can It Be Now"? "Down Under"? "It's a Mistake"? It sure was.
My memory of the final results is foggy. I believe there may have been a second tie. (Props to my classmates, visionary Beavis and Butthead prototypes Gregg Scott and Colin Dodds, for leading the charge in your defense. This apology goes partially to them, too.) I think Jeremy Johnson, practical diplomat that he always was, started a movement to bring in Rush as a third-party compromise. Regardless, the fact that my own ill-considered vote may have robbed you of some rightful glory around the halls of Markham Place Middle School, well, it seems pretty unforgivable in hindsight. I don't blame you if you're still mad.
I think about this a lot. It feels good to get it off my chest.
Dave
Previously: Dear 70-Year-Old Man In A Leg Brace
It's Markham Place day at The Awl, apparently.
In the eighth grade we had a debate whether Paul McCartney was actually dead (Did John, in fact, bury Paul, or marry him? There was inconclusive audio evidence). In Biology Class.
At least my forensics were appropriate to the class. I brought in an apple with a dead worm trying to escape from it.
Aw, Dave and I were in middle school at the same time within a couple miles of each other. If you had asked me who the best band was in 7th grade, I would have said Duran Duran, though.
At least you didn't call them a "stupid bitch".
. . . yet.
Feh. If you had asked me who the best band was in 7th grade, I would have said Run DMC. Ultimately Reverend Run and Ozzy both ended up becoming shady reality TV "stars" on a shady Viacom channel.