Right now is my fave-rave time of the year, and if you have a job or even if you don't have a job I think you can get behind what I am Feeling right now and that is: Vacation.

Yeah! Vacation, baby, I am gonna be all kinds of Vacant with a capital-ation, starting as soon as I poop out this column for my Most Favorite Web Site of All Time (get it?), The Awl, where I can take as much Vacation as I want (that's what they told me when I was in my Contract Negotiations) and it seems like a lot of people who work "here" are Awl-ways kinda on vacation on account of the Unemployment, I think. Or at least the Underemployment. I also totally like the name of the Web Site; The Awl. I took Shop Class in High School and I believe an Awl is a thing you use if you are doing Woodworking or Cobbling or are generally interested in punching holes in various materials, but I also kinda think it is a Tool that one uses to generally fuck shit up sometimes, and that is just my interpretation of the meaning of the Web Site name: The Awl. What is yours? Have you thought about what "The Awl" might mean? I did just now, and typed that shit down, but that's it, because I am going on Vacation, man! It feels good. I am going to drink Beer. You know what? My brain is already totally enjoying Vacation!

Like I was saying, even if you totally don't have a Job, and/or on Unemployment or Welfare, you know the Vacation feeling, as in, hey, I don't Have to Do Anything, for a specific amount of time, you know? It's totally different from being a Lazy Motherfucker who never does anything but sponge off the Government and others. This is not for you, Lazy Motherfucker. However, I do not include the Mendicant or Panhandler in the LM category. Panhandling is a Profession, or maybe an Avocation, and it takes a certain amount of determination to work that angle, so I salute you, Beggar, but no, I don't have any spare change, man, I gots the Furlough! OK, back to Lazy Motherfucker; seriously, Get A Job. I don't care what the Leading Economic Indicators are, you can go out and find something to do for money that is legal. You are not in my Club, the Club of being a Hustling or Otherwise Productive Member of Society. So it's like, non-LazyMF'er people who are Underemployed or Welfare'd can experience a vacation from that when they get some money somehow, like from the Government or God or some other shit that floats in if they Hustle, and then they can enjoy a respite, as it were, from the Tedium of being Un-or-Underemployed, like "Fuck yeah, I just got a check! That means it's almost like I Worked today, so after a Festive Meal someplace, I can reward myself with some time off! Party! I noticed that Compensation Mechanism a lot when I used to Deliver Pizzas. On the first or 15th of the month, the Checks would come out, and I delivered many pies to people who were all crazy Living It Up on Check Day. Yeah, they were getting a pizza delivered. Party! I know. You know, Check Day pizza recipients tipped better (or at all) compared to the stiffs in the Affluent Neighborhood and wannabe Ivy League College that were in the area, so I have Love for people who cash that check and go Totally Fucking Crazy and order a pizza. It's good for the Economies! I have no comment on being tipped in Illicit Drugs.

Look, being on Unemployment or Welfare thinking about not having a job can be tiring, man. I have been thinking about how my Time Off balances out against the week's worth of Furlough I haveta eat, and that just makes VACATION all the sweeter, as in; I might not ever enjoy Vacation again, you know? So it's almost like Stealing, which is the best, Employer-wise, like, "OK, fucker, you're taking a week's worth of days outta my check to supposedly keep your company in business, but I am gonna take my Vacation (and one roll of toilet paper a week) before Everything goes broke and then I win! Look, I know I am all Delusional and shit with my Sunny and Cheerful Outlook on the concept of Vacation in the Uncertain Economic Times, and I know The Man has this whole thing wired to pull maximum sacrifice out of people like me-Employees, if you will-who are Doing More With Less and now Doing More With Less For Less, but: Vacation, man! Getting Paid for not being where you are supposed to be to Get Paid! I even invented a super-hero called VACATIONMAN, which can also be VACATIONWOMAN if you feel the need to sex it, but basically you can be whatever VACATIONBLANK you want and your Super Power is either: Not Doing Anything, or: Doing Whatever You Want. I pretty much don't do anything except eat, listen to music, enjoy various beverages, scream real loud I AM ON VACATION, MAN, and buy scratch-offs and lottery tickets so I don't ever have to go back to work, ever, but so far the not-going back aspect hasn't panned out, but one thing about any Gambling system you develop is you gotta stick to it, so I will be investing a portion of the 100% Coinstarâ„¢-counted saved-coin funding of my Vacation in various scratch-off and lottery opportunities as they present themselves between rounds of Legal Beverage. Vacation, man, I have typed my way clear through to my first step toward VACATIONLAND. Maybe I'll be back!

Mr. Wrong appears every three weeks or so in the Baltimore City Paper, which is not frequently enough, hence he is here. He will Tumbl if he is ever not on Vacation!

Previously: Chicken Stamps With Dipping Sauce