Tuesday, May 5th, 2009
17

They Are Taking All The Joy Out Of Smoking

My left index finger has been intermittently numb for about the last week or so; at first I put it down to some manifestation of carpal tunnel or such, but now I'm thinking maybe it's somehow related (hopefully subconsciously) to those grisly new anti-smoking ads the city is running in the subways. I mean, Jesus fuck. I'm 36 years old, I probably should quit; it's kind of ridiculous to still be smoking at this age. But ohmygod cigarettes are so good. If my only choice is to keep my digits but balloon another twenty pounds and be generally irritable (yeah, yeah, moreso), I think I'm just gonna suck it up and go the Rahm Emmanuel route. Next time you see me I'll be doing a spot where I'm holding up a mangled fist under the caption "My love of smoking robbed me of my love of blogging – Alex, Manhattan." Ugh. I need a cigarette.

17 Comments / Post A Comment

KarenUhOh (#19)

Give up cocaine instead. You can still type with your nose.

mathnet (#27)

Just give up V, G, T and R instead.

Alex Balk (#4)

How will I finish my action movie screenplay? It's called "The Vaginator."

Wordsmoker (#156)

Re-work it for Eddie Murphy, and call it "The Poopyuiop[]"

With your tongue, stupid. (Typical).

Wordsmoker (#156)

Two words – helper monkey.

Hez (#147)

Making monkeys smoke for you while you blog is truly the apex of both laziness and moral bankruptcy. And fuck, now I wish I'd thought of it first.

Well you could actually use quitting as an excuse for a lot of things that might be inevitable anyway. Such as, getting drunk off your ass every night (i know — but you'd have a good reason!), smoking loads of other stuff, and generally running amok in countless other ways.

As a former smoker, i can tell you that not smoking while getting shit-canned every night is waaaaaaaaaaaay better.

For your first bender as a non-smoker, i suggest champagne cocktails. Which are better than drugs, really.

BoHan (#29)

You need to consider the size and trajectory of your cock before you make any rash decisions to continue smoking, but lose digits. I mean you're 36 and single and Giselle Bundchen ain't exactly been knocking on your door all hours of the night. Granted, all the liquor may minimize this most basic need, especially because you're old, but still. I do say this from a warm place.

belltolls (#184)

Yes quitting is hard. I gave up drugs, alcohol and excessive internet use and all the life events which triggered their use. Now, I admire my hand daily and its magnificent circulation in a dark, dank room all by myself. I may tweet about it.

davidwatts (#72)

I had this, too. I ignored it and it went away. Just like all my other problems!

five_hole (#221)

get knocked up. worked for my mom.

mathnet (#27)

Her finger's not numb anymore?

kryz (#311)

Nobody likes a quitter, Balk.

suitep (#120)

I quit smoking a month ago and that's about when my right index finger went numb. I now need to go see a 'finger doctor'. NO LIE.

Just trying to help wherever I can.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

I don't see the big deal…you'll still have nine left, right? Stop being such a baby.

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